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The Cheating Husband: Childbirth Caused Him to Cheat?
The Cheater Decides to Talk
Having been presented with the opportunity to talk directly to a known cheating husband about his infidelity, I could not resist the opportunity. In fact, I had the opportunity to chat with five husbands who had or were continuing to cheat on their wives. Some claimed remorse. Others seemed indifferent. One seemed to enjoy the fact that at last he could talk about his "pretty young thing."
For obvious reasons I will not divulge names. But, the input and the reactions were across the spectrum. Perhaps, the interaction between the men was more interesting than the questions I was allowed to ask.
Admittedly, I was somewhat astounded and disgusted, as well as totally confused by some of the reasoning they offered.
The First Husband Was Looking for Sex Following the Birth of His Son
Well, of course, he was looking for sex! But, what surprised me, coming from this man, was his reason. The man is in his early thirties. His son is now thirteen months old. This young executive and his wife have not had sex since the birth of the son.
Going into the conversation, I expected him to tell me and perhaps the other participants that since his wife gave birth she had refused to have sex with him for one reason or another. I expected something like she was tired and not getting enough sleep or at least something similar.
Instead, it is the cheating husband who refuses to initiate sex or respond to his wife's advances. About a month after his son was born he had his first one night stand. Of course, he promised himself he would never do it again --- until the second opportunity presented itself. Now, sleeping with one woman then another has become a pattern.
Why? According to this cheater, he needs sex. He isn't looking for a relationship. He is looking for sex, but doesn't want to pay for it. So, he goes out to a bar --- tells his wife he is with the boys --- and picks up a woman for the night. According to this cheating husband, the women he takes to bed are no prettier than his wife and "most are no where close to being as pretty as she is."
So, what's up with this guy? His explanation is simple. He loves his wife. He does not want an ongoing affair with anyone because he is afraid of attachments. But, he cannot "perform" when he gets into bed with his wife.
I would like to say that this was a shocking statement. It was not. In fact, it is quite common among men who have been in the room when their wives give birth.
If the man stands at the head of the bed and helps his wife breath, does the counting, and holds her hand, this reaction is very rare. However, men who film the actual birth or as this man put it, "holds the catcher's mitt waiting for the head to show" often find that engaging in sexual intercourse with his spouse is difficult or impossible following the birth.
Ladies, this is quite common. I have had men tell me that once they saw the birth canal spread open and the newborn's head pop out, they were totally unable to have sex with their wives.
What Should He Do Now?
I am not practicing clinical psychology at this time, but I suggested that he be honest with his wife --- at least about why he isn't willing to have sex with her. Whether he tells his wife about his one night stands is up to him. If he admits to his wife that it was the act of childbirth that affected him and their sexual relationship, perhaps they will follow up with counseling.
Of course, the couple --- the married couple --- should go to counseling. Wives are often shocked and dismayed that giving birth can have that effect on their husbands. I have seen some that have become angry, claiming that they had gone through all the pain. All he did was to watch.
But, the truth is that men react differently to seeing the birth of their children. The reaction, in this case, was totally unexpected. The man is remorseful for his actions, but says he will do anything necessary to get back to the marriage --- and sex --- he once enjoyed with his wife.
I must admit I was shocked when he said he would like to have two more children, if he doesn't have to watch them being born. With his reaction to the first childbirth, I would hope that he doesn't stand between her feet with the "catcher's mitt."
The Remorseful Cheater
Chances are, if the man can work out his "problem" he will not cheat on his wife again. And, I must say from a woman's point of view, his "problem" does not excuse his infidelity.
I can only question the couple's relationship to some degree. Why could he not tell his wife how he felt since the birth? I do not know his wife, so without having seen them interact it is hard to make a call on that one.
But, this cheater wants his life and his marriage back, as it was before the birth of his son. He loves his wife.
I am not excusing his behavior in any way, shape or manner. I am only saying that some men just withdraw from sex with their wives and let's just say they entertain themselves, so to speak. Others need the feel of a woman. Apparently, this cheater needs a woman and enjoys the touching and caressing. He just cannot forget the visual image of the baby being birthed.
And, no! Do not try to make sense of this or ask why he can have sex with another woman, just not his wife. That is the way women think. Let's just hope that this young couple gets the counseling they need before the marriage ends up in divorce.
Ladies, you may want to think twice before asking or allowing your husband to be at the foot of the birthing table instead of at the head talking to you.