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Moving On & Letting Go

Updated on May 13, 2014

You're at your wits end because you know it just isn't working anymore. You've finally come to the realization that this toxic relationship has no place in your life. Knowing the friendship is over doesn't make it any easier to move on.

We often find it hard to take the necessary steps to move forward because we're stuck trying to hold onto what used to be. It's much like mourning a death. Essentially it is. The friend is no longer a part of your life and you're stuck with only memories. The worst thing we can do is try to hold onto a friendship long after it's dead. Here's a few tips on how to move forward in a healthy and happy manner.

  • Let yourself mourn. It's natural. You have to go through the steps, and the first step is allowing yourself to feel the pain. Otherwise you're just letting it simmer until it eventually boils over. However, don't dwell on it. Take the necessary time and then make the decision to stop and go on.
  • Facebook/Twitter. Delete them from your social networking sites. The onset of social networking has made us all serial lurkers. You know seeing what's going on in their life (that you're no longer a part of) is only going to hurt. Why torment yourself? Also, no bashing. It will only get ugly if you're spilling the ugly details on the internet.
  • Forgive & Forget. Forgive their crimes along with yours. We often tend to lose touch with the fact that forgiveness is for you, not the other person. You're only letting it hinder your happiness by holding resentments or hard feelings about past actions. Why weigh yourself down with the heavy emotional baggage of grudges. Forgiveness does not get someone off the hook for bad behavior, instead it allows you to live in the present and future as opposed to the past.
  • Deal with mutual friends. Make it a point to ask your mutual friends to respect your decision. Let them know you'd rather not discuss the issues and that you're focusing on moving forward. They should be respectful of the fact that you don't want to hear about the great lunch date they just had sans you! This ensures your relationships with any mutual friends remain copacetic and aren't damaged as well.
  • Remember the lessons learned. No one is perfect. As human beings we're constantly growing. Take from the situation what you can. What do you wish you could have done differently? What do you wish the other person did differently? How will you handle yourself if you're in a similar situation in the future?
  • Be Open. People change. Don't rule out the possibility of a reconciliation (in due time). If it happens, take it slow and test the waters. Just don't burn any bridges. Stay amicable.

What are your tips for moving on? Leave your comments below.

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    • LMKaplan profile image
      Author

      LMKaplan 5 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Thank you billybuc. Obviously having written this, I do have some understanding of how hard it is to let people go. My intention by no means was to take away from how hard it is to cut of a toxic relationship. Rather, I wanted to display helpful steps in a clear and concise way. We all know that when we're going through something like this, our emotions are neither clear nor concise and sometimes neither are the choices we make.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Very well-written and very wise for someone so young; oh, if I'd only known then what I know now. One of your commentors wrote that it is much harder than your hub implies....yes, it is, but I don't feel your hub tried to downplay the difficulty in those actions.

    • LMKaplan profile image
      Author

      LMKaplan 5 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

      Thank you all for the feedback, and the constructive criticism! You're totally right Daniel, I think I will add that in because "friends" or not it should be kept quiet there.

    • DanielNeff profile image

      DanielNeff 5 years ago from Asheville, NC

      Well-written and concise. Great job of laying out the different aspects of dealing with a friendship that has ended. Terminating a toxic friendship can be one of the most difficult things to do in life, but also one of the most important. As George Washington once said, "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future."

      One thing you might have added to the fb section would be, "Don't air your dirty laundry regarding the relationship on facebook."

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Outstanding hub! Very useful with many valid points! I'm debating ending a FB one as I write this comment. Voted UP and sharing! Welcome to HubPages:)

    • Skiffer profile image

      Skiffer 5 years ago from North Jersey

      It's hard - much harder than you have made it appear here. For me, after a few years of therapy I finally think I may have an understanding why I am drawn to abusive, toxic relationships, and it all goes back to my mother. I know, before you roll your eyes and and sigh - "we always blame the mother" - you have to take a look at the reason why people are drawn to and remain in toxic relationships. My mother was a strict follower of the "spare the rod, spoil the child" methodology of child rearing. I remember every Sunday, going to my grandmothers and having to undress in front of her to show of the welts from my beatings during the week - with my mother beaming with pride at how she was the perfect disciplinarian. I remember my mother beating me in front of all of the family one summer because I didn't want to eat lunch. She kept yelling at me to stop crying and eat your lunch - stop crying and eat your lunch - My Aunt finally grabbed her hand and told her - she will stop crying when you stop beating her.

      You see, that is the only kind of attention I know. My dad was never around and when he was he was either sleeping or working. He was blind to the abuse - or he just really didn't care. I'm not sure which.

      But it hard for someone who grew up like this to understand there are different types of affection out there. We just don't get it. We've never experienced it before. We don't know how to reach out for it - or accept it.

      So we are drawn to the only type of affection we know - abuse. We think it is normal

    • profile image

      Sharon Bauer 5 years ago

      There are many types of love. Love for friends, love for family, love for your spouse. Open your heart to allow love to touch you again. No matter what the source,Love truely does heal all wounds.