Are You Breaking Up - Try Wasting Time

The Internet is full of crap advice when it comes to surviving breakups. Okay, so it’s not really crap advice, but it’s all the same advice. Eat well, get enough sleep, be good to you, meditate, pray, work out, do yoga and hang with people who are positive. It’s not bad advice, but there’s really nothing new here. So I, and mind you, I’m NOT a professional, am going to give you some advice to get past your breakup. I mean, heck, psychology was only my minor, but I’ve been through a breakup or two or three so doesn’t that qualify me to offer you something?

So what is the thing that will help you get past your gut-wrenching, heart -rending and soul-destroying breakup. Well, NOTHING. Nothing, that is, but time. Basically, you just wait out a breakup until you either heal, don’t care or find someone else. Let’s hope whatever it is, you’re happier than you are now. But in the meantime, here is a breakdown of suggestions on how to waste time while you’re waiting to get over your breakup.

Waste time Watching TV – What? Doesn’t TV rot my brain? Shouldn’t I be exercising and engaging with others? Well, you finally get to watch what you want to watch so go for it. I love the Little Couple – Jen Arnold and Bill Klein are my heroes, but I had to always vie with my boyfriend over the latest sports gig. Perhaps you’re a guy who love a sports gig and you’re tired of TLC reality shows about people you’ll never meet or could care less about. Dude and Dudettes, what’s better than control of the remote EVERY NIGHT! This is a dream come true, at least for now, so grab a brew or a Chardonnay and enjoy YOUR show, all night every night, couch potatoes!

Waste time in Bed – What? Oh really, how cruel. (Guys - it's not what you think!) Isn’t bed a lonely place? Doesn’t going to bed alone suck? Don’t you miss being held at night and all the other physical things that once happened in the sack? Well, turn that thought around and turn your bedtime upside down. Your room is now your own oasis. Yes, it’s okay to add a palm tree and some water or even a camel, but what I mean here is do what relaxes you in bed. Read a good book, browse your favorite magazine or watch a series you’ve been dying to watch (I haven’t seen ROOTS in years!). Buy a new comforter, a new pillow, a new bed (like I did for that matter) and make your sleepy time the most comfortable it’s ever been. No more fighting over covers. Whatever it is, make it a place you just can’t wait to retreat to after a long day. I added tons of pillows so I never feel like I’m alone there. I read, sip tea, do crosswords and watch videos on my iPad. I love going to bed… it’s one of my favorite parts of the day – now if I can just get that damn camel to quit snoring.

Waste time in acting like a kid. What? Now this advice is just getting more bizarre, but isn’t the world, a breakup and everyone else way too serious right now? Don’t you see how people look at you, email you and text you worrying about your low self-esteem going even further down the crapper? Get up and go act like a kid.

The best place to act like a kid is to be with a kid. I got down with a certain 6 year old I know and played Legos. Yes, Legos, which by the way have changed over the years to include Batman, Robin and a bunch of other villains with cool places to fight crime? Go to a playground. Go to an arcade. Build a snowman and take a picture of it – I did and posted it to Facebook for all my friends to see. Climb something. I love climbing things. It’s so fun and if you get a boo boo now, you can drink alcohol to make it feel better. Go to a kid flick and find somebody who’ll be a kid with you. My friend sends me random texts all the time. They may be a beautiful sunrise one minute and some marshmallow Easter bunny’s pole dancing the next. But either way, she cracks me up. Oh and never forget the power of dressing up strange and going out in public. Get your goofy on whatever that is! Nothing will make you happier quicker.

Waste time buying something. What? Really? Retail therapy for a breakup? Why not? You can’t afford anything you say, so then buy something small. I bought a ring for $15. It’s really pretty and now I’m going steady with myself. Some people buy a vacation or new clothes, but whatever it is, buying something makes you feel like life goes on and while you’re at it, buy something you like. She never liked you in orange – buy a bright orange shirt. He never liked you in blue eye makeup – buy the brightest you can find and wear it?

You see, you might have to replace some things that your former significant other bought you through the years because you can’t stand the memory, but I wouldn’t go crazy with that. If a past boyfriend replaced things I got him, he’d have to replace his digital camera, his electronic fireplace and his entire set of Martha Stewart pots and pans. It's okay to keep things a former partner has given you. Heck, sometimes I still wear this eternity band my x-husband gave me. It’s full of diamonds – who wouldn’t what to sport that bling. See, I told you I have experience. But for you, figure it out! Get rid of shit if it bothers you and buy new shit. New shit makes people happy and it’s fun and freeing. Come on, mall rat, you can’t sit around laughing at marshmallow Easter bunny pictures forever.

So do four time wasters sound like a good number? It does to me – besides I need to water my snake. Yes, I have a snake now… don’t ask, it’s a long story, but now I'm never alone with Candace the ball python around. You get my drift, tough ones, do what you have to do to get through and it all doesn’t have to be politically correct or from some article off a medical or psychological site. Think survival!

Speaking of survival and in closing, I want to share something you should NOT waste time doing and that is being ultra, mega, totally I-want-to-jump-off-the-nearest-bridge-but- I’m-not-sure-it’s-deep-enough miserable. If you get to the ‘jump’ point, then I wouldn’t waste any time going to see a doctor. I read an article by a therapist the other day who gave the normal list of answers and then she said, if you’re obsessing, say “STOP” out loud and do it more than once. I was surprised by this answer because sometimes, wanting to jump off a bridge and over-obsessing aren’t that easily fixed and you need to see a doctor and get a little help. If you don’t know whether you’re to that point or not, call and make an appointment. Life is too short to be so miserable that you start thinking crazy stuff and wish a large lizard would break through your window, make a screeching sound like steel girders rubbing together and bite your head off for good. No, there is a time when we should waste no time seeing a doc and sugar pie, you’re worth it even if your latest significant other didn’t think so.