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The Italian Forbidden Action

Updated on May 9, 2015

The door To nowhere, Stayed Closed For Many Years

The Why is because I let it stay closed. I had no power no control and allowed this to happen. I grew up in a terrible pile of dysfunctional trash. I never learned the importance of respecting myself.I do respect myself now, but that didn't happen overnight. I learned that women were used as objects for men to clean their home, cook, and raise their kids and take whatever garbage they had to hand out.

If the man came home in a bad mood he could take it out on his wife. It was the wife's fault no matter what the problem. If the husband wanted he could go out on Friday and come back on Sunday morning and sleep all day on Sunday. Then he would go to work on Monday morning

The bar was the most important thing to my first husband. I lived in that because in my family the women were taught there is no divorce. You must stay married at all cost. I think back in the generation I grew up in they cared more about what the neighbors thought than the welfare of their own child. The women today are free.In defence of the people at that time that is the way it was done. We also knew better than to come home pregnant If you thought it was fine, it wasn't. Marriage was pushed on girls so they got married.

I would have to think teens in the 60s were more mature. Still I don't think it is right for 18 1st 19 year old kids to be pushed to marry to prevent pregnancy.

No Divorce In Italian Families

This is 1968 and in the Italian families the men rule. The men rule in every aspect of life. I saw my mother do everything for my father. Work all day and work the second job at home, as he did not help her do anything in the house.

I think they married us off so fast so no one got pregnant. Pregnancy was non existent for girls back then. I think we knew one girl who went to Ohio and was never seen again. We all knew she went to have a baby. We knew that if you got pregnant you would be getting married. We mostly were raised to do what we were told.

In the Italian family we knew what are job was, it included everything in the house. Cooking, cleaning, laundry and iron everything, Make sure your husbands clothes looked great. Take full responsibility for all the work in the home. That house had to be clean from top to bottom. The Italian children had to be clean and neat at all times. The kids were like little neat statues.

In the Italian family all the problems were kept in the family or swept under the rug. I felt sorry for the aunts that took so much abuse from the husbands. The abuse ran from infidelity to beatings. Women were kept at home to keep them so dependent on the man. This gave the man a tremendous amount of control. Yes, I believe in that forbidden word Divorce. In defence of the younger children, they did not turn out like the older generation. Those born in the 40s and 1950s kids in the family turned out better. These men and women knew how to treat their spouse. If they didn't there was a divorce. Its like the older generation stuck it out even if it was wrong.If I stop and think about it, they really were stuck. They had no job, no education or training for a job. Some of these ladies did not even drive.

What Is The Italian Wedding?

The First Pioneer

The first to get the divorce was one of my aunts. Her husband was having an affair and she was supposed to stay married. She did for awhile but then finally moved out with her 3 children. She was working in a restaurant and barely getting by with the kids.

I listened to the talk from the brothers and sisters They thought she would go crawling back to her husband.I wish some one in the family would have helped her with some money. I was only a kid at the time. I think she would have done better with a good lawyer. Her Husband had a college education and made very good money. She had no education and it was very sad.

Husband settlement

house new in wealthy area

land

money

checking

New Cars

Wife settlement I believe it was $5,000.00

The Minor children

Things were tough in the 1960s and 1970s. No one really looked out for the women in those days.

She got her divorce and got a better job, I am so happy she made it. She did good for herself. That was the start of the first Italian divorce. This was a major brake through in this family.

Freedom Was The Car

The girls from my generation had a car and could drive. My grandmother and a lot of the women did not drive. Photo S.Vadakin
The girls from my generation had a car and could drive. My grandmother and a lot of the women did not drive. Photo S.Vadakin | Source

The Ten Countries With Large Divorce Rates

The United States is number one for divorces. The biggest reason is no time for each other, the divorce rate has increased 5 times from 2013. There seems no time for families. This is very sad for the children.

The United Kingdom is number 2.

Aruba is number 3 for divorce.

South Africa has a large divorce rate because so many couples live apart.

Italy Lack of affection has caused many divorces.

Ukraine has a large number of divorce because the wives are viewed as inferior.

Russia 65.4% divorce rate is up since 2014.

South Korea is the 8th country for divorce.

India is the 9th.

One of my favorite countries is Canada it supposedly has a large divorce rate because of infidelity. This is no surprise for today.

I often wonder if the men in my mothers generation would have treated the women better would we have all these broken marriages now. I know one guy in the family if he didn't like the supper his wife cooked he would throw it on the wall. It was so crazy. The other guy in the family beat his wife because she put onions in the stew. Another guy argued with his wife in front of company till the kids were throwing up sick. What was wrong with these men and the families that allowed it. Yes, I believe in Divorce, it can be a good thing,

Leave it to Beaver Was Not Our Home

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My Summary

We might have the largest divorce rate but all turned out for the best. The choices women have today are fantastic. I am so pleased to see this in my own grandchildren. I think if you want a career go for it, If you want to raise kids that's great too. I have cautioned my granddaughter to get a good education, then a job before marrying. If it doesn't work make sure you can support your family. Make sure you don't have to rely on someone else's paycheck.

So far they have taken my advice.I would hope that this generation learns from the past 2 and we have less divorce in this country. We are all equal and want the same things, respect, love, and kindness. I am blessed to have found this with my husband of 20 years.Forbidden action can be used today.

If you love God,and yourself, you will find the right people in your life.

Comments

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  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
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    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Cornelia, you are right in what you write. In the 1960's staying single was not an option. I like the freedom women have today. There is a lot of advantages for women today. Thanks for reading and your comments.

  • CorneliaMladenova profile image

    Korneliya Yonkova 2 years ago from Cork, Ireland

    Hi Stella, lack of respect to women does not concern only Italy. The things in Eastern Europe are the same. The only improvement now is that after WW2 we have more access to education and work and could be more independent. More women in my native country are reluctant to marry these days and prefer to stay single and independent.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Faith Reaper, Thanks for stopping by and reading this article. No I am sure not all Italian men act like this one, but unfortunately a lot did. Some things are much better to day. Women are free and can make their own way if they have to.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Faith Reaper, Thanks for stopping by and reading this article. No I am sure not all Italian men act like this one, but unfortunately a lot did. Some things are much better to day. Women are free and can make their own way if they have to.

  • Faith Reaper profile image

    Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

    Wow, lady, I am sorry you went through this being married to that type of man. It is interesting about the Italian men, and I pray they are not all like this or raised to be like this, but it could very well be the culture?

    I was married at 19 at my own choice to my high school sweetheart and still married, but if he were to ever raise his hand to me or expect such unreasonable demands on me ... no thank you!

    We didn't have children until five years after being married, so we had that time to ourselves and that was a good thing for sure.

    Up and more and sharing

    God bless you and yours

  • pstraubie48 profile image

    Patricia Scott 2 years ago from sunny Florida

    It is so important for us, women, to stand up and let abusive (verbally or physically or both) men that we will not be treated as objects.

    Fortunately there are many good men still around.

    Thanks for sharing this ladyguitarpicker.

    Angels are on the way to you this evening ps

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Alexadry, Thanks for the comments. I am glad women are standing up and taking responsibility for them self. I have a lot of family in Italy and it has changed for the better. I wish some of the older women that are gone could of had a better quality of life then they experienced.

  • alexadry profile image

    Adrienne Janet Farricelli 2 years ago from USA

    Hello, I was raised in Italy part of my childhood and can attest that in some small towns some women are still treated with disrespect. Some are secluded to the kitchen and must cook and clean and put up with disrespect and even infidelity. The divorce rates are getting higher there though too as some women start standing up for themselves. Voted up!

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Mel, Thank you for the comment, it means a lot to know how you feel. It makes you realize how much we really have missed. I am so blessed to have raised a son that has turned out to be a great father. It was a time with little options for women. Thanks

  • Mel Carriere profile image

    Mel Carriere 2 years ago from San Diego California

    My sympathies lie with you and my heart pours out to you, having come from a broken home in which the man was at fault. Believe me, this bad behavior is not limited to Italians.

    Although it was my Father that broke up the marriage after finding another woman, my Mother was looked upon as something of a wild harlot after the divorce, even though she was willing to take him back for the good of the family. This was in the late 60s, when hypocrisy among so-called god fearing people was the order of the day. There are plenty of deadbeat, abusive jerks still around now, but at least a woman has more legal recourse and a larger support network than back then. Wonderful hub, even though the subject is painful for both of us.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Hi Larry, thanks for your comments, and I do agree with you. Stella

  • Larry Rankin profile image

    Larry Rankin 2 years ago from Oklahoma

    Very interesting. I think women definitely have more options today, but equality is still an aspiration and not a reality.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Nell Rose, It was awful for women back then. We have some great things in modern time. I am glad to see these changes. Thank you for your comments and I agree with you. It is so much more peaceful. Stella

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Nell Rose, It was awful for women back then. We have some great things in modern time. I am glad to see these changes. Thank you for your comments and I agree with you. It is so much more peaceful. Stella

  • Nell Rose profile image

    Nell Rose 2 years ago from England

    Hi, it was awful back then wasn't it? thank goodness we live in modern times. I can never understand why men believe they are or should be in charge of everything! they are so unequal to women, sorry but its true. throughout history men have done nothing but war and fight, but now in the modern countries where women are equal its so much more peaceful, and those countries that are not equal are in fact going backwards! lol! interesting read, nell

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Graham, I would hope it is easy to get out of bad relationships today, but we know some countries this is not true. Thanks for your comments, Stella

  • old albion profile image

    Graham Lee 2 years ago from Lancashire. England.

    Hi Stella. Having read your hub which I found of great interest, your summary is as mine. Things are better for most women these days, though in some countries they seem to be going backwards.

    Graham.

  • ladyguitarpicker profile image
    Author

    stella vadakin 2 years ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

    Hi Jackie, You are right that is the way it was back then. I am glad things have changed for the better as far as respect for each other. Your mom would have had a hard time leaving with 7 kids. Divorce is hard on kids, but sometimes it's harder on them when you stay. Thanks for reading and your comments. God Bless, Stella

  • Jackie Lynnley profile image

    Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

    My mom was one of those women who did everything and was considered second class; that is just the way it was. My dad would never been brave enough to hit her though; she did talk back to him (lol) and tell him what she thought and I think all of us kids (7) hoped one day she would leave him when we were younger but although he died more than 10 years before her she lost all will to live and was never the same without him. I know she loved him dearly; she would talk trash about him to me sometimes but I better not dare say anything bad about him because he was a good daddy to me and I had no right to! lol I caught onto that one fast.

    Voted up and sharing.

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