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The Envious Friend

Updated on November 8, 2016
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I learned about making sheep's wool during my stay in South Africa. An interesting process to oversee.

Avoid Envious People

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Envious People can be Cruel at Times

  • Why do I call her an envious friend?

I live in a small village which consists of one hundred and fifty people

As a foreigner, I have been through many obstacles in meeting new people.

In trying to communicate, and in searching for the need to be with true people.

To be accepted, to be friendly in the most possible ways, to be together occasionally, and most of all, is to try and fit in the community.

The feeling to belong in this crowd and for me to be myself. Every time I think that I have finally found some friend, or an acquaintance something doesn't go well.

It is like I still can't find the kind of people I want to be with in this place. To be able to share conversations, and to have that spark with the crowd.

I am often left out of certain functions and conversations.

These people leave me out because of my different culture. Only, the local people know how to prepare a meal. In their eyes I don't have a clue of what to do.

I recently found a friend and was quite pleased with the friendship of this woman. I observed her behavior and saw that she has a chip on her shoulder.

This woman does not like it when I talk to her close friends. Often she has a look on her face when I communicate with her close friends. The look that shows I shouldn't speak to them.

The envious look of her says how she feels toward me. I now realize, there is no chance of me finding a friend without some nonsense going on.

It is difficult to be in a place where I have to forever prove myself to others. I have not tried to prove myself to these people and it is something I won't do for anyone.

I do feel a kind of pressure on me when I am with such people.

I don't need her friendship it is just her company as neighbors. I think it is only right to be friendly living close by each other. A few houses away. Such things should not be taken to heart as II have thought lost about it.

I see how she dislikes it when others talk to me, The envious stares from her allows me to see the true person she really is.

I talk to everyone.

The envious person does not like it when people hug me in her presence it is not a good idea.

I enjoy talking to people and laughter is great when in a happy conversations.

I prefer being with positive people. Lately, I feel my energy has been drained from me, just being with her had made me feel that way.

Envy is a cruel act.

When people behave this way it is best to keep away, and do what makes you happy and fulfilled.

People change all the time all her smiles and conversations mean nothing to me.

  • Foreigners are treated as strangers.

Their simple conversations are okay. They choose not to include us in their personal conversations of which I don't mind. I do respect the privacy of others. I too, won't want to share my private life with anyone.

The mentality is different and that makes a huge difference to me.

I fail to understand their mentality in every way.

In one moment there is laughter and conversations. At times it would be too confusing to me. I often receive mixed signals from the local people, so I try to keep to myself.

  • The envy is seen in their eyes and directly.

It is an ugly situation to be with envious people, they pretend to like you, If you fall in for their false behaviors you will be crushed.

I know it is hard to understand a person with a different mentality. I try to mingle on certain occasions.

I have forgiven the many incidents we have been through and have moved on. Sometimes there is only that much one can take from envious people.

One has to quit that friendship and be happier and not to feel over worked up in keeping such friendships. It is not how good friendships work out.

  • Envy is not a pretty emotion.

When in a room with strange people there is tension and a sense of insecurity among them. I have been there and coped well with the situation.

Everybody wants to show they are better than the other in some way. This can be from their intelligence, their beauty, or to who has a better life.

Envious people are bitter and are backstabbers. They always want what you have and will do anything to get even with you.

''I can do better than you.''

  • Psychologically envious people feel less powerful.

We are living in our new place for almost two years the people around me are most envious crowd. Maybe I feel this way because of their mentalities but this can be so frustrating.

  • What we sometimes plan to do others want to also do.

  • For example:

We have our terrace undercover. When it rains it is still possible for us to sit outside and enjoy a barbecue or watch the rain.

One person did exactly the same at his house. He built a roof to cover his terrace.

What different we have they also want to do at their homes. I overlook most of these envious behaviors.

I don't want to stoop down to their level of thinking in such a way. .

Challenges here are certainly challenges.

It is hard to cope with and hard to get out of it. I try my best to avoid the envious people. I have my life and I live as I wish.

In this modern time it should be a bit different.

However, it is not like that in a small community, everybody knows what goes on in other people's lives.

I try to be on my own and communicate mostly with my English speaking friends.

Foreigners stay together.

Occasionally I do speak to the local people but with caution.

One should not become bitter with envy.

Good relationships are fostered by envy and affects you emotionally, your security and stability.

I am not a victim of this and would not let myself fall apart or become weak. It is a traumatic experience if you let envy take over your life.

  • Do you wish you had the other woman's hairstyle or hair color?

Instead you should be complimenting the individual on how good their hair color or hairstyle looks on them, rather than wish you had that same kind.

I am disappointed in the way a foreigner is treated here especially, in my case living here for so long and the people still can't find it in their hearts to accept me.

Where I come from all nationalities are accepted with a warm heart and are treated well. We are friendly, kind, and are willing to help foreigners.

Envious people are found all over the world I feel it much harder in a small community.

When individuals are envious they judge others and their own situations.

It is the act of conflict that leads people to doubt their own values and experiences, their discomfort and suffering.

Once you realize that your personal values are a result of your condition that tends to under-value the greatest human qualities.

Such as: compassion, affection, the good energy, and the positive mind. You reconnect with your very own goodness for yourself.

Congratulate each other on the great achievements don't turn your back on each other.

Envy is not healthy move up to your highest power don't let envy destroy you.

People succeed and envious people try their level best to spoil it.

''I want what you have.''

''I will buy what you have even if I am not able to afford it, I will make sure to have it.''

Anger and harsh conversations with envious people can make you feel unhappy but is not worth getting into.

I am fine with what is and will have better if I work towards my goals.

I enjoy being with people but often there are certain people who show their envy directly and make me feel angry.

I avoid anger and add more fuel to the fire the look on their faces don't scare me. It is just the way I am, you either like me, or you don’t, accept me or not.

They can't take away my happy character which is so loved by my many friends around me.

Envious and the Haters

Envy People

Do you keep Friendships with Envious People?

See results

Don't be the hater

The open-minded writer who enjoys sharing her interests.
The open-minded writer who enjoys sharing her interests. | Source

© 2013 Devika Primić

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It must be so hard for you being the outsider. I am sorry you have to endure so much, and I hope it becomes easier for you soon and that you find a great circle of friends.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Envy in such a small community has to be frustrating. It might help if you go the extra mile to assure your friends that they are really special to you. Be careful and hope that they will learn from you.

    • sallybea profile image

      Sally Gulbrandsen 3 years ago from Norfolk

      DDE

      Moving across the world to 'greener pastures' can sometimes be much more difficult that we originally thought it would be. I wish I could say that things will get easier - better still, I hope that you will soon find a circle of friends who love and appreciate you just for you are.

      Sally

    • kidscrafts profile image

      kidscrafts 3 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

      I am sorry that you feel like an outsider! I have a hard time to stand envious people! I remember once a former neighbour came to my house and she started pointing at things in my home asking me if it was new. I found it just terrible. When I visit friends, I don't look around, take note and compare. I come to visit them and talk to them. The friendship is what is important.

      I know that you come from another country but those type of things can happen to anyone in their own country. I have a Belgian friend whose mother decided to live in the South part of Belgium and for years she was treated as an outcast.... in her own country. It's the mentality of the people who have to change, not you!

      As a kid, I felt as an outcast when I came back from Africa to Belgium.... maybe because I lived through different circumstances, my mind was more open.... but not the one of the other kids who never saw anything else than the village. I must say that I am happy to live in Canada because it's a society more open to the differences. I have friends of all kinds of origins, religions and colours. In the end, we are all human and we should all respect each other and be kind with one another!

      I wish you luck and I hope that you can find some real friends!

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Interesting story. Of course I feel your pain.

      I have had many friends that went looking for friends it just never seems to work. There is something a little to needy in the person looking to make that work.

      It is like a big let go and do. Do what you do, do not look for others to do it with. I was a very happy man just working and cruising the countryside of Vietnam. I was out of place to them but I could not see my self unless I looked in a mirror.

      Then I got into nasty negotiations with the construction manager at an office we were building out. Well with much arguing we got it done. We have now been together over 12 years with a great son. Stop looking and start doing, is my advice.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      I'm sorry you are experiencing feelings of alienation and separation because of others' envy. I have found that being different, new, or not from an area often creates this experience. I used to move around extensively earlier in my life due to corporate career moves. The locals never trusted the new person. Develop a rich and varied inner life and keep putting yourself out there.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      I agree with Eric, just be yourself and live your life and let the chips fall where they may. You may get lonesome some but what friends you end up making will probably be real. ^

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Hey Jackie sure did not come looking for me, and I may not be her friend but she is mine -- get out point?

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi billybuc thank you for the encouraging words it will get better, I appreciate you stopping by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MsDora you are right and I know it is hard but will get better in time thank you for your kind comment.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      sallybea it is most difficult in a foreign country to make friends but in my eleven years here I am proud of me the people I don't care much about I have friends but some I just have eliminate thank you for sharing your thoughts always appreciated.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      kidscrafts, I have an English speaking friend she has been there for me since I came here it is not easy to have friends with such different mentalities as the local people it just won't work out.. I never felt like an outsider as I do in this place but as long as I am happy no one can change me or the way I am I love my new life. Envious people I don't care about I feel better writing about it. Thank you very much for sharing your experiences. Take care!.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello Ericdierker, Great advice from you thank you for that and I appreciate you coming by.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway, well said, ''Develop a rich and varied inner life and keep putting yourself out there.'' I will be doing that and ''Stop looking and start doing,'' Thank you fro sharing your valuable comment.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Jackie Lynnley, I have one really true friend an English-speaking friend for almost ten years and making friends with the local people is most difficult any how I feel so much better to write about this experience and to read the many helpful comments makes me feel even better. Thank you very much for sharing your mind here.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Thank you.

    • Astra Nomik profile image

      Cathy Nerujen 3 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

      It sounds like a small town mindset that is happening there. But stick with it and it will pass. They will eventually accept you. It will take time. You will prove yourself over time, Friendships can take time. Trust is the issue there...

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 3 years ago from India

      One emotion and so much tribulation ! We are filled with many negative and positive emotions but the way you have faced this emotion mentally and physically is just a different thing. Prior to this read, I assumed envy as something good to emulate the dynamic and successful people in order to make progress in life but you have shown a different aspect of it. Here, in this part of the world, jealousy is abhorred not envy. It is great that you are brave enough to maintain your mental equilibrium ;all credit goes to your long cherished values. Interesting stuff,no doubt.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      True friendship is hard to find nowadays and it is rare. In a small town, everybody knows everybody and they have grown up there their whole life, so it is hard to fit in and make new friends. Just continue to be yourself. If you have at least one true friend then you are blessed.

      Good article.

      Blessings, Faith Reaper

    • thumbi7 profile image

      JR Krishna 3 years ago from India

      Interesting read. Even though we have all kinds of people around us, we should be careful that their negative energy is not affecting us

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. It does not speak well for us. We have all dealt with envious people at one time or another. It is not pleasant as you say and your examples are good ones. I agree, it is hard when the community is so small. I have to agree with Faith - true friendship is hard to find today. Plus, the American culture can be cruel to outsiders. I hope having HP to vent a little is helping you. I wish you the best during this holiday season.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Astra Nomik I believe you trust takes time and it will get better thank you for the overwhelming support.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Astra Nomik I believe you trust takes time and it will get better thank you for the overwhelming support.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Harishprasad thank you for the kind comment and this is certainly something I have handled in my way, so glad you came by I appreciate you reading my hubs.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      It is not easy finding true friendships thank you for commenting, Happy Holidays!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Thank you for commenting Happy Holidays!

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      suzettenaples certain cultures have different ways of making friends thank you for commenting Happy Holidays!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 3 years ago from South Africa

      Envious people are unbearable. Although envy is a primordial human characteristic, the well-bred person knows how to control it with love and compassion.

      You know exactly what to do: "Envy is cruel, when people behave this way it is best to keep away and do what makes you happy and fulfilled."

      Fortunately you have many well-bred online friends who wish you only the best of happiness, peace and joy.

    • D.A.L. profile image

      Dave 3 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      Knowing your character and your inner determination, I know this is just a temporary situation for you. Your true self will be accepted soon by the majority I am sure, the minority that wont budge do not deserve your attention and are missing out. I have never been envious of any body and do not yearn for the things I can not have, but I am very thankful for the things I do have. Best wishes for you and the future.

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 3 years ago from United States

      I am sorry to hear that you are living where you seem to stay an outsider despite two years of living there. I probably would avoid the envious one as that is uncomfortable. I also would not give her the pleasure of seeing me react. I wish you the best, and I hope you have wonderful holidays.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      MartieCoetser how lovely to have you share your thoughts here so glad you came by. Thank you for the kind comment always appreciated.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      D.A.L. Thank you very much for sharing your kind thoughts here I appreciate your efforts you have been one of my good supporters always coming by have a blessed Christmas.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Pamela99 Thank you and Happy Holidays!

    • purnasrinivas profile image

      purnasrinivas 3 years ago from Bangalore

      We have all sorts of people around us and envious people are one kind of them. My experience says with time either we learn to live with them or avoid them.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      purnasrinivas well said and so true thank you for sharing whats on your mind on The Envious Friend I think avoiding them sounds best. Happy Holidays!

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      I am so sorry you have to go through this DDE! Thank you for sharing your story with us here on HP. I have had similar experiences, yet I was born here. I've been here my whole life. Isn't that interesting, that it can happen to both of us with totally different circumstances.

      When my children were small, I took them to a indoor play group. A woman with a daughter the same age took notice of us and started talking to me. The group ended and I started walking my children to the park in town in the stroller. She saw me on the road one day and stopped to talk to me. I found out she lives in the same neighborhood. It turned in to a nightmare. She wasn't from here. She was from a different state.

      She was very jealous. She did things that were so spiteful, I eventually told her that I was no longer interested in getting together for play dates. So she turned in to a psycho. It got really scary for a while, the stalking and driving by my house. I couldn't walk to the mail box without her stalking me from a nearby driveway. She even spoke badly of me to a mutual friend. So I told her too I couldn't talk to her any more because I was done with the drama.

      This neighborhood used to be friendly. But it's not the same as it was when I was growing up. I don't know many of the neighbors.

    • DDE profile image
      Author

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi CraftytotheCore your experience sounds a nightmare for sure someone stalking you and making your life a living hell is far too much to cope with glad that is over thank you for sharing. I have my way to deal with such hurt them with my kindness. I appreciate your visit to my hubs.

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