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The Fixed Paradigm; Self Deception
As with many interactions, there are clues that they are false. Sometimes, perhaps most times, we miss the fact that this laudable attempt at reconnection is prompted by an outside force which has, in truth, very little force.
It takes a level of dishonesty and self-deception to put forward a meaningless hand of friendship.
There are many people who lie to themselves. People who restructure events and ideas to match their current ‘grid’. They can turn the most bland action or word into threats, challenges, which are so far beyond logic that if you were to describe, if you were to video tape and replay the event, it would leave your audience in a state of complete confusion.
To identify these people is necessary. Necessary to prevent wasting time, emotion, expectation, for no matter what, if they believe you flew to the moon on a broomstick, there is no way to dissuade them. So don’t waste time.
The forty five year old Abandoned Baby
George has always wanted to see himself as an abandoned and neglected child. He is in his mid forties. No matter what has been said, done, he keeps rebooting to maintain that fallacy.
His parents, separately, have tried to force daylight into his darkness and have failed.
His father spent a month with him and his family trying to be 'there’ trying to make George see him as he is.
His mother spent a month with him and his family doing the same thing.
Both parents failed.
After George’s marriage ended, after the various dramas played, the father made another effort, but it was rebuffed.
The mother thought she was getting somewhere, but, despite the original sense of success, it was another reboot.
George is the kind of person who will never call, email, or make any attempt to reach out.
If sent an ecard for his birthday, (considering he never sent such a card to anyone) he will respond with a long attack on the worthlessness of such a token, how it would have been better if a paper card was purchased a card and mailed it to him.
He is not communicating with people he has ever wished a happy birthday so that he can fall back on his actions, he is communicating with people who make more effort than he does.
And attacking their effort.
George can sit down and go through a long rigamarole which seems to be an 'Epiphany’ and when those he speaks with feel that a break through has been made, he ignore all further attempts at communication, until such time as he can send an excoriating email which tears into their balance.
This kind of behaviour is standard for people like George.
George is a blatant example of the kind of personality disorder which makes him a 'must avoid’.
Intelligent people have a kind of flexibility of perception. By this I mean, they are willing to accept more than one explanation for an event which permits more than one explanation. One might believe something and then be told that it is not true, and be able to analyse and conclude that although holding to postulate A for X period, postulate B is possible.
A person like George can never alter his perception, no matter how false it can prove to be. For a person like George will always reboot, discarding facts to maintain his fiction.
If George thinks you were absent from your job on Monday, even showing him a video feed which has you at the office on Monday will not convince him. He will prefer to assume you have tampered with the footage, will twist his words to make it sound that he said you were not 'at your desk’ on Monday instead of absent.
George will tell different people different stories not ever realising that they can compare and confront, and then he will sprain his tongue trying to coordinate his stories.
Although it would be nice if people like George were rare, they tend to make up a large enough segment so that you will know at least one person like him.
The only thing that works with George is silence. Nothing will change his beliefs, although many of his beliefs are totally fluid. He can adjust to match the current fantasy he holds. To try to defend yourself, to explain, to believe that the last talkathon was of value is to waste your time.
George will go to his grave believing he was abandoned and neglected, and a Mount Everest of proof that he was not will have no effect on that belief. So don’t bother.