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The Importance of Honesty After a Breakup, Even If You Turn Out to Be the Loser

Updated on June 30, 2011

It's Hard To Do

Suffering from a breakup is damaging to your emotions, sanity, and ego.  However, in order to avoid repeatedly making the same mistakes, a period of self-examination is vital.  Brutal honesty, not the self-loathing kind, is necessary in evaluating what went awry in your relationship.  If you were dumped, don’t overanalyze the words that were used in your dismissal—especially if the coward used some silly cliché like “It’s not you, it’s me.” 

Instead, reflect on the behavior that led to that moment.  What was the substance of your fights?  Did your relationship grow stale because your significant other got too comfortable and refused to wear pants, even to Sunday dinner with your parents?  If that behavior repulses you (some people find it charming), instead look for someone with an adventurous side.  At the center of most breakups is the lack of compatibility, which is often ignored by people under the delusion of love.


It's Not Me, It's You

Obviously, not every breakup is the other person’s fault.  Being honest with yourself will help you grow and learn from your shortcomings.   Did you call your significant other twelve times a day at work to see if he/she was thinking about you, even after he/she politely requested that you stop?  If so, evaluate why you relied on this person for your entertainment or validation.  Your day was clearly not full of activities making you feel complete (and you probably didn’t have a job if you had that much time on your hands).  Make sure you are a whole person, fully capable of taking care of yourself before getting back out there or you are doomed to repeat your mistakes. 

Breakups are hard, but they don’t have to be pointless if you make an honest self-assessment and enter your next relationship as a wiser and more capable partner.  Besides, no one wants to go out with an unmotivated loser or an insecure ball of hot-mess so take some time to not be that person.

True Story


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