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The Lessons that burn you

Updated on December 25, 2013
The truth is often hard to accept
The truth is often hard to accept | Source

Welcome Readers

Happy holidays to all my readers! Are you currently suffering in silence from the memories of an old break up? Can't seem to drown out the screams and bad words that ended everything? Well as tempting as it is to pick up some booze or other pain relief drugs. Take a moment and read this article. No it probably won't take your pain away immediately but it will give you some insight on what is happening and how to control it. Knowing is half the battle right? Before I give my advice I have a few statements that must be made. First I am NOT a medical professional and my advice should not be used in replacement of medical treatment. Second my advice comes from knowledge and experience. Examples of that is basic psychology, internet surfing, watching others go through it, and having personally experienced it. Please don't leave hateful or rude comments at the bottom of the page because they will be instantly deleted. If you would like to give your feedback please do so in a respectful and tasteful manner. Thank you. With that out of the way, I will give my advice if your still willing to read it? Lol just kidding lets get into it!

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When you break up with someone you loved!

Let's just start at the top and work our way down shall we? Now at the top of everything is breaking up with someone you really loved. Why is that at the top? I can't tell you how many articles, how many people I met that are currently suffering from this pain. Now their are probably many reasons why things ended, the big picture is that it doesn't really matter. The memories tend to really seem to burn you at random moments. It's like slowly killing your joy and overall happiness no matter how much you try to ignore it. You can spend a lot money and go to a doctor for them to tell you that you're suffering from depression and they prescribe you some low dose medications. Or you can take the first step yourself and accept that you're suffering from a condition called depression. It is very, very, normal. Everyone has suffered from depression at some point in their lives. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Ready for step number two? Now the next step is to take your control back! Think of it like this, why the hell would you want to keep giving your EX all that power over you? It is time to let go of them and live your life. Keep in mind that real friends will support you and help you gain your control back because they will be sick of your ass being so damn depressing! They will help you by listening to you and planning your relaunch into the social world once more! Step number three, and yes their is a third step. Once you get out again, the pain is not going to magically disappear right? It will be cut down a lot but you will still be suffering from the once beautiful memories that now are like knifes in your chest. Here is my step number three, forgive yourself. Nobody is perfect and whatever happened it doesn't matter whose fault it was. The message you need to understand is that you broke up for a reason! That person was not good for you or they would still be there! You have to forgive yourself, if your playing the guilt trip on yourself. If you think its wrong to talk to someone else than you need to forgive yourself for being silly. It's okay. Or if your still angry with them you need to forgive them for not being perfect for you. Than look for someone better! No time like the present!! Don't waste it because you're not getting any younger and the more you wait the more chances that your going to pick up someone really damaged. Simply because they been out there for awhile. So get out there soon!

The worse kind of heart break
The worse kind of heart break | Source

Friends with benefits gone wrong!

Yes oh my god! I did go there! The title should tell you everything but I am going to explain a few things. First of all, you're straight fooling yourself if you think could actually work out sooner or later. The chances of that happening is almost zero to negative one. Why? Well first of all the respect is gone. Just take respect right off the table! How the hell can you have an honest relationship with someone who don't respect you? Seriously if they only see you for sex than you really think that is going to change? The fact is that it is wrong period. Why? Because someone always gains feelings! And guess what? That is completely normal!! The problem usually is that once the damage is done you can't undo it. You can't say wow you been fucking me so good I think I want to date you now! UMMM SERIOUSLY?? How do you even say that in a normal conversation and expect to be taken seriously. It don't work like that. Now I personally love to play devils advocate! So what if your both new to the whole friends with benefits thing and you both don't know if you should end things or possibly move forward? Let me just give you some facts. Unless both parties are willing to change the dynamic of the relationship by basically rebuilding a solid foundation than it WON'T WORK OUT! Both parties should terminate all sexual encounters before the psychosis of one or both parties is severally damaged. If both parties continue to have sexual encounters than it is inevitable that a severe break of the psychosis will happen. It could result in many possibilities including ones of fatality. The point of this for everyone should be you need to know what exactly you want or this will go wrong. With that being said, the bad this type of relationship can leave behind is very ugly. Why? Because it wasn't worth it. The regret you feel once its over. Your image of yourself. Your not the same person. Your morals, everything has to be repaired. If you ever want to be happy again. The long term damage this could do to someone is really bad. Now never fear if this has happened to you and your hurting, here is some immediate advice. Seek counseling. It is not because your crazy. Its just you need to let out those memories and the silent pain. You need to tell someone who isn't in a position to judge you or bad mouth you behind your back. You need to change the way you think about things as well. You need build yourself back up from the ground up. If you don't you will continue a nasty cycle of bad relationships and hurt. YOU WILL NEVER FIND HAPPINESS. Do it for you and nobody else and for pity's sake keep your mouth shut about it to others.

Everyday shouldn't be a party
Everyday shouldn't be a party | Source

Relationships based on drugs/drinking

Now this will be my last advice piece. Some relationships are really less about feelings and more drugs or drinking habits. If that is a common factor in a relationship than are they really in love? Or are they using each other to have someone to share their habit with like a cigarette? You have to realize that those relationships are poison from the start. There will always be a time where you have "bad trips" with that person. One day they will get more intense. Until your about ready to kill each other. It is totally nobody's business if you do this stuff once and awhile. You have enough control not to let it control you. Or change your life. Fine that's your business you handle it whatever way you want. I'm talking about after the end has already happened. You wonder where you went wrong? First the foundation is based on drugs or drinking. Now an altered state of thinking isn't always a bad thing. It is a very bad thing when done in excess. So if that is all you had in common than you bet your butt that it was going to fall out one day. My advice here is to get medical help if you're using extreme drugs or drinking. Now here is the secret reason why it won't work out. Ask yourself why do people drink or do drugs in the first place knowing they are bad for you? Simple to escape certain feelings that are negative. Now constant negative thoughts are a sign of what? Depression that is right. Now to escape the negative thoughts (i.e. drepression) people sometimes resort to drinking and doing drugs. To temporary alter their state of thinking and create a false happy reality. Now when done in excess it is dangerous, especially when you have two depressed people feeding off each other. It's like they are playing pin pong with their depression. Until someone gets hurt. That's the secret reason it won't work out, because two extremely depressed people can't have a healthy relationship period. It is impossible. They may think it is healthy but outsiders who can see them are like what the hell is wrong with them? It more or less is doomed from the start, unless both parties can help each other clean up the mess in their lives and get help. And stop doing so much of it.

I love the lyrics of this song

Final words of advice!

I was once asked "Why do I write these articles? What is the overall message you want to send to readers?" The answer is I want my readers to identify bad and pointless relationships, friendships, and people in general. With that being said I want to advice you, the readers, to avoid meanless hook-ups over the holidays. Instead look at what they want to give you. Do they really want to be with you long term or are they just out for a good time? Are they someone you want to bring home? ARE THEY WILLING TO PUT UP WITH YOU? Everyone has dark places inside of them. You want to find someone who can pull you back from those dark places not create more dark places inside of your mind. Stay in control of your life because no one else will. Cherish the people who love you and want the best for you. Obviously there is more damaging relationships but I just want to cover a few. Stay tuned for more advice! Until next time readers be safe, take care of yourselves and have a blessed and safe holidays! Ciao.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 3 years ago

      Great advice! Voted up and useful.

      I believe too many people refuse to take responsibility for their own choices. Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse. There is no getting around that. At some point in time we said "yes" to this person. When we put all the blame for our heartache on the other person we negate our power of choice. We can learn from our mistakes!

      Know yourself, love yourself, and trust yourself (before) you pursue a relationship with anyone else. You are responsible for your own happiness!

      If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a better shopper! (Stick to your own shopping list.)

      When it comes to relationships most of us "fail our way" to success.

      We grow/evolve overtime in our thinking about what is really important to us. It's important to let go of the notion of "right" and "wrong". A person who is "wrong" for (you) may be "right' for (someone else) and vice versa. There is only "agree" and "disagree". Ultimately we are all looking for someone who "naturally agrees" with us on the major things in life.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: we either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary"

      - Oscar Wilde

    • Mistressoflove profile image
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      Mistressoflove 3 years ago from Rhode Island

      thank you dashingscorpio! I love your comment and agree 1000% with what you said. I really appreciate you voting my hub up! :)

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