The Many Easy Ways To Be Popular
Stop Being Unwanted. Follow My Advice
I am going to be short, sweet, and to-the-point. You don't have time to read lenghty articles that are true. You, with your job, school, and family, barely have time to surf TV Guide. So I am doing you and I a huge favor by just getting "to the meat" of the subject on The Many Easy Ways To Be Popular and be done with it.
I will be dressed in a tux when I accept my Pulitzer Prize for my story. I don't want to sound crass or boastful, but I think that heads of state will be impressed with this offering that will, if applied, change not only your life, but lives around you. And all for FREE. Who could ask for more than that, pal?
When was the last time you were invited to a party--any party? That long, huh? Did it ever cross your mind that you were not that popular? I am not here to judge you or hurt your feelings, but a little tough love is necessary at this juncture. That is, if you want to be socially successful and on the lips of every socialite who lives in your town. Let's be honest. Since time began, we all have a secret craving to be popular. That is what makes us human. Even animals need to be popular. Solitude, my friend, is a silent disease that breeds depression and anxiety and then it leads to narcotics that alter your thoughts. Now do you really want that? Didn't think so.
Being popular is easy. Hardly takes any work to be popular. If it were hard work, would the likes of Johnny Carson, Bill Cosby, Bob Hope, Phyllis Diller, and Nancy Sinatra be as popular as they are--even in 2011? No. Being popular cannot be taught in any self-help group or school. These are mere wastes of your time and money. Being popular should be as natural as drinking water. It is not because we, in our so-called enlightened state above the entire food chain, has made it hard. Why? Simply because there are some who are popular who are "hogs" and don't want to share any popularity with anyone. I mean anyone.
HOW TO GET STARTED ON THE ROAD TO POPULARITY.
If you work in an office with lots of friends, and hear about a party that someone in your office is throwing, DON'T BE the silent rebel. James Dean is gone. And DO NOT invite yourself and end up being a jerk. Simply and politely say to the host of the party at the water cooler or over lunch, "Say, Barb, what is the theme for your party?" Barb will be more than glad to tell you. People love to talk about themselves to others. "Very interesting and unique," you humbly reply after she spills her guts to you. Suddenly, her ego, that you have massaged, will kick in and she will ultimately say, "Uh, say, Ned, can you make it to my party?" Now if you are NOT a total loser, you have already made the crucial step to being popular. Say thanks in a nice way and go to Barb's party and dress nice, Ned. Do not go in a wrinkled shirt or pants...the Grunge Look is long over. Look successful without being brazen. Have fun at the party. And now that you are at Barb's party, politely make small talk with everyone you can..get your name on the minds of people there. Say things like, "We never get a chance to talk at work, Margarie, but if I might be so bold, that is a lovely pair of shoes you are wearing," and bam! Another girl, another party. Margarie will have an inflated ego because you didn't compliment Barb and its a fact that all girls want what other girls already have, so hello, Margarie next Saturday night. See how easy this works?
And another easy way to obtain popularity and go good at the same time is: Volunteer for almost every cause that comes to your front door. Appear at fundraisers. Walk with others in a walk to find a cure for baldness. Hand out flyers. Volunteer at at soup kitchen or local mission. Soon and I mean soon, YOUR name will be equated with NICE and CARING, which you are, and these things will only add to your sensitive character. NOTE: The vast majority of women love sensitive, caring guys. Remember that as you become Mr. Ned, Popular Guy About Town.
At Christmas, show up at a divorcee's house and NOT dressed to kill. Have in your hand, a nice Christmas card and a small gift for her and her children if she has any. Talk about score! Man, this is so easy. All you have to do is BE THERE. I wouldn't be shocked if the attractive divorcee didn't invite you in for coffee and cake. And from there, who knows? And it didn't cost you a penny. Oh, there might be a moment of tension when the pretty divorcee asks, "Do I know you?" but she will see the Men Who Cheat Are Jerks buttton on your sweater and then her eyes will twinkle. You simply say, "Oh, (INSERT NAME), I am sorry. I have lived across the street from you and never had the time to wish you a happy holiday," then slowly turn and "act" like you are leaving. She will have you to wait and then you can talk and drink coffee, and everything she says..AGREE with it. From I hate men to I wish marriage were abolished...AGREE with this and she will instantly like you. And sooner than later, you and this attractive lady can attend a holiday party where you can network even more eligible young ladies who will think you are a super guy when your divorcee date tells them in the ladies room how sensitive and caring you are. These gals will all think to themselves how they can date you, so look out. Hope you have the stamina to hold out.
Finally, the Topper. The Icing on The Cake! At your local grocery store....check out and make double-sure that the gal you want to ask out is single before you do this. If she is married, her companion just might pay a call on you that you won't like. Don't follow this cutie around like a clod or stalker, but don't lose sight of her. At just the right time, get behind her in the check-out line and without as much as a word, VOLUNTEER to pay for her groceries. She will be shocked. And ask you why? Then say, you don't have to do this. To which your humble act goes into motion and you reply, "Oh yes, I do have to do this. I made myself a promise last year to do ONE GOOD DEED for one person a day and today, you are it!" And this pretty lady, hopefully single, will melt with appreciation. She will thank you. Offer to pay you but do not take it. Then she might want to have coffee with you sometime, but don't jump at this right now. Ask for her number so you can call her later to set up a date. See? This didn't cost you as much as you invested in being popular.
If you have any comments, email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
and I promise to respond.
Thanks. And Peace . . .!