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The Opposite Sex

Updated on August 29, 2009

Men say "Women! Can't understand them!" Women say "Men! Will never understand them!" Truth be told, we never really completely understand anyone in our lives. And yet we want to blame it on the gender. Why? Easier than blaming ourselves, maybe. But when we start blaming others for any given situation we really should step back and take a look inside ourselves to see how we can make the situation better. We contribute to our situations, whether good or bad, and we need to take responsibility for that.
The young people today find It so easy to say this just isn't working, and walk out. They seem to think the grass is greener on the other side ( that grass needs to be tended to also.). Instant gratification. If it's not working, chunk it. This is the new attitude. Relationships take a lot of work. If you want to be good at something, you have to work at it, you have to practice. People got to college to learn to be a good lawyer, doctor, architect or teacher. Why can't we practice at being good significant others. Get to really know each other. Give 100% to each other in unison. Then the more you try to please, the more you will be pleased when both are working at it.
Then there are those of us who stick it out till it's last dying breath. Why? Many would ask this. I say it's because there are some of us completely commited to making it work because it matters, because others hearts and feelings are at stake. Hey, it is not easy. No one ever said it would be. But to make a relationship work, both have to be commited, not just one. You are just spinning your wheels when you are the only one commited. Then in the final throes of death, some little something will happen and in that instant we realize, in our hearts, it is over. After giving your all, tolerating the hurt and pain and frustration there is nothing left. Some will walk away never look back, never consider their part in the breakdown and go on to do the same in the next relationship. And so it goes. Some of us who are left behind in the wake of the quake can get up dust ourselves off and go on to at least be free to make someone, willing to work at it, happy to have them. To them I say "You did your best, now breath, just breath, you deserve it."
I think it very unfair that men get blasted all the time for the collapse in relationships. Women are equally guilty. We think they can read our minds. They can't. Hello!!! If you want something speak up, say what it is. Give him a lead, a hint, something. But don't expect him to just know because he is your man. Listen, words aren't just words, they flow through our minds repeatedly minute after minute. If you have a need, or a want, verbalize it. Make him or her understand. That is how we get to know each other. Don't blame him just because he is a man. He has feelings just like we do. He has doubts, insecurities, needs, and a desire to be understood. We do not have exclusive rights to place the blame on him just because he is a man. Sometimes we need to take a long hard look in the mirror at ourselves. Don't worry guys you are not completely off the hook here either, because this can apply to you also. We cannot read your minds either.Things could be so much smoother if we didn't expect so much from each other, but expect more from ourselves. We are responsibe for our part in the relationship, in that we do our part to let the other know our wants and needs and we strive to know their wants and needs.
It is a tough old world out there these days. we have so much going on at any given moment that it wears us down and burns us out til we are running on fumes. If we could just learn not to take each other for granted. Learn each others wants and needs, emtional and physical. And each feed those needs, have each others back, be the first to say "how was your day"? Then when we commit to each other fully, at the end of the day we have a soft place to fall and have someone there that we know we can depend on. "Yea Right! ", you say. When you want it bad enough AND you are willing to do the work, it can be accomplished. Just think if we applied this to all of our relationships how much nicer the whole world could be. No it won't be easy, but ooh it would be so worth it. More unity, less divorce. More peace, less stress. More love, less hate.
We are all connected by only 6 degrees of separation. When we hurt someone, it has a ripple affect. We only get just one shot at life, then it's over. Everyone is talking about saving the world. Well, we can start right here where we are, inside ourselves. Save our own lives by doing our best to make the people in our lives a happier place to be. Be considerate, be kind, take the time to take the time. We can all make a difference. Men and women.


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    • singlmomat52 profile image

      singlmomat52 7 years ago

      Well thank you ahorseback! I have survived much, but we all have our own way of dealing with life, some are strong and some just give in to the pressure, but it is our own indidividual way of coping. I enjoy writing about my life, painful as it may be, as it may help someone along the way.

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 7 years ago

      A I read your hubs I am reminded , it is woman , generally who have the greater resolve to survive anything and you sure have that....

    • singlmomat52 profile image

      singlmomat52 8 years ago

      Thank you so much!!! I hope that many will read it and take something good from it and put it to use in their lives. Thank you again, it means a lot to me.

    • Dewey Cheatem profile image

      Dewey Cheatem 8 years ago

      Excellent hub. The paragraph where you write about "sticking it out till your last dying breath" really hit home for me. I see the grass. It's the greenest right here in my back yard. I wish the HubPages website would randomly show a hub on their main page. This one would be read to the end by everyone who was lucky enough to find it. Thanks for sharing it with us.