- Gender and Relationships
Cheating in Marriage-Reasons and the Solutions
Cheating in Marriage-The Husband, The Other Woman, and How To Prevent and Eliminate Cheating Within the Marriage
Sociologists, psychologists, sexologists, and other social scientists maintain that husbands cheat in a marriage because there is a myriad of opportunities and that wives no longer fulfill their intellectual, social, and sexual needs. Oftentimes,wives become comfortable once they are married. They switch from being exciting sexual women to ordinary wives, taking their husbands for granted. They often do not realize that their husbands are not just husbands but men with desires and wants that did not change because of marriage.
It is important for any relationship, particularly the marital relationship, to add some nuances and variety to keep it exciting and new. Many women, once they get married, believe that they no longer have to pay attention to themselves because they got their man. As a result of this belief, they do not take care of their appearance as much as they should. They become almost sexless as they believe that they do not need sex as much because they are married. Many women cease to be girlfriends and lovers to their husbands which result in loss of sexual interest on the part of the husband.
There are some women, highly educated and intelligent, who quit their jobs after marriage. It is their contention that their husbands are supposed to support them financially and if they work at all, it should be for pleasure and not for the maintainence of the household. These wives do not realize that as adults, the husband and wife are equal partners who are supposed to support each other. Only a child expects to be supported financially. Marriage is a 50-50 situation in every respect. A husband who is the only breadwinner will feel the onus of responsibility placed upon him and oftentimes feels taken for granted. This results in resentment on the part of the husband who is in the dominant role while his wife is in the passive role. Many husbands today respect a woman who can contribute financially to the household and this carries over into the sexual relationship. Husbands want wives who have independent lives.
Often after a woman becomes a parent, she adopts the motherhood role to the exclusion of the wife and lover role. On the Oprah Winfrey show some years back, many husbands complain that once their wives became mothers, their sexual lives became extinct. The husbands reported that their wives no longer wanted sex and viewed sex as a chore. Sometimes wives and mothers are so involved with their children that they forget that they are sexual beings. As a result of being overly involved with the motherhood role, they cease to be exciting to their husbands. Many husbands maintain that during their marriages, they have grown whereas their wives have not. Many wives believe that once they are married and/or become mothers, they are secure in their relationships with their husbands and need not to grow. They become content in their wifely and motherly roles to the detriment of their roles as lovers.
Now there is the other woman. The other woman is everything a wife and/or mother is not. She is sexually scintillating in addition to being intellectually and sexually fierce. She can be single, divorced, or married. She often does not take the cheating husband for granted for she knows that she only has him for the moment. The other woman often has an equal adult-to -adult relationship with the cheaitng husband. A husband cheats on his wife usually because he wants sexual excitement, intellectual adult conversation, and an adult relationship which he usually does not have with his wife.
The other woman usually treats the cheating husband as someone special. She is highly appreciative of the husband and treats him as a lover which greatly inflates his sense of self as a sexual being. Many wives are often stuck in a rut, both sexually and intellectually. They complain when their husbands want to try out new things in the bedroom. Also, many wives are so contained in their own universe that they do not venture out of intellectually by reading new books and tryng out new experiences.
The modern husband, especially if he has a stay at home wife, is usually drawn to and respond to career women who are often their intellectual equal. Many husbands find career women to be sexually exciting because they are equals in the workplace. In addition to this, the career woman is in an active role while the wife is in the passive role. In other words, the career woman is often fiercely independent whereas the wife depends upon the husband for her lifestyle and needs. Many husbands find relationships between two equals in the workplace to be exciting and want to pursue this in sexual, social, cultural, and intellectual avenues.
The other woman maintains her physical attractiveness as she knows that this is highly important. She realizes that if a woman lets herself go or becomes comfortable, there is no excitement and spontaneity in relationships. She further contends that men like well- maintained and attractive women. She knows that being attractive and well-maintained is a reflection of high self-esteem and her sexual power. The other woman often keeps in shape by eating well, dieting, and exercising. She does not believe in becoming comfortable and safe in a relationship.
Yes, husbands are going to cheat. However, wives can do their part in maintaining a vibrant, sexual, and intense marriage by not taking her husband for granted. Wives can assume a more dominant role in their marriage by having and/or maintaining their careers and their own independent lives. They can become sexual tigers by maintaining their physical appearance and exercising. They do not let the motherhood role be the end all of their marital relationships. Furthermore, they must be willing to experiment sexually and to be intellectually and socially curious. In this way, the chances of her husband cheating is greatly lessened, if not eliminated.