The Perils of Getting Back With Your Ex-Boyfriend

Ever thought of what the scariest thing about being single could be? No, it’s not ever having a baby puking over your shoulder or looking 60 when you’re 35 because you’ve overdone the booze. It’s wanting to get back with your ex- boyfriend just because you’re starved for love.

You start make excuses to do it. He, poor darling, has lost his job and needs a cuddle. You need an ego boost, and after all, it was you who ditched him. Even if he ditched you, your legs can still drive him into a frenzy and when was the last time your legs did that to someone?

Anna K tells me that she called up her ex while in a lonely mood and landed up in bed with him. She’d forgotten totally about what a lousy lover he used to be. What made it worse was the fact that he had another girlfriend and she felt extremely guilty about it, but still did it. “Well, at least it made me realize that I wasn’t really missing anything,” she says with a sheepish grin.

Ranjana says she only wanted to cuddle a bit with an ex-boyfriend she had bumped into after ten years for old time’s sake, but it didn’t stop at that of course, and she was shaken and disillusioned by what he had become: Soft and flabby and a little bald on top, shorn of all sex appeal. “It was so terrible,” she confesses, “I had to think of Rhett Butler in ‘Gone with the Wind’!” But even that didn’t work.

Avoid calling up an ex just when you’ve broken off with your lover. It could turn out to be more humiliating than doing it with a flabby ex. Mridula’s ex suggested they meet up for a drink because she sounded so desperate and sad on the telephone. After a few drinks he invited her to spend the night at his place because she couldn’t go home that night.

But his new girlfriend was there too and Mridula felt utterly rejected. The new girlfriend kept glaring at her all through dinner and she had to sleep on the carpet and listen to all the coochie cooing and more going on in the adjoining room. She left early in the morning, without saying goodbye.

It could be worse if you have any feelings left over for him, or he for you. You could be the eternal femme fatale and actually enjoy the fact that he still loves you and you don’t, but beware of fanning the old flames. You’ll have to get rid of him all over again and go through all the old arguments that tore you apart in the first place.

On the other hand, god forbid that it’s you that still carries the torch. Only one thing is worse than doing it with an ex: Being spurned by one. Remember, it’s not the sex you really want. It’s making love. And that’s no longer possible. You’re no longer are his girlfriend and can’t expect him to do it with you and kiss your neck as you floss your teeth the morning after.

Ex lovers can be brutally honest about their other affairs and tend to go into the gory details and expect you to smile and say, “Oh how interesting.” Are you willing to learn about how the new girlfriend kisses him, how small her waist is, how silky her hair? I mean even if you’re blessed with these, you still don’t want to know that someone else who’s with your ex has them too. You always want to be the one he’ll never forget.

So forget about getting back with your ex-boyfriend. Let him remember how good it used to be between you, and if it was bad, at least he’ll remember you as the woman of substance who never looks back or acts desperate. Believe me, the admiration will stay long after the romance fades and you would have succeeded in filing your exes away like you ought to.