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The Secret Power of Breasts

Updated on October 14, 2009

Curious as to what it is like to have breasts? This daring expose covers the deep and dirty world of those who have breasts. Women who wield the power of breasts must do so with great care, for their powers are greater than anyone might suppose.

Breasts In The Public Eye

Having breasts in public can draw a lot of attention away from other things about your person. That's why some women display a great deal of cleavage. When they display their cleavage, hardly anyone notices the fact that they happen to also be carrying say, a bloody knife, or the proceeds of an illicitly obtained stimulus check. Sometimes the flashing of cleavage can be so successful that a woman can rise through the ranks of a major political party, become governor of a state and even run for Vice President before anyone else notices that she's a virtually illiterate beauty queen with no grasp of world affairs whatsoever.

Breasts and Sports

Having breasts generally requires the wearing of a bra. If the breasts are of any significant size, a sports bra will be necessary if a woman wishes to partake in vigorous athletic activity. Without such support her breasts will bounce everywhere in a charming though ultimately painful fashion. This disruption can be used to comic effect when playing against the opposite gender, who will often miss catches, run into fences and occasionally dive off the odd cliff due to being transfixed by the breasts leaping and bounding before him.

The Importance of Breasts

Even though a woman has breasts, she may feel insecure about their shape, size, or condition. Because she is aware of how important breasts are in general society, she may feel compelled to show them off to best effect. Push up brassieres can become a necessary evil for small chested women. Large breasted women enjoy the increased social status that comes with having enlarged mammaries, much like a male goat enjoys elevated social status due to a set of large and curling horns.

Breast Blindness

Any woman who has breasts will have, at some point, been the victim of breast blindness, where a social interaction goes horribly wrong because the other party becomes fixated by the woman's breasts. “I'm up here,” is the common catch cry of the woman interacting with a fellow afflicted by breast blindness. If breast blindness is extreme, all sorts of things can occur, including the purchasing of free drinks, and the proposal of marriage. In ultra extreme cases, breasts may lead to the breaking out of wars, the conquering of continents and even original sin.


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      rich3800 8 years ago

      My wife used to call them "Twin Mountains Bank". She would carry money in her bra with the argument that is she would ever get robbed, that at least she would enjoy herself in the process.

    • bala99 profile image

      Bala Subrahmanyam Vishnubhotla 8 years ago from Hyderabad, Telangana, India.

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      Thank for the Hub, you spared no effort to keep us abreast of the apparent functions of the mammary.