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The Silver Lining To Breaking Up
Destination: Heartbreak City
What is the best thing to come from a breakup? A new you!
If you haven't experienced at least ONE heartbreak in your life, where have you been? Are you still in grade school or have you been living under a rock?
It's okay to grieve. We all go through it some time.
As I researched my latest writing assignment about breakups, I was brought back to that unfriendly place I've already visited. Destination Heartbreak City is never a happy excursion. But truth be told, we grow from the experience. If we are more mature, we even learn to do better in our future relationships.
We all get a little crazy.
It was refreshing (although empathetic) to read Greg Behrendt recall his stupidity during his breakup in It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken. Basically, when I read how he slept in the same bed with the woman he was already broken up with, it made me feel... better. Is that horrible? Cause I think in my heart of hearts he meant for me to feel better. After all, I thought having sleepless nights for months, losing 15 pounds (and I wasn't fat to begin with), cyber-stalking (just a bit at the beginning) and obsessively learning everything about passive aggressive behavior, midlife crisis, narcissistic personality disorder and divorce laws in my state was a bit crazy.... thank you, Greg, for keeping me grounded.
There is a silver lining to every gray cloud during the storm.
Greg found his salvation in making a life for himself that didn't involve love addiction (either he was love-struck, or grieving from heartbreak.... who can't relate to that?). He turned his experience into a comedy act that he performed. In turn, this became his passion and his venting lead to positive changes in his life. He wrote He's Just Not That Into You-- which became a bestseller. I'm not sure if she came before or after the success of his first book, but he met the woman who became his wife and co-author of his book, It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.
I did, too.
As I traveled back in my time machine to the days of my grieving, I remember the day to day victories I celebrated. They started out with: "I made dinner for my kids." Whoo hoo-- although I looked like a skeleton, at least my kids had nourishment. It became, "I got my first writing assignment: 'How To Cook a Turkey'"... note: I had never in my life cooked a turkey, but goodness knows that my journalism college courses kicked in and I researched that puppy to a "T." I even followed my own tips and cooked the best turkey I'd ever baked the Thanksgiving following my first writing gig. By the way, my clients praises brought tears to my eyes-- in a good way!
Never underestimate the power of a fresh slate.
Heartbreak hurts no matter what, but there's always a silver lining to the gray clouds in your storm. Greg Behrendt's were his comical links to stardom and becoming a writer. (I bet his ex is still kicking herself). Mine was researching the dark side of personality disorders and becoming a self-taught relationship expert. I did study it in college but nothing compares to life experience. Plus, I never liked reading until I had a thirst for knowledge about people, relationships and improving the quality of your life. Chalk that up as another plus in your recovery: learning things about yourself you never knew, AND doing things you hated... all for the sake of self-improvement.