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The Spirit of it All

Updated on January 29, 2015

A Decision for the Better

Is it ever okay to stop having sex with your significant other because you have found religion? I met a couple that had been together for at least four months and they haven't had sex yet. Of course the man wants to have sex but the woman told him upfront before they made their courtship official that she had been recently saved. She told her boyfriend that even though she wasn't a virgin she was tired of not doing the right thing according to the Bible. The guy was on board at first because he was shopping for a wife. He had grown very tired of dealing with loose obnoxious women that don't listen to a man. *His words not mine. So it is safe to say that he was very interested in his new girlfriend when they met here.

At first it was all blissful but then his desire for her had started to eat away at him. She told me that she was tempted as well but unless they were getting married she just couldn't put herself through the disappointment again. The girlfriend explained her past on how she would sleep with this guy and that guy with it never feeling completely right. Her exact words were, "My spirit wasn't in it." The connection that was missing from having average sex had proven to be a hindrance in being connected with herself. It's not that she didn't enjoy sex or was frigid in any way, but she was just looking for something more. The woman started going to church more and reading the Bible. Then it clicked to her why some of the life lessons were in place that helped to shape her new life. For starters sex was meant for a virgin man and woman in marriage so they could be officially joined together.

The man would be the first one to break through her wall or seal. He releases his spirit inside of her and she takes it in possibly birthing all of a man's philosophies, dreams, confidence and history. They way she explained it sounded so poetic that I thought I need to read the Bible more. In a perfect world I guess that is how things would go. She went on to add she didn't want a man that just wants her for her body. She really wants to get to know her boyfriend without feeling like she was obligated to have sex with him. You know the whole friends before lovers thing.

The Change

The boyfriend claims he wants a woman with some morals but when he got her he starts acting up on the third month. Maybe the boyfriend was frustrated or maybe like any other individual he just only thought he knew what he wanted. Whatever the case may be the couple weren't as happy as they once were when they beginned dating. I thought to myself it is way too early to have any problems as a couple. You are practically are still in the honeymoon phase. Without making any assumptions I asked her did she think he had someone else? The girlfriend told me no but she thinks her abstinence is beginning to be a problem. Coming too far with her celibacy she was afraid to confront her boyfriend because it felt uncomfortable. Even though they hadn't been together for long she did let him inside of her heart.

By generally caring for her boyfriend to the point where she saw a future with him made the hurt that much worse. His indifference towards her didn't make her want to change her position but she thought about it. In my opinion she shouldn't jump to conclusions until she talks with him first. Regardless of others including myself getting in her ear. Just because the situation has changed by her standards it could be a number of reasons. One thing is for certain you can't allow people to dictate your behavior. You have to do what is best for you even if it doesn't please other people. Personally three months is too quick to be experiencing anything negative. But on the opposite side of that it might be better to know who you are dealing with before it gets too deep.

Getting to the point


The girlfriend decided to have a serious talk with her man in a more comfortable setting. After she hears what he has to say then she will make a decision on if she wants to continue the relationship. Although the boyfriend has been indifferent to her or so she feels it wouldn't be right to just assume she knows the issue. Sometimes not having sex can cause you to think logically instead of being led around by your loins. At least she decides to talk with him rather than continue to come up with more stories about what she thinks.

For us to be adults it is amazing how we can't address issues, make assumptions, and wonder what other people think about us. It reminds me of a high school game that we never get out of playing. He doesn't like me for this or she doesn't care about me for that. How about just engaging in some dialogue. Now I know some people are not big talkers, but do we know our mates enough to approach them the right way? We have to keep in mind that what may not be offensive to some is offensive to others. The best way is to treat people they way you would want to be treated.

Hopefully everything will work out for this couple if they end up together or not. Life is truly for the living and we have to take chances because love is a risk. Some days you are in love and some days you don't know what love look like. Either way love is a beautiful thing if you are able to experience it. It is a feeling that you can't explain instead just feel. Being bitten by love will help you to overlook the small things because life is too short. I am encouraged by something an older person told me once. "You can't be in love by yourself." Meaning if you are in love with someone that is not reciprocating that back then it might not be worth it. This couple is a newly formed union so personalities might just be clashing at this point.

What would you do if you are in a similar situation or what do you think?




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