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15 Uncool Things A Guy Shouldn't Say

Updated on August 2, 2013

Let's be blunt. I can attest to the fact that men have said some very uncool things during the course of history here on Earth. I've been there, done that. Whether it's hanging with the guys, casual conversation, or trying to impress a potential mate, we seem to find ways to flub things up with our soup cooler. Kick back and relax as we navigate through 15 of the most uncool things guys should never say.

"Excuse me, sir. Just what are 'uncool' things to say?"

Saying uncool things will usually result in reactions such as these:

  • Uncontrollable laughter
  • Varying degrees of pity
  • Finger pointing
  • Awkward silence
  • Head Shaking

The Top 15

1. Hey, guys! When I was watching Murder She Wrote, with my grandma, on VHS, I forgot how HOT Angela Lansbury was!

Does anyone under the age of 80 think Angela Lansbury is hot? If your friends have not laughed you out of the house or aren't totally creeped out, then they really are true friends.

2. Ok, guys. I secretly have a stash of Clay Aiken albums.

I almost guarantee that the average person can't name a Clay Aiken song, let alone have a CD or any Itunes downloads of Mr. Aiken.

3. I'll pick you up tonight, in my 1984 Chevette.

We all need to get from point A to B. I guess it does beat the bus.

4. My grandma, makes the best spinach casserole in the whole county!

I'm sure it's absolutely delicious, but your date doesn't care about granny's cooking after knowing you for all of 90 seconds!

5. Hey, Jeff, while you're getting the brats, burgers, and Heineken, can you grab some prune juice too? Thanks bud!

Once again it takes a good non judgemental friend to buy a jar of prune juice for you. When you're in you 20's, you shouldn't have to worry about your regularity. What's next, Metamucil?

6. Hi Francis, thanks for showing up, but I have to be home by 8:45 for my pet hamster Fred's evening feeding.

If Francis remains seated for more than 30 seconds after that, it should be considered one of the miracles of the century.

7. I am the definition of sexy.

I know we all see differently when we look in the mirror. Some see Superman, while others see Pee-wee Herman. Our very average looking friend has a very high and isolated opinion of himself.

8. Would you like to join me and my Aunt Gertrude, down at the bingo hall tonight?

Who doesn't like a friendly game of bingo? I just don't think it's the coolest place to take a young lady for an evening of entertainment.

9. About 12 years ago, I finished third runner-up in the Gilbert Gottfried look-a-like contest!

Never to knock one's achievements, but some things are better off left unspoken.

10. Why yes, I'm a great dancer. I am the master of the Funky Chicken, Cabbage Patch, and the Charleston.

Knowing these dances don't qualify you as a great dancer, but I'm sure it will impress someone, somewhere.

11. What do you mean pro wrestling is fake?!

Yes sir, it's as phony as a three dollar bill. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but "rasslin", is completely scripted. I'm sure you can find something else better to do besides watch grown men jump around in tights, while adopting cartoonish personas.......maybe not.

12. I didn't want to say this out loud, but I still wear 'tighty whities!'

It is of my opinion that any male over 8 years old should be outlawed from wearing briefs. Moving on.

13. My favorite dish to cook is a grilled cheese and SPAM sandwich.

I love a grilled cheese sandwich, but has it ever been confirmed that SPAM was real meat? It should be a charter member in the, Processed Foods Hall of Fame.

14. I wonder if I should've worn black socks with these sandals instead?

No, shouldn't have worn black socks. You shouldn't have worn those white ones either! You shouldn't have bought the shoes, period! Now, go find some cross trainers!

15. Man, does Morgan Freeman ever count all those moles on his face?!

In times of boredom, I'm sure he has, but this is not something that needs to be inquired about. I bet Freeman counts his money first, pizza boy.

In closing, I bet the coolest of the cool have moments where they say the most awkward of things. The intention of this was to inspire those who may have this problem, to think before they make such statements. It's my hope that I was able to get a chuckle or two out of you. By the way, did you know that fried rats are a delicacy in China?

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    • Simba73 profile image

      Simba73 3 years ago from UK

      Love it !!!

      So funny and just what I need right now, spam !!?? it makes great fishing bait !!!

      I'm still laughing about Mr F's moles ...brilliant !!!

      Simba

    • profile image

      Benjamin Chege 3 years ago

      Hi Man of Strength. Nice tips. Now we know how to avoid the mistakes that cost us during important dates. Thanks for sharing. Voted up, useful, awesome, beautiful and interesting.

    • Man of Strength profile image
      Author

      Man of Strength 4 years ago from Orlando, Fl

      Hi Torilynn, glad you had a laugh and I'm glad you're back. How are things?

    • torrilynn profile image

      torrilynn 4 years ago

      Haha i found this to be very funny. Voted up.

    • Man of Strength profile image
      Author

      Man of Strength 4 years ago from Orlando, Fl

      Thanks Colin, I thank you for the support. I'm not a writer in the technical sense, so I appreciate all of your encouraging words. I know life is challenging right now, but you'll be fine. I've learned that all things truly are temporary, even life itself. Thanks again, friend.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Absolutely hilarious my friend and always a real treat to read your funny hubs. You and I are much alike in the way we write our humor which looks good on me because you are such a quick wit and a fabulous writer.

      Thank you for the good laugh this morning when I needed it and yes I suppose you could be daring and write one now from a woman's perspective, lol.

      I love your new profile picture and Colin's been a bit busy lately with life and distracted too, well you know how it is.

      Thank you for your support of my writing and being my friend.

      Have a wonderful day and see you again real soon.

      lake erie time 10:44am

      Posting and linking your funny words here on my FB page

    • Man of Strength profile image
      Author

      Man of Strength 4 years ago from Orlando, Fl

      Hi tobsiness,

      Thanks for stopping by and I'm glad my nonsense could make you smile. I will try to keep them coming.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      A cool fun hub...made me smile. :)

    • Man of Strength profile image
      Author

      Man of Strength 4 years ago from Orlando, Fl

      Hi NIa,

      This was all in fun. I'm glad you laughed to your hearts content. I'm sure you're loving Mexico. Are you still barefooting it everywhere?

    • NiaG profile image

      NiaG 4 years ago from Louisville, KY

      Thanks for the laugh. Hopefully that rats comments was a joke cause you lost cool points if it wasn't. :-) By the way, I do love Regis!