The Worst Wedding

I've been to my share of weddings. The worst are held at 'all inclusive' hotels.

Although made to seem like a voyage to paradise, that is fiction.

Think of a conveyor belt.

The Bride and Groom:.

1. Have to be on spot at a certain time

2. Have to leave that spot at a certain time

3. Can only use a specific restaurant

4. There are penalties for not hitting the spot at the exact time and not leaving on time.

Add to this the fact there are other guests at that All Inclusive who are having their vacation, living their lives. Your wedding is plopped amid them.

The Bride was petulant. Despite being warned she had made up her mind; her wedding would be the way she wanted her wedding.

And that was at an all Inclusive Hotel in Jamaica. The fact she lived in Florida, her family and his family lived in Florida, meant only those who had money to waste would make an airline and a Hotel rich.

As most people are about to hop on a plane and overnight at a Hotel in Jamaica during September, (prime hurricane season) she got her 'guest list' down to twelve people.

These were not the 'right' twelve. Her best friend and her two brothers would not be able to come.

As you can see, the wedding started on a rather bad footing.

"All Inclusive Hotels" seem, to the ignorant, to be great deals. Book everything in your home country, then fly down, and relax.

These hotels handle a lot of weddings. They have them precisely slotted. This is a key factor at those 'All Inclusives.'

Wedding Party 1 must be at Point A no later than 10 am and leave for Point B no later than 10:20 so that Wedding Party 2 can be at Point A no later than 10:30 and leave no later than 10:50 so that Wedding Party 3 can be at Point A at 11 am; on and on all day.

One after another.

Now this is a wedding.

This is supposed to be the most significant day of one's life. It should not be a 'conveyor belt' .

If you are thinking of having your wedding at one of these 'Wedding Mills' think again.

It is wiser, cheaper, and more rewarding to find a quiet guest house in Jamaica where your wedding can take over the entire property all day.

There are many of these little hotel types which don't cost that much, and should be canvassed before wasting those thousands on a conveyor belt.

Understand that If Wedding One has booked Best Restaurant, and Wedding Two has booked Second Best, you will likely find your wedding party at the Tex-Mex corner.

This is not a joke.

This is what happened at the Wedding I write about. The wedding 'dinner' was at a horrible fast food Tex-Mex place which made a guest physically sick.

However, that the food was going to be pretty bad, and the Bride knew it in advance, did not impact on her.

She had her wedding the way she wanted it and while the guests choked and puked, she was busy taking pictures. She must of taken a thousand pictures. Long after the ceremony was over she was taking pictures.

During this period, the guests amused themselves.

The most significant, however, is that this is a large All Inclusive Hotel. There are a lot of guests are at the hotel. They are enjoying themselves.

Parents are with kids, guys are playing football, others are blasting music, some are shouting, and in the midst of this, is a Wedding.

So there are the Bride and Groom, and the Marriage Officer begins his speech when...

"Janey! Stop it!"
"Go Wide Bob!"
"Shut your mouth Charley, you don't know one thing about..."

And on and on, constant shouting, laughing, screaming, while your wedding is taking place. Your guests can't hear a word of the Vows because of the din.

Imagine having a wedding in a busy supermarket and you'll get the idea.

So there's the ceremony, jammed in between tourists enjoying the hotel, and now the bride and groom are posing for photographs.

As the happy couple now moves to greet the guests, a very large bill for the pictures is presented as only 50 photographs came in the ' package'. Of course, this information is given After the pictures were taken. And must be paid for NOW.

So the Bride has to leave the reception to go to her room to find the money to pay for the photographs. The guests are on their own. Some have left.

Getting married should be the best party you ever had. Everyone should be there.
From your First Grade teacher to Great Aunt Helen. Everyone should mingle, be comfortable, and there should be no time limits.

The ceremony should mean something, not be a pre-packaged one. Photographs should be candid or near shots, not staged and disruptive.

The Bride and Groom should mingle with their guests, there should be a lot of memories and poignant moments treasured.

It is better to have a wedding in a backyard where everyone can come, then in an exotic location where the hotel stops guests from entering unless an exorbitant sum is paid.

The food doesn't have to be expensive, and if it runs out, it runs out, because
the point is not a free lunch, the point is that you want everyone to witness this big day.

This is a 'family' affair, where mothers and mothers in law should be brought in,
not pushed out.

Those of you who dream of these 'all inclusive' hotel weddings, FORGET IT!

Your Wedding should be all that is happening. And it is not as expensive or difficult to find a Hotel, even in Jamaica, which has nothing booked for the day of YOUR wedding.

You can, even without a wedding planner, but with FAMILY members drafted for the
purpose, find a fantastic place which will twist itself into a pretzel to please you.

It is far too important a day to be subject to rules, regulations, time limits and head tax.