The benefits of reconciliation

According to the Oxford dictionary, Reconciliation is the restoration of friendly relations. It can also mean reunion, getting back together. So the big question is why reconcile?

We have been hurt and have hurt the one person who used to be very close to us and now our strong relationship has been shattered to pieces. So, what's next?. Should we reconcile with the person or just let the guilt burn in us until it's last piece of oxygen diminish over time?

Having a grudge with someone would only hurt us more and add fuel to the anger and fire already burning in us. It will only break us down emotionally. Like I once read a story comparing grudges to rotten potatoes, the more the rotten potato is left without being discarded, the more it starts to make us feel irritated. Likewise the more grudges left unattended to, the more anger or regret or even both start to burn in us.

We may feel too proud to go back and make amendments for our past mistakes but this will only ruin our relationship with the person involved but if we go and ask for forgiveness, not minding the fact that we may be of higher status to them. Doing this will help rebuild the relationship and free your mind of regrets. Although reconciling doesn't change the past but it may be of great benefit in the future. Once this is done, guilt can be laid to rest (you finally tell Mr. Guilt to rest in perfect pieces). What have you got to lose if you regain your lost friends? I guess nothing should be the right answer

A person must first acknowledge his/her wrongdoings, confess and ask for forgiveness before the right to reconciliation can be granted. Saying sorry is one of the most important words that needs to be said and a show of remorse must also be made with the person promising not to do the type of deeds that lead to the break in relationship/friendship. Gifts are not really necessary but if you think it's a right thing to do, that's not a bad option too.

Amendments can be made in many ways such as:

• Offering gifts such as cards, flowers etc. depending on the type of relationship you share with the person
• Handling in a letter/note of apology
• saying sorry while face to face with sincerity and show of remorse.
• over emails.

• Please forgive me, I'm so sorry I made you sad. I know I broke your heart and I pray my shameful actions do not cause us apart.
• I know I've wronged you in the past but I've come to the realization of making amendments for my wrongdoings. Please forgive me.
• The power of guilt has overtook me ever since we quarrelled. I'm sorry for my rash actions. Please forgive me.
• I find it difficult getting my smile back and I know things won't return to normal until you forgive me.
• Sorry, I never meant to hurt your feelings and I've regretted my actions. Please forgive me.
• I’m sorry I said those things about your chicken (for example),. They were uncalled for, and I should never have let my anger get the better of me. I hope that you’ll forgive me.”

Here is another example of what grudges are like: They are like heavy bags of lead strapped to your shoulder. You cannot swim safely without drowning, you cannot climb a steep mountain without slipping or falling and getting hurt. The more the grudges live in you, the more they hurt your feelings and poison your mind. Let them go so you can have that peace of mind and sleep safely.

Are you feeling bossy or too proud to reconcile?. Now is the time to think about your past actions and say a common sorry. It won't take so much time and effort and even if it does, it is well worth it in the long run. Remember the more people realize their mistakes and make amendments, the better the world becomes for all of us so "let's make love not war"

Published on August 25, 2014