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The benefits of reconciliation

Updated on September 7, 2014

What is reconciliation?

According to the Oxford dictionary, Reconciliation is the restoration of friendly relations. It can also mean reunion, getting back together. So the big question is why reconcile?


We have been hurt and have hurt the one person who used to be very close to us and now our strong relationship has been shattered to pieces. So, what's next?. Should we reconcile with the person or just let the guilt burn in us until it's last piece of oxygen diminish over time?


Having a grudge with someone would only hurt us more and add fuel to the anger and fire already burning in us. It will only break us down emotionally. Like I once read a story comparing grudges to rotten potatoes, the more the rotten potato is left without being discarded, the more it starts to make us feel irritated. Likewise the more grudges left unattended to, the more anger or regret or even both start to burn in us.

Asking for forgiveness
Asking for forgiveness

The benefits of reconciliation

We may feel too proud to go back and make amendments for our past mistakes but this will only ruin our relationship with the person involved but if we go and ask for forgiveness, not minding the fact that we may be of higher status to them. Doing this will help rebuild the relationship and free your mind of regrets. Although reconciling doesn't change the past but it may be of great benefit in the future. Once this is done, guilt can be laid to rest (you finally tell Mr. Guilt to rest in perfect pieces). What have you got to lose if you regain your lost friends? I guess nothing should be the right answer

A person must first acknowledge his/her wrongdoings, confess and ask for forgiveness before the right to reconciliation can be granted. Saying sorry is one of the most important words that needs to be said and a show of remorse must also be made with the person promising not to do the type of deeds that lead to the break in relationship/friendship. Gifts are not really necessary but if you think it's a right thing to do, that's not a bad option too.

Ways of making amendments

Amendments can be made in many ways such as:

  • Offering gifts such as cards, flowers etc. depending on the type of relationship you share with the person
  • Handling in a letter/note of apology
  • saying sorry while face to face with sincerity and show of remorse.
  • over emails.


6 Useful apologetic words

  • Please forgive me, I'm so sorry I made you sad. I know I broke your heart and I pray my shameful actions do not cause us apart.
  • I know I've wronged you in the past but I've come to the realization of making amendments for my wrongdoings. Please forgive me.
  • The power of guilt has overtook me ever since we quarrelled. I'm sorry for my rash actions. Please forgive me.
  • I find it difficult getting my smile back and I know things won't return to normal until you forgive me.
  • Sorry, I never meant to hurt your feelings and I've regretted my actions. Please forgive me.
  • I’m sorry I said those things about your chicken (for example),. They were uncalled for, and I should never have let my anger get the better of me. I hope that you’ll forgive me.”

Are we still friends
Are we still friends | Source

Have you ever had the courage to reconcile with someone your relationship once fell apart with?

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Here is another example of what grudges are like: They are like heavy bags of lead strapped to your shoulder. You cannot swim safely without drowning, you cannot climb a steep mountain without slipping or falling and getting hurt. The more the grudges live in you, the more they hurt your feelings and poison your mind. Let them go so you can have that peace of mind and sleep safely.

Are you feeling bossy or too proud to reconcile?. Now is the time to think about your past actions and say a common sorry. It won't take so much time and effort and even if it does, it is well worth it in the long run. Remember the more people realize their mistakes and make amendments, the better the world becomes for all of us so "let's make love not war"



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Published on August 25, 2014

© 2014 Taiwo Kareem

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    • Jay C OBrien profile image

      Jay C OBrien 

      2 years ago from Houston, TX USA

      Very good article. We are to reconcile with family and our neighbors. Any sincere attempt to reconcile is sufficient to relieve our conscious. After that it is us to the other person.

      There can be no revenge on one who hurts us or our loved ones. We must learn to reconcile with everyone. Jesus said on the cross, "Father forgive them for they know not what they do."

    • taiwokareem profile imageAUTHOR

      Taiwo Kareem 

      4 years ago from Salford

      It's nice to have you read my hub again Manatita. thanks for your support

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      4 years ago from london

      You've touched on a very important subject. Peace, my Bro. You've done an excellent job here.

    • taiwokareem profile imageAUTHOR

      Taiwo Kareem 

      4 years ago from Salford

      thanks for visiting Swilliams, glad you liked and shared it. Stay blessed

    • profile image

      swilliams 

      4 years ago

      Very Beautiful! I like this part "Here is another example of what grudges are like: They are like heavy bags of lead strapped to your shoulder. You cannot swim safely without drowning, you cannot climb a steep mountain without slipping or falling and getting hurt. The more the grudges live in you, the more they hurt your feelings and poison your mind. Let them go so you can have that peace of mind and sleep safely." Good stuff! Very eloquent! Voted up and tweeted out!

    • taiwokareem profile imageAUTHOR

      Taiwo Kareem 

      4 years ago from Salford

      Thanks Mr Ubani for visiting again. It is only thru love, forgiveness and reconciliation that this world would only get better and not thru the cravings of money and power

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 

      4 years ago from Lagos

      "Make love not war" that's right. But sometimes, reconciling could prove so herculean a task cos many people find it very difficult after a hurt. I just watched the film 'the best man' and realized the importance of forgiveness and the need to live for the future. A wonderful hub

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