- Gender and Relationships
SUCCESSFUL women don't attract HUSBANDS..but why!
We have a society more equal than ever before, women overall have achieved equality in many ways, yet the educated, successful woman is finding it more than challenging to find a husband. Finding a husband or life partner has become almost as elusive as the Palos Verdes Blue. There are now more single women seeking a life partner in their 30's and 40's than at anytime in the last century.
For the SUCCESSFUL professional female over 35 the news is NOT so good, as the chance of bumping into a life-partner is about as likely as coming across a Canadian Moose in the Sahara desert..This is down to various factors, we live in a digital age where instant gratification has become the norm - casual sex is no longer taboo, and women are just as likely to engage in casual sex, well at least before they want to find a lasting relationship. We also have the the way MEN and WOMEN are genetically programmed. And I'm afraid with all the equality in the world that cannot erased because of the change in way women have sought equality. However, the relaxed approach to sex over the last 40 years has had a knock on effect for women. Add to this the career woman who has climbed the professional ladder to achieve career status and financial security, probably means she will have had to work in a fairly male dominated world, and whether consciously or sub-consciously she has likely picked up some male energies along the way. And this where she will hit some hurdles when entering into personal or romantic relationships. Often the very successful woman controls a date as though she was still in the boardroom. A woman who comes across as in control is great a the professional arena, but not when she wants to attract a husband. This has become a global epidemic for SUCCESSFUL independent women. Just ask any female CEO of a large multi-national company that is single at 35 or 40 why she still hasn't managed to find a relationship she would like. On the surface this is a huge achievement professionally, but for the woman who has spent a lifetime in a male orientated world she has gathered some rather masculine traits like an ornament on the mantelpiece gathers dust.
The outcome is that men too, are facing a more challenging position when ready to find a life partner. Women's roles, approach and ability to be in control of their life has changed drastically. Men and women are no longer on the same path at the same time. The MOST NATURAL time to pair up is between 20 and 28 because our genome programming make human beings their most sexually attractive (physically at this time) and women are their most fertile. This has changed. WOMEN no longer see marriage and having a family as a goal anymore, well not until they have reached the career status they set out to achieve. But, the fact is mother nature has not changed, and as women mature and lose their initial physical power, regardless of how fit, slim, attractive or sexy at 40 they are, men at 40, 45 and 50 if they want marriage, will not openly and selectively choose a woman of their own age, especially if the seek a family. So we have two problems here, one; women who may have lost some of their softness in exchange for a successful professional role, and two; as biologically as able as they are to have children at 40 or 45, men will choose to meet a younger woman by say 10 years IF he wants children. And the fact is, he is able to do that, the more successful and attractive he is, financially stable and ready to commit, instead of his appeal to the opposite sex waning, it actually grows, as many 30-35 year old women are in a steady queue to date him as a potential husband, but is not true the other way around. Women of 40-45 are starting to see how their pool of suitors has changed considerably over the last decade, where a man's pool expands.
The ALPHA MALE, tall, successful and ready for commitment!
Men start to be more serious about relationships around 40-45
Most successful males around 25-35 are still focused on climbing that professional ladder to reach the top of their profession, where dating is likely to be of the casual kind, as they just do not have the time or inclination to have personal demands matching their professional ones. Not all, but a greater proportion today are not in the mindset to commit, but that in part is because women have made it easier for men to look upon a woman he can hook up with for casual sex until he decides to move on to the next. Women have sex far more readily without being in a committed relationship, women have begun to view sex as something they do like brushing their teeth, it's not something that is kept as an expression of love between two people.
There is NO judgement or problem with women having casual sex as men have since we can remember, yet it has to pointed out, that every action causes a reaction, and when it comes to dating someone long term, men are already in the mindset that sex is easy to come by, one or two dates, hook up on Tinder, when once that was not the case without being a long term relationship. So not only are women not looking for commitment until their mid 30's but men probably still later than that, when they have more choice.
What I hear most from both sexes; "Most of my friends from university are married and have children, and the only single people they meet are either at work or those still on the casual dating circuit" Add to that; the fact that once our 20s are past, many things change from our physical and emotional aptitude, to the amount of singles still available in our social group class. Alpha Females and Alpha Males may share similar professional aspirations and lifestyle, but they certainly don't share the same priorities for a life time mate.
Do YOU think marriage is still important?
Women are more career focused and often exude male energies!
Demands of career and attitude towards marriage
The OPTIMUM time for pairing is in our twenties, when both men and women are at a physical and biological peak, then they are fairly equal, where they are unlikely to have had a long term relationship, or be widowed that may take it's toll on their emotional wellbeing. Fifty years ago both men and women saw marriage and having a family as a desirable goal by 25, and although in every other way the changes that have come about in this last half century, has no doubt improved much for women, as they no longer need to depend on a man for having a roof over their head, or anything else for that matter, but as with everything in life, there is always a price to pay. In a personal and romantic sense it is quite a drawback as women tend not to see marriage or having a family as important until they are past the point in which mother nature and evolution deemed it was the right time to be married.
The most attractive, accomplished, men and women who seem to have it all, are still finding it challenging to meet Mr or Ms Right...
When MEN starting looking for a wife, he's seeking a woman who may be a little less career focused, clinical than she comes across..regardless of whether she wears make-up or heels, that is NOT what makes a woman exude natural feminine qualities, it goes beyond that!
FOCUSING is VITAL if you're over 35 and you really want a serious relationship. Let alone a mature divorcee, you can no longer sit back and hope to bump into someone who's exactly on the same path, that is an extremely tall order.
Traditional VALUES and methods when seeking a partner
Men and women no longer live the same life as they did 50 years ago, or even 25 years ago. Parents no longer introduce their son or daughter to friends sons and daughters in their teens or early 20's. And on top of this, we have a society where changing partners, sexual brief encounters and divorce have become more accepted. Which is NOW only beginning to surface and effect how men look upon commitment. Work is far more demanding and lives are transient. And men and women no longer settle or marry for financial stability, companionship OR for the sole purpose of being married as once happened and was expected.
The substantial rise of successful women has also changed the psychological and romantic outlook for women. Where their feminine qualities have been swapped for cooler practical heads, a driven and sometimes clinical outer to enable them to compete and succeed in a mans world. Which has made some come across as men in a skirt, and men find that unattractive, NOT intimidating.
Men are NOT intimidated by successful women, it's a myth perpetuated by WOMEN who think their success and intelligence is the reason they are not in a relationship. But it's actually down to evolutionary programming!
Continue thinking like that, and continue on the same path. Men and women are programmed to be attracted and desire certain elements in the opposite sex, and all the equality in the world won't change that. Women who do not understand this, or do not accept these evolutionary facts, how and what triggers men's reaction to women, what they look for even if subconsciously, where they feel they can naturally look after, nurture, provide for. Where a woman naturally demonstrates softness, warmth, sensitivity, empathy, compassion, as men are programmed to be the hunter, gatherer, nurturer, pursue woman..and IF a woman comes across with masculine energies regardless of how gorgeous looking she is - HE may look, he may even be physically drawn, but she won't affect or trigger his natural responses to pursue her further to become a wife and mother to his children.
I once heard a woman say " I can eat men for breakfast, and still have room for lunch, to " Men are intimidated by me as I'm as driven as they are".
Not sure how a woman thinks she is seen talking like this - even by another woman, but one thing is certain, men are not intimidated, they're just not attracted to women who speak or come across like that - which does not mean a woman being subservient, but an appreciation of how men and women who are truly the masculine and feminine opposites of each other naturally fit together like a hand in a glove.
All men desire and admire intelligent women, in fact it is a vital element for initial attraction for the confident, successful Alpha male, but what he doesn't find attractive is a woman who acts like she believes he's intimidated, where she runs a date like she runs a board meeting, or where she believes to demonstrate natural stereotypical feminine traits, softness, warmth, gentleness, sensitivity, sensuality and a caring nature somehow diminishes her achievements in the professional arena, or panders to a mans view of what a woman should be.
But the problem women are facing today, in their desire and goal to close the gap between men and women, they have become more like men, where they compete for the same careers, whether it be in the physical or academic sense, therefore the softness women once had, the openness towards being, soft, sensitive, feminine, nurturing and caring, somehow is seen as insult now. They are NOT deemed HIGH qualities to possess, when in fact they are. I interviewed a lady QC a few years back, divorced in her early 40's with two children, two girls actually. On the surface she looked very business like, yet when the conversation relaxed, she told me her one wish for her girls above all else was to be kind and nurturing. She went on to say, they will be educated to the best of their abilities, they will be given every opportunity to choose whatever career path they want, but she believed to be kind and generous of heart and spirit was far more important than any success. She said she had witnessed many women in very high positions lack those qualities and in the end they end up married to their careers.
YOU need to swim in the right pond to KISS the right FROG
LOVE and MARRIAGE has not always gone together
The 21st century problem is that historically our ancestors got together for financial survival, not love as we have been led to believe, marriage for love entered history at a relatively late point, however the higher up the social scale, marriage for securing land, wealth and power, not love, was commonplace. Today's singletons are looking for emotional chemistry, the whole package, which is both the key and the issue. If you were to speak of practical considerations which are no longer enough to entice people to pair up or marry. You need to be selective in choosing the right people to date and kiss.
I do NOT buy into you must kiss a lot of frogs before finding the right partner - YES, you will have to kiss a lot of frogs if you constantly swim in the wrong ponds. Some people NEED to feel instant chemistry others are happy to let feelings grow, but whatever your approach, I do believe there has to be a PHYSICAL attraction or some magical spark before two people can think of exploring two or three dates together AFTER an initial introduction or meeting someone naturally.
Finding a husband or life-partner
The more mature you are, the more you will need to focus, in whatever way you decide is best, as people are not synchronizing emotionally or romantically at the same time anymore.
KEEP IN MIND: Women of 35-40 are looking at men 35-42 to marry and have a family with, but MEN at the same age are NOT generally looking for women in this age bracket when it comes to marriage. Simply because he knows a woman of 38 or so, does NOT have the same time on her side. If a man wants to build a relationship over 3-4 years which is perfectly normal before marriage, the 38 year old woman is going to be 42 by the time they marry, and yes we know it's still physically possible to be a mother at this age, many women are having children older, but the POINT IS, men are NOT considering women at this point as much as a woman of 30-35.
MEN of 45-50 who have never married because they too have been career focused like a woman is looking for a partner between 28-40, and 40, IF he's 48+. Which is why we have the problem of men and women not synchronized at the same time. This would NEVER have happened 50 years ago. So women must really think about what they want and what they need to do to achieve their lifestyle equal as a partner.
Yes of course, women can date younger men, I hear this all the time, and they can, but they won't walk you down the aisle and plan a family with you, take you home to meet their parents as a perspective wife. SO DON'T WASTE time on that, if you do, it's YOUR TIME you're wasting, not the man's. Whether we like it or not we are ALL programmed to be with partners within a similar age range thereabouts, as it produces a more uniform growing together, life's challenges at a similar point, past experiences, health, growing old at a similar speed to issues of death. On average men are about 4-7 years older than their wife
Seeking an exceptional partner you have to be aware of the factors of finding such rare people, and with both men and women between 35-50 seeking partners who are not necessarily in the same age group, there is a real imbalance. Only men of the same age, who may never have married are fishing in a pool of at least a decade younger. Love is the greatest asset we can ever hope to have, but it does not always come in a pre-packaged perfectly wrapped designer blueprint of what we have in our mind - and perhaps be a little more forgiving and allow for some flaws, imperfections, just like life, nothing is perfect but can still be magical!