- Gender and Relationships
SUCCESSFUL women don't attract HUSBANDS..but why!
We have a society more equal than ever before, women overall have achieved equality in many ways, yet the educated, successful woman is finding it more than challenging to find LOVE and a HUSBAND. Finding that soul-mate, husband, life partner has become almost as elusive as the Palos Verdes Blue (it's a butterfly). There are now more single women seeking a life partner in their 30's than in anytime in the last century.
For the SUCCESSFUL professional female over 35 the news is NOT so good,as the chance of bumping into a soul mate is about as likely as coming across a Canadian Moose in the Sahara desert..This is DUE to how MEN and WOMEN are genetically programmed to look for partners, and when it's most natural. Perhaps a bit scary if you're over 35, especially as 35 is young compared to the expected lifespan most of us can look forward to. But what you need to look at, is the age at which human beings are at their peak for biological pair bonding. Women over 35 regardless how slim and attractive are coming to the end of their natural biological clock. Combine this with a successful career, a woman who comes across as in control as Spock at the helm of the SS enterprise, then you have two conflicting areas of attraction for men. This has become a worldwide epidemic for SUCCESSFUL independent women, as they obtain the title of CEO of a large multi-national company. On the surface this is a huge achievement, but for the woman who has spent a lifetime in a male orientated world she has gathered some rather masculine energies along the way like the ornament on the mantelpiece gathers dust.
The outcome is that men too, are facing a more challenging position when ready to find a life partner. Women's roles, approach and ability to be in control of their life has changed drastically over the last fifty years. Men and women are no longer on the same path at the same time. The MOST NATURAL time to pair up is between 20 and 28 because our genome programming make human beings their most sexually attractive (physically at this time) and women are their most fertile. In the last fifty years this has changed. WOMEN no longer see marriage and having a family as a goal anymore, well not until they have almost reached the end of their natural biological capabilities. The FACT IS mother nature has not changed, womens biological clock and PHYSICAL PEAK as in the ease at which to become pregnant and how ATTRACTIVE they are to the opposite sex also has not changed - And NOR HAS MENS.
THE 1960s BROUGHT MORE SEXUAL FREEDOM FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN
Which on the surface for women it may be something to celebrate, as they no longer needed to be the only one of a couple to have to think about contraception. SADLY though, the pill has done far more to change the world and how men view commitment, than just the initial perk of preventing pregnancy. Men no longer court women the way they used to, they have no need to, women moved the goal posts, and men followed suit by moving theirs. As modern woman has exercised her right to be equal in all ways, meeting genuine eligible men, who SHE CONSIDERS HER PROFESSIONAL EQUAL, as the modern, high achieving woman will never even consider a man as a potential partner, unless HE TOO has reached a professional high status. On top of this he has to be emotionally mature, financially MORE secure than her, stable and ready for marriage has reduced considerably over the years, to the point, the 35 year old successful woman who's been focused on her career, enjoying her single life, travel, getting herself financially secure, is struggling to find men who look past the casual hook up, especially via internet dating sites. Considering that two out of every 5 males online is already in a relationship, and that's just the ones who have been willing to divulge that information for research purposes.
The ALPHA MALE, tall, successful and ready for commitment!
Men start to be more serious about relationships around 40-45
Most successful males or should I say males who are climbing the ladder to SUCCESS of 25-35 are still focused on climbing that professional ladder to reach the top of their profession, where dating is likely to be of the casual flings, hook ups, as they just do not have the time or inclination to have personal demands matching their professional ones. Not all, but a greater proportion today are not in the mindset to commit, but that is because women have made it easier for men to look upon a woman he can hook up with until he decides to move on to the next. Women have sex far more readily without being in a committed relationship, they too have begun to view sex as something they do like breathing, it's not something that is kept as an expression of love between two people.
YOU may as, well what is wrong with that, men have been like that since time began. That may be so, but MEN when it comes to love, finding a wife, are NOT looking for a woman who mimics or acts the same as a man. It is just NOT how we are programmed. Males also have a LITTLE more time to hang back, but I emphasize a little more, as even men, once reaching a certain age, also have similar difficulties that the younger woman is experiencing.
What I hear most from both sexes; "Most of my friends from university are married and have children, and the only single people they meet are either at work or those still on the casual dating circuit" Add to that; the fact that once our 20s are in the past, many things change from our physical and emotional aptitude, to the amount of singles still available in our social group class. Alpha Females and Alpha Males may share similar professional aspirations and lifestyle, but they certainly don't share the same priorities for a life time mate.
Do YOU think marriage is still important?
Women are more career focused and often exude male energies!
Demands of career and attitude towards marriage
The OPTIMUM time for pairing is in our twenties, when both men and women are at a physical and biological peak, then they are fairly equal, where they are unlikely to have had a long term relationship, or be widowed that may take it's toll on their emotional wellbeing. Fifty years ago both men and women saw marriage and having a family as a desirable goal by 25, and although in every other way the changes that have come about in this last half century, has no doubt improved much for women, as they no longer need to depend on a man for having a roof over their head, or anything else for that matter, but as with everything in life, there is always a price to pay. In a personal and romantic sense it is quite a drawback as women tend not to see marriage or having a family as important until they are past the point in which mother nature and evolution deemed it was the right time to be married.
The most attractive, accomplished, men and women who seem to have it all, are still finding it challenging to meet Mr or Ms Right...
When MEN starting looking for a wife, he's seeking a woman who may be a little less career focused, clinical than she comes across..regardless of whether she wears make or heels, that is NOT what makes a woman exude natural feminine qualities, it goes beyond that!
FOCUSING is VITAL if you're over 35 and you really want a serious relationship. Let alone a mature divorcee, widow or widower, you can no longer sit back and hope to bump into someone who's exactly on the same path, that is an extremely tall order.
Traditional VALUES and methods when seeking a partner
Lets take a look at the major changes: the traditional values, the traditional methods, the meeting and marrying someone in the same town, village, has vanished from society in general. Men and women no longer live the same life as they did 50 years ago, or even 25 years ago. Parents no longer introduce their son or daughter to friends sons and daughters in their teens or early 20's. And on top of this, we have a society where changing partners, sexual brief encounters and divorce have become more accepted. Which is NOW only beginning to surface and effect how men look upon commitment. Work is far more demanding and lives are transient. And men and women no longer settle or marry for financial stability, companionship OR for the sole purpose of being married as once happened and was expected.
The substantial rise of successful women has also changed the psychological and romantic outlook for women. Where their feminine qualities have been swapped for more masculine energies, cooler practical heads, a driven and sometimes clinical outer to enable them to compete and succeed in a mans world. Which has made some come across as men in a skirt, and men find that quite unattractive, NOT intimidating.
Men are NOT intimidated by successful women, it's a myth perpetuated by WOMEN who think their success and intelligence is the reason they are not in a relationship. But it's actually down to evolutionary programming!
Continue thinking like that, and continue on the same path. Men and women are programmed to be attracted and desire certain elements in the opposite sex, and all the equality in the world won't change that. Women who do not understand this, or do not accept these evolutionary facts, how and what triggers men's reaction to women, what they look for even if subconsciously, where they feel they can naturally look after, nurture, provide for. Where a woman naturally demonstrates softness, warmth, sensitivity, empathy, compassion, as men are programmed to be the hunter, gatherer, nurturer, pursue woman..and IF a woman comes across with masculine energies regardless of how gorgeous looking she is - HE may look, he may even be physically drawn, but she won't affect or trigger his natural responses to pursue her further to become a wife and mother to his children.
I've heard from women " I can eat men for breakfast, and still have room for lunch, to " Men are intimidated by me as I'm as driven as they are".
Not sure how a woman thinks she is seen talking like this - even by another woman, but one thing is certain, men are not intimidated, they're just not attracted to women that demonstrate a dislike for feminine softness, which does not mean being subservient, but an appreciation of how men and women who are truly the masculine and feminine opposites of each other naturally fit together like a hand in a glove.
All men desire and admire intelligent women, in fact it is a vital element for initial attraction for the confident, successful Alpha male, but what he doesn't find attractive is a woman who acts like she believes he's intimidated, where she runs a date like she runs a board meeting, or where she believes to demonstrate natural stereotypical feminine traits, softness, warmth, gentleness, sensitivity, sensuality and a caring nature somehow diminishes her achievements in the professional arena, or panders to a mans view of what a woman should be.
But the problem women are facing today, in their desire and goal to close the gap between men and women, they have become more like men, where they compete for the same careers, whether it be in the physical or academic sense, therefore the softness women once had, the openness towards being, soft, sensitive, feminine, nurturing and caring, somehow is seen as insult now. When in fact it hands women power, as men love intelligent, independent women providing in the personal and romantic arena the enjoy and embrace being a woman first and foremost. Men feel a woman's feminine qualities have been filed down so much, they often FEEL they are dating a man in a skirt.
YOU need to swim in the right pond to KISS the right FROG
LOVE and MARRIAGE has not always gone together
Men can have a very tough time, as women are demanding more and more from a potential partner. Which is FINE, providing it's understood the more you SEEK the MORE challenging it will be to find him. Finding a HUSBAND today has become more akin to creating a job CV..
The 21st century problem is that historically our ancestors got together for financial survival, not love as we have been led to believe, marriage for love entered history at a relatively late point, however the higher up the social scale, marriage for securing land, wealth and power, not love, was commonplace. Today's singletons are looking for emotional chemistry, the whole package, the fairy tale happy ever after LOVE, which is both the key and the issue. If you were to speak of practical considerations which are no longer enough to entice people to pair up or marry. People want to find a PERFECT mate, and EXPECT him or her to be rather more perfect than they’re likely to ever find.
YOU CAN'T CREATE A CV FOR FINDING A HUSBAND - People are not commodities, and you can't always design the perfect partner, a lot comes down to inner qualities, intangibles, how someone makes you feel. No one is perfect, and you can't rush the natural course, all relationships need to build firm foundations for balance and harmony if a relationship is to last beyond the honeymoon period.
However I do NOT buy into you must kiss a lot of frogs before finding the right partner - YES, you will have to kiss a lot of frogs if you constantly swim in the wrong ponds. Some people NEED to feel instant chemistry others are happy to let feelings grow, but whatever your approach, I do believe there has to be a PHYSICAL attraction or some magical spark before two people can think of exploring two or three dates together AFTER an initial introduction or meeting someone naturally.
FINDING a HUSBAND, LIFE PARTNER and SOUL MATE
The more mature you are, the more you will need to focus, in whatever way you decide is best, as people are not synchronizing emotionally or romantically at the same time anymore..I don't make the rules, I merely deliver them.
Women of 35-40 are LOOKING for men 35-42 to MARRY and have a family with, but MEN at the same age are NOT generally looking for women in this age bracket when it comes to marriage. Simply because he knows a woman of 38 or so, does NOT have time on her side. If a man wants to build a relationship over 3-4 years which is perfectly normal before marriage, the 38 year old woman is going to be 42 by the time they marry, and YES we know it's still physically possible to be a mother at this age, many women are having children older, but the POINT IS, men are NOT considering women at this point as much as a woman of 30-35.
MEN of 45-50 who have never married because they too have been career focused like a woman is LOOKING for women between 28-40, and 40, IF he's over 48. Which is why we have the problem of men and women not synchronized at the same time. This would NEVER have happened 50 years ago. So women must really think about what they want and what they need to do to achieve their lifestyle equal as a partner.
Yes of course, women can date younger men, I hear this all the time, and they can, but they won't walk you down the aisle and plan a family with you, take you home to meet their parents as a perspective wife. SO DON'T WASTE time on that, if you do, it's YOUR TIME you're wasting, not the mans. Whether we like it or not we are ALL programmed to be with partners within a similar age range thereabouts, as it produces a more uniform growing together, life's challenges at a similar point, past experiences, health, growing old at a similar speed to issues of death. On average men are about 4-7 years older than their wife
Seeking an exceptional partner you have to be aware of the factors of finding such rare people, and with both men and women between 35-50 seeking partners who are not necessarily in the same age group, there is a real imbalance. Only men of the same age, who may never have married are fishing in a pool of at least a decade younger. Love is the greatest asset we can ever hope to have, but it does not always come in a pre-packaged perfectly wrapped designer blueprint of what we have in our mind - and perhaps be a little more forgiving and allow for some flaws, imperfections, just like life, nothing is perfect but can still be magical!