- Gender and Relationships
The evolution of marriage how swinging saved my marriage!
Like any married couple, our sex life was good but pretty much non existant. This put a lot of strain on one of us (me) and her lack of sex drive, even seemed to affect her, since she knew it upset me. Our marriage was strong but the lack of any real sexual relationship was pushing me to the edge of cheating and her to constantly being annoyed by me.
I still remember the first time, my wife and I swapped with another couple. Just a drunken night, with friends, that just sort of happened. It was by far one of the funnest, scariest, erotic, crazy, experiences I'd ever had. The next day I felt kind of weird. It was fun but it kind of hurt at the same time. I didn't think I could ever do it again. I had EVERY type of emotion running through my head from WOW! to What have I done?!
But we talked. Talking, communicating....THAT is the key to any marriage, especially one in the Lifestyle. We decided it was an experience and nothing more, we went on with life, but we did both notice we started having sex more frequently. Our sex life improved drastically over time.
About a year went by, and by chance we had met another couple. This time, we didn't swap partners, we just let them women play while the guys stayed with their respective spouses. This experience led us to realize, we didn't want the other guy there! Again, lots of time went by with not much talk about it until we finally both weren't afraid to admit what we both really enjoyed was the company of another woman.
Since she has become okay with referring to herself as bi-sexual, things have started to get better. We have tried it numerous times, with different girls, and our sex life has gotten better! We don't abuse it, like a bad drug, keeping it only for certain times (every few months or so) just enough to keep the excitement alive.
I don't thnk it is the sex that has helped us. It is the openess of our realtionship. I have gotten a lot less possesive and a lot more trusting. She has came to realize its the situation that is the attraction, not the other person. It's her being there with me. I couldn't do it by myself.
The hardest part of this lifestyle, isn't the relationship. It's meeting new people! We tried craigslist but just got spammed. We tried clubs, but it is SO hard to meet single girls, interested in couples at the bar. We tried a few dating sites. We have since joined an online social network, http://www.openvows.com which is just for swingers and lifestyle enthusiasts and we have found it to be a great and safe place to meet real people.
I think anyone who says they couldn't do it, is cheating themselves. It has nothing to do with love. It's an experience. Something you and your partner can do together and have fun doing. You can see your partner in a way you have never seen them before. If you are the guy, don't think of it like OMG, that guy is touching my wife. Think of it like "look at how hot she is and how lucky you are. If you are the women, don't think of the other girl being prettier. This of how good in bed your husband is. You CAN and WILL find turn ons in it. Don't be afraid if someone seems more turned on than they are when they are with you. Encourage them to be more turned on. It's a VERY erotic environment.
Start easy. Talk about it. Role play. Go to strip clubs and watch each other get dances. Before long you will find your mind, thinking about it. Like I said, it has nothing to do with love. Everyone gets bored in the bedroom after years of the same thing. Use it as a tool. Learn new tricks. And ALWAYS, have sex with your partner afterwards. It's the best!