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The importance of empathy in marriage relationship!

Updated on March 20, 2014

What do you do when you see your boss unexpectedly somewhere other than your work place? You act as though you are delighted to see him as your mind immediately senses that as a boss he expects certain amount of bowing regard from you. So you know the trick of discerning what your boss expects from you.

But strangely you do not seem to have the capacity to understand what your spouse wants from you. ‘I do not know what he\she expects from me’ this is what you always say as you are all at seas trying to understand what your spouse has in his\her mind.

You conveniently escape from blame by choosing to say that you are ignorant about the expectations of your spouse.

  • Why can’t you understand the inner needs of your spouse?
  • Why can’t your spouse understand what you want from him\her?

The answer is very simple. There is no empathy in your relationship and without empathy you can never get into the mind of your spouse. The beauty and success of any marriage is when the husband understands the viewpoint of his wife and the wife understands the viewpoint of her husband.

How can you know what is happening inside the mind of your spouse?

There is a simple trick to it! It needs the crossing over to the side of your spouse. This is what empathy is all about! The crossing over! If only you cross over to the side of your spouse your relationship would have all the elements of a happy marriage. But strangely you do not have the patience to make use of this incredibly easy way of making your marriage work.

Empathy is like a microscope as it has the capacity of seeing deeply into the mind of your spouse and reflects to you what he\she expects from you.

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” –Ernest Hemingway

Have you ever thought from the angle of your spouse?

Have you ever reacted in a way that he\she feels completely understood by you?

When your spouse is angry you immediately gear yourself up to retaliate in vengeance without for a moment thinking what could be causing his\her anger. If you had empathy you would have looked beyond the anger and understood the reason behind his\her temper.

I would quote lack of empathy as one of the top reasons for failed marriages. When you always look from your side you fail to see the aspects and characteristics which your spouse resents about you. It is when you cross over to his\her side can you really see what is wrong in your behavior.

What do you do when your spouse is off color?

You inquire what is wrong and accept the answer of your spouse at the face value and go about your work. You are right in inquiring your spouse about his\her problems, but completely off the mark when you go about your work without making your spouse feel sheltered by you. Your attitude is completely lacking in empathy!

The right way would be to spend some consoling time with him\her and make him\her come out his\her off mood. Your empathetic nature immediately senses the craving inside your spouse for your spontaneous support and when you more than readily give it, it makes your relationship blossom with contentment.

Most of you just live through your married life aimlessly and without targeting on the inner emotions of your spouse. You know your happiness depends on how well you inter connect with the inner needs of your spouse, but strangely you coolly overlook it.

When you lack empathy, the emotions of your spouse become orphan-like as it is uncared and unattended. Like orphans who crave for some support and love from others, the emotional need of your spouse yearns for a few words of comfort and solace so that he\she finds the true love he\she seeks from you.

When you lack empathy you always feel you are in the right and your spouse is always in the wrong. This makes you clash with your spouse as if he\she was an enemy and your home becomes a battle ground with each trying to prove the other to be in the wrong. Why don’t you empathize with your spouse and make your home your true unwinding domain?

© 2014 mathira


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    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      You are right Vickiw when you say empathy can de escalate marital violence. Thanks.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      MsDora, married life is very simple but couples complicate it. They do not understand the joy of being caring and loving.Thank you for the visit.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      Eddy, thank you for the visit and the encouraging words.

    • mathira profile image

      mathira 3 years ago from chennai

      billy, it is sad that couples do not empathize and overlook this aspect as not that important. Thank you for stopping by.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      Great advice. The "simple trick" as you point out is very helpful. It takes time to understand each other. Thank you for sharing your wisdom bout these matters.

    • profile image

      Vickiw 3 years ago

      I think empathy is very important in all relationships that we have in life. No doubt it is helpful in all marriages, and is one way to de escalate violence in such a close relationship. But empathy does not help when relationships are damaged by alcohol or drug problems, and it shouldn't be used as an excuse for permitting violence.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      Your hubs Mathira are so full of wisdom and voted up plus shared.


    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      The importance of empathy not only in marriage but every walk of life. Some people seem incapable of it and I find that profoundly sad.