- Gender and Relationships
Fibromyalgia is my thing #9
Fibromyalgia is My Thing #9
The green eyed Monster
I imagine most of you have heard of the Green-eyed Monster. I also suspect most of you have experienced a taste of such monster. For those youngsters out there, the Green-eyed Monster is none other than jealousy!
I can say something few women can say. In the 46 years since I married the love of my life I have never experienced the pain, nor the agony of the Green Eyed Monster. I have been blessed. I am secure in his love for me; not so for many.
For folks with Fibromyalgia it is much harder to put things in perspective. We find that that monster arrives in all areas of our lives, not just our love interests. Perhaps it is the same with those without Fibromyalgia.
When someone succeeds at the very thing you are talented at and you are unable to succeed as they have, you might get jealous. If you do, why not adopt! Not a child, silly, but a different attitude.
When I was in corporate America, there were many times that my co-workers were able to achieve what I could not. Oh I had the intelligence, but not the energy. I had the drive - my vehicle was simply a gas hog.
I found that envy or jealousy only made me feel worse, so I adopted a different attitude. I decided to send a note, a card, an email or a short phone call to the person who had done what I wish I had.
I also learned to feel better about myself at these times of others making great strides and myself taking baby steps.
As anything that is really good for us, this was easier said than done; however, quite do-able.
First I started with little notes, sticky notes. Then I graduated to home made cards and time-spent emails and phone messages. I did not realize that these efforts would mean so much to those around me. In the beginning I was doing this strictly for selfish reasons.
Guess what? I discovered often, in my work space, little notes, gifts and appreciation for the things that I did for others, and had never counted as worthy of a thank you.
I learned that any time you go outside your self to acknowledge others, it comes back to you. I never, ever, said a word of praise to anyone that I did not mean. I never did it for flattery, but to boost others up, because I knew if I were in their situation I would want boosted up.
I discovered that the more I praised others for their accomplishments I found myself achieving in different areas - areas I did not even know I could. I became a public speaker. That was a real ego trip. I enjoyed it as much as being a waitress. I excelled.
Let me tell you a little story about my love.
I had started working in a truck stop, third shift. I had five children and needed to be home in the daytime to care for them. My baby was not yet two.
There was another waitress who was quite jealous of me from the day I was hired, as I had not only become a co-waitress, I was hired as cashier, which paid a lot more. She was sure that she was inline for that job. She wanted it badly. I was older and the owner preferred me over the younger ones. It was the third shift, after all. I was blessed and she was angry.
She did everything she could at work to upset me (sabotage my prep work, turn the butters upside down, over or under-cook my food if she was cooking, etc.) She was quite vindictive.
I have never been one to complain at work, no matter where I worked. I had no friends there. I was the new kid on the block. So there was no buffer and no one ratted her out to me. For a while I did not know who was doing these things.
One morning as I had been home an hour, gotten four children off to school and the other was asleep, I lay down in bed and the phone rang. I picked it up and no one was there. This went on for hours until my daughter was awake and wanting attention.
I tolerated this for weeks. Finally my husband said I needed to get my phone tapped. Not such an easy thing to do. I called the telephone company, explained and discovered the only way to do this was to file charges with the local prosecutor. I was reluctant to do this, until I found I was so tired, I was neglecting my family. That was five months into my job.
I made the dreaded trip to the prosecutor’s office, filed the complaint and waited. Two days later they called me and gave me the name of the person doing the calling. It was the angry waitress.
I had the choice to prosecute or ignore. They sent her a letter. I chose to drop it. I hate conflict. I decided to wait two weeks and see if the letter did any good.
The next phone call I got, the young lady said, “Your husband just left home.”
“I know.” I responded.
“Well, he’s going to the park to meet me.”
“Yes and I am going to take him away from you.” She said in triumph.
I laughed and said, “Look, if you can get him, Honey, you can have him.” And I hung up.
I meant what I said. I never doubted the loyalty of my husband, nor did I think ever that he had eyes for another..
The phone calls stopped and the girl saw me in a different light. She let go of her jealousy. No, we never became friends, but we did stop being enemies.
As a side note, the night that I watched a jealous husband chase another man into the truck stop and beat him with a baseball bat, I quit. I’m sure the jealous waitress was happy.
I did love the work. Of all the jobs I had, I loved being a waitress the most. It paid less, but I had the opportunity to literally turn frowns upside down. I made friends. I was nicknamed “Thunder- foot” and “Sunshine.” That did my ego good. Even after all these years (32) I still smile when I reminisce my days of being a waitress.
My objective is to let you all know that if you have a problem with jealousy, there are alternatives to counteract that.
Don’t let the Green-eyed Monster invade your brain - ever.
There is counseling, (which works with the depressed and suffering Fibromite); seminars, ministers, others you might not even think of to call upon - resources all around you.
You can even find help here
on hub pages by reading work from others. For instance, I recommend Ripplemaker or Healing Touch. There are many others. Go hub-hopping!
There are too many for me to mention them all. But there is help to be had.
That ugly feeling of jealousy can be buried and put in the past.
Jealousy is a disease, and should be treated as such. Once healed the possibilities are endless.
If there is enough interest, I will write more about it in another hub.