- Gender and Relationships»
Find Your Soulmate
Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you? ~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella
How shallow is it that I watch celebrities? Oh, but who cares! I love arts, and the artist, in all forms. Really! I am cheap when it comes to admiring anybody's craft. Being my own artist, i feel compassion, and some kind of connection with people who live and breathe in the creative realm. I see beyond the glitz, glamour and scandals. I see mere humans, making their living as artists, flawed as we are. I do give it to celebrity couples, who try genuinely to protect their homes and make a go at their marriages, given the superficiality of their environment. I take my hat off those who have done well, and i make mention of two Hollywood greats here for my conclusion. Meantime, why not hear it from a few, through their own words, how they keep the fire of love burning. One of my favorite actors, artist, Pierce Brosnan, married to Keely Shaye Smith is everything romantic. In an interview he sweetly reveals, "I love romance: I bring Keely breakfast in bed on a tray with a single flower from our garden. I did that when we first started dating, and I still do it." There's Bill Cosby, married to Camille Cosby, and here's what he has to say, "The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods." Kelly Preston, married to John Travolta states "You have to keep creating a marriage. We talk about everything. We grow and change together, because nothing ever stays the same; you've got to continue evolving". Of course we know the crisis the Travoltas have gone through, and we can only wish them the best.
Catherine Zeta-Jones, wife to Michael Douglas, said: "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom!". Funny, but we all know, not everyone has that luxury. Where most of us live, we content ourselves with less, while we know of others who have done more by being extremely creative (shhh). Have things really changed much about sharing showers?
My question is, if we are all created equal, how is it that some couples seem 'luckier', or more blessed than others? What is the 'secret' behind a blissful, meaningful togetherness? With divorces so high, and so many marriages at risk, i think we need to take another look at what makes for a good and strong marriage, and what it means to be soulmates. Just what is a soulmate? Will finding a soulmate be the key to finding success for a real meaningful, long lasting and exciting relationship?
The pursuit may take some time, but, it's best to be sure that you don't ever find yourself settling for less when it comes to finding a life partner. Falling in love is one thing, attraction is another, but to be in a relationship that is, let's see, mediocre, a blah? That is total agony. Why would anyone want that? Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not telling anyone to just up and leave a husband or a wife. No no no! I am very pro marriage, and very anti divorce. What i am against is any form of haste, flimsiness, bad choices, and how our missteps can be so damaging. Marriages are not perfect, and I admire couples who stay together and exert every effort to make things work. It takes responsibility and a lot of commitment to achieve this. Much of the time, all it takes is recognizing where adjustments are needed, going the extra mile, and voila!
The word soulmate is a term used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship in which the participants know or trust one another very well or are confidants of one another, or a relationship in which there is physical and emotional intimacy. .
Experts say, the aspect of compatibility can be measured by couples' reactions to everyday situations. That it's the little things that are never said, when falling in love, the day-to-day routine of living together, minor issues that become the major ones. There's a "Marital Compatibility Test" that's been designed to assist couples predict their chances of living together in harmony. It is filled with hundreds of questions on topics such as sex, in-laws, having children, pets, cooking, food preferences, exercise and fitness, house-cleaning, travel, household economics, interior decorating, religion, and politics. This probing into the psyche of one's beloved is said to be quite enlightening or entertaining. For example:
- The final decision on major purchases should be made
(a) jointly, (b) by the person who makes the most money,
(c) by the person who has researched the product.
- Leftover food should be allowed to remain in the refrigerator
(a) 1-3 days, (b) one week, (c) until it becomes a science project,
(d) for the life of the appliance.
- The person who should clean the bath tub is
(a) the week's designated cleaner, (b) husband, (c) wife, (d) whoever thinks it's dirty.
- If a child misbehaves, the child should be
(a) spanked, (b) sent to his room, (c) deprived of dinner,
(d) restricted from activities, (e) reasoned with.
And who say's it's simple? Now, if you are already in a relationship, check this list and see how you and your partner fare out. It's a lot to digest, but it's worth it. Especially if you are willing to work on those areas where you feel you may be missing out.
- Do you build intimacy, sexually and emotionally
- Do you have passion for life and for one another.
- Are you forgiving of each other
- Are you committed to each other
- Do you like one another and are friends with each other.
- Do you have fun together
- Do you comfort, encourage, and affirm one another.
- Do you respect one another's need for privacy and space
- Do you parent together.
- Do you deal with a crisis and adversity together.
- Do you fight fair.
- Do you accept your differences and don't try to change your spouse.
- Are you honest with each other.
- Do you support one another's goals and achievements
- Do you have respect for each other.
- Do you take time to share dreams and goals on a regular basis with your spouse.
- Do you consider daily dialogue as a means of improving your communication.
- Do you laugh together, at least once a day.
- Do you show kindness towards each other
- Do you share your daily expectations.
- Do you make decisions about finances, disciplining the children, chores, vacations, etc., together.
- Do you take time to be alone together working on your intimacy, schedule dates or romantic getaways.
I believe with all my heart that there is a soulmate for those of us who seek that special bond and love, from and with a special someone. I found mine, lost it, and found it again. I feel truly blessed to be enjoying life with a person who loves me unconditionally, and who's love compels me to love without any reservation and fear.
Here are two soulmates, Hollywood giants, role model celebirty who best epitomize what true soulmates are all about..
Mr and Mrs Hope:They are one of entertainment history's most endearing, high profile couple. Bob Hope married singer Dolores Reade in 1934 and they adopted four children. It was not a perfect marriage, but it lasted until his death in July 2003. Many years ago on a television interview, both admitted that they had some rough times in their marriage journey. They revealed that what kept them together was not only their love and respect for each other, but their firm belief in the vows they made to one another. Unlike many celebrity marriages, there was no hint of scandal in the marriage. When Dolores was asked about her long-term marriage, she responded, "It’s all been pretty good. It’s all been pretty good." Wouldn't it be great if we all could say that after 69 years of marriage?"
Mr and Mrs Newman: An endearing marriage that came out of notorious Hollywood, that of Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman. Married in 1958, they remained together till his death in 2008. The Newmans lived away from the Hollywood environment, which may explain their wisdom, sound values and longevity as a couple. They made their home in Westport Connecticut. Paul Newman was well known for being devoted to his wife and family. When asked about infidelity, he famously quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home? Joanne herself said, "Sexiness wears thin after a while, and beauty fades. But to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat." One can only imagine the deep love they shared that glued them together.
In ending, here are 7 questions to ask and to consider carefully if the one you are with is your soul mate:
1. Do you miss him/her after being away or absent from each other in a few days, and do you get that feeling of "coming home" when you see each other?
2. Do you consider this person among your 3 best friends? in a successful marriage there is often no better friend than the spouse.
3.Are your basic set of values and beliefs the same, more or less? When it comes to marriage it is very important that you share similar views about the major questions of life. The more your political views, religious/spiritual beliefs, and values about how to live your life are in alignment with those of your mate, this is one fewer thing that could get in the way of a happy marriage down the road.
4. Do you operate on the 70% rule? Wise married couples realize over time - that about 70% of each other''s habits, behaviors are never going to change. In many ways, it is futile to try to change someone. The more you can accept the person for who they are now, the better the chances of a happy relationship
6. Is "compromise" at work in your relationship? Before marrying, establish a pattern of mutual compromise with each other on a regular basis. Make sure to get into the habit of allowing the other person to get their way quite often. If you can do this, you have accomplished what many married couples never quite do.
7. Is there mutual respect? In addition to physical attraction, mutual respect is an essential part of a good marriage. You may be attracted to each other physically, but at some level do not 100% respect the other person. Mutual respect is a critical part of the recipe of marriage.
At least 5 affirmation on the seven questions shows you are likely with your special soul mate and are compatible. Congratulation!