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Find Your Soulmate

Updated on April 16, 2011

Do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you? ~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II, Cinderella

How shallow is it that I watch celebrities? Oh, but who cares! I love arts, and the artist, in all forms. Really! I am cheap when it comes to admiring anybody's craft. Being my own artist, i feel compassion, and some kind of connection with people who live and breathe in the creative realm. I see beyond the glitz, glamour and scandals. I see mere humans, making their living as artists, flawed as we are. I do give it to celebrity couples, who try genuinely to protect their homes and make a go at their marriages, given the superficiality of their environment. I take my hat off those who have done well, and i make mention of two Hollywood greats here for my conclusion. Meantime, why not hear it from a few, through their own words, how they keep the fire of love burning. One of my favorite actors, artist, Pierce Brosnan, married to Keely Shaye Smith is everything romantic. In an interview he sweetly reveals, "I love romance: I bring Keely breakfast in bed on a tray with a single flower from our garden. I did that when we first started dating, and I still do it." There's Bill Cosby, married to Camille Cosby, and here's what he has to say, "The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods." Kelly Preston, married to John Travolta states "You have to keep creating a marriage. We talk about everything. We grow and change together, because nothing ever stays the same; you've got to continue evolving". Of course we know the crisis the Travoltas have gone through, and we can only wish them the best.

Catherine Zeta-Jones, wife to Michael Douglas, said: "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom!". Funny, but we all know, not everyone has that luxury. Where most of us live, we content ourselves with less, while we know of others who have done more by being extremely creative (shhh). Have things really changed much about sharing showers?

My question is, if we are all created equal, how is it that some couples seem 'luckier', or more blessed than others? What is the 'secret' behind a blissful, meaningful togetherness? With divorces so high, and so many marriages at risk, i think we need to take another look at what makes for a good and strong marriage, and what it means to be soulmates. Just what is a soulmate? Will finding a soulmate be the key to finding success for a real meaningful, long lasting and exciting relationship?

The pursuit may take some time, but, it's best to be sure that you don't ever find yourself settling for less when it comes to finding a life partner. Falling in love is one thing, attraction is another, but to be in a relationship that is, let's see, mediocre, a blah? That is total agony. Why would anyone want that? Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not telling anyone to just up and leave a husband or a wife. No no no! I am very pro marriage, and very anti divorce. What i am against is any form of haste, flimsiness, bad choices, and how our missteps can be so damaging. Marriages are not perfect, and I admire couples who stay together and exert every effort to make things work. It takes responsibility and a lot of commitment to achieve this. Much of the time, all it takes is recognizing where adjustments are needed, going the extra mile, and voila!

The word soulmate is a term used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. An intimate relationship is a particularly close interpersonal relationship in which the participants know or trust one another very well or are confidants of one another, or a relationship in which there is physical and emotional intimacy. .

Experts say, the aspect of compatibility can be measured by couples' reactions to everyday situations. That it's the little things that are never said, when falling in love, the day-to-day routine of living together, minor issues that become the major ones. There's a "Marital Compatibility Test" that's been designed to assist couples predict their chances of living together in harmony. It is filled with hundreds of questions on topics such as sex, in-laws, having children, pets, cooking, food preferences, exercise and fitness, house-cleaning, travel, household economics, interior decorating, religion, and politics. This probing into the psyche of one's beloved is said to be quite enlightening or entertaining. For example:

  • The final decision on major purchases should be made
    (a) jointly, (b) by the person who makes the most money,
    (c) by the person who has researched the product.
  • Leftover food should be allowed to remain in the refrigerator
    (a) 1-3 days, (b) one week, (c) until it becomes a science project,
    (d) for the life of the appliance.
  • The person who should clean the bath tub is
    (a) the week's designated cleaner, (b) husband, (c) wife, (d) whoever thinks it's dirty.
  • If a child misbehaves, the child should be
    (a) spanked, (b) sent to his room, (c) deprived of dinner,
    (d) restricted from activities, (e) reasoned with.

And who say's it's simple? Now, if you are already in a relationship, check this list and see how you and your partner fare out. It's a lot to digest, but it's worth it. Especially if you are willing to work on those areas where you feel you may be missing out.

  • Do you build intimacy, sexually and emotionally
  • Do you have passion for life and for one another.
  • Are you forgiving of each other
  • Are you committed to each other
  • Do you like one another and are friends with each other.
  • Do you have fun together
  • Do you comfort, encourage, and affirm one another.
  • Do you respect one another's need for privacy and space
  • Do you parent together.
  • Do you deal with a crisis and adversity together.
  • Do you fight fair.
  • Do you accept your differences and don't try to change your spouse.
  • Are you honest with each other.
  • Do you support one another's goals and achievements
  • Do you have respect for each other.
  • Do you take time to share dreams and goals on a regular basis with your spouse.
  • Do you consider daily dialogue as a means of improving your communication.
  • Do you laugh together, at least once a day.
  • Do you show kindness towards each other
  • Do you share your daily expectations.
  • Do you make decisions about finances, disciplining the children, chores, vacations, etc., together.
  • Do you take time to be alone together working on your intimacy, schedule dates or romantic getaways.

I believe with all my heart that there is a soulmate for those of us who seek that special bond and love, from and with a special someone. I found mine, lost it, and found it again. I feel truly blessed to be enjoying life with a person who loves me unconditionally, and who's love compels me to love without any reservation and fear.

Here are two soulmates, Hollywood giants, role model celebirty who best epitomize what true soulmates are all about..

Mr and Mrs Hope:They are one of entertainment history's most endearing, high profile couple. Bob Hope married singer Dolores Reade in 1934 and they adopted four children. It was not a perfect marriage, but it lasted until his death in July 2003. Many years ago on a television interview, both admitted that they had some rough times in their marriage journey. They revealed that what kept them together was not only their love and respect for each other, but their firm belief in the vows they made to one another. Unlike many celebrity marriages, there was no hint of scandal in the marriage. When Dolores was asked about her long-term marriage, she responded, "It’s all been pretty good. It’s all been pretty good." Wouldn't it be great if we all could say that after 69 years of marriage?"

Mr and Mrs Newman: An endearing marriage that came out of notorious Hollywood, that of Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman. Married in 1958, they remained together till his death in 2008. The Newmans lived away from the Hollywood environment, which may explain their wisdom, sound values and longevity as a couple. They made their home in Westport Connecticut. Paul Newman was well known for being devoted to his wife and family. When asked about infidelity, he famously quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home? Joanne herself said, "Sexiness wears thin after a while, and beauty fades. But to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat." One can only imagine the deep love they shared that glued them together.

In ending, here are 7 questions to ask and to consider carefully if the one you are with is your soul mate:

1. Do you miss him/her after being away or absent from each other in a few days, and do you get that feeling of "coming home" when you see each other?

2. Do you consider this person among your 3 best friends? in a successful marriage there is often no better friend than the spouse.

3.Are your basic set of values and beliefs the same, more or less? When it comes to marriage it is very important that you share similar views about the major questions of life. The more your political views, religious/spiritual beliefs, and values about how to live your life are in alignment with those of your mate, this is one fewer thing that could get in the way of a happy marriage down the road.

4. Do you operate on the 70% rule? Wise married couples realize over time - that about 70% of each other''s habits, behaviors are never going to change. In many ways, it is futile to try to change someone. The more you can accept the person for who they are now, the better the chances of a happy relationship

6. Is "compromise" at work in your relationship? Before marrying, establish a pattern of mutual compromise with each other on a regular basis. Make sure to get into the habit of allowing the other person to get their way quite often. If you can do this, you have accomplished what many married couples never quite do.

7. Is there mutual respect? In addition to physical attraction, mutual respect is an essential part of a good marriage. You may be attracted to each other physically, but at some level do not 100% respect the other person. Mutual respect is a critical part of the recipe of marriage.

At least 5 affirmation on the seven questions shows you are likely with your special soul mate and are compatible. Congratulation!


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    • profile image

      Adriana 2 years ago

      Debi McDowell - You have an amazing gift (in words and phhtgorapos). We are so grateful they found you. Besides the fact that you had 2 incredibly beautiful people to photograph (I have bragging rights), these 3 pictures are amazing!! We can't wait to see the finish project. This was a busy week, but we enjoyed every minute of it. Getting to spend time with Kaelins wonderful family and friends (and our son Justin too) was icing on the Wedding cake. Thank you again for being a friend and not just the Photograher . Remember to take along plenty of vitamins and sinus medication on your next shoot. God Bless You.

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Chimmychan: I will hope for you.

      Duchess OBlunt:True, for some reason we read more about marriage break-ups than we do strong and time tested ones. I enjoyed writing this one, and i'm glad you liked it. Thanks for visiting.

    • profile image

      Duchess OBlunt 8 years ago

      What a great hub IslandVoice. It has a message of hope for our young people, that yes, marriage CAN last. There seems to be so many more resources out there to help end one than there are to help mend one. You made some great points, and this is one for sharing.

    • chimmychan profile image

      chimmychan 8 years ago

      I hope to find my soul mate in time too.

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Cagsil: Thanks again!

      AdsenseStrategies: Thanks for the info on Michael Caine and his wife. It's heartwarming when hear of celebrities with good marriages.

      Poetlorraine: Thanks, and i'm glad you enjoyed the song.

    • profile image

      poetlorraine 8 years ago

      lovely hub and i enjoyed the song also

    • AdsenseStrategies profile image

      AdsenseStrategies 8 years ago from CONTACT ME at

      I think Michael Caine has been with the same woman his whole life too

    • Cagsil profile image

      Cagsil 8 years ago from USA or America

      A very nice presented and written Hub. It was very interesting and I enjoyed it. Thank you so much. :)

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks Mike for sharing your aunt and uncles endearing love, so rare indeed! I wish you love and finding the perfect soulmate.

    • Mike Lickteig profile image

      Mike Lickteig 8 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

      What a beautiful hub you have written. I am not sure if I've found my soul mate, but I think I have. The template for me was my aunt and uncle, both who died this year. They had been married over 70 years, and you rarely found a photo of one of them without the other. A most treasured and endearing memory for me was seeing this elderly couple, both over 90 years old, sitting together on a bench holding hands.

      Those two knew what it was all about, and hopefully I will know that same level of love, caring and devotion.

      Thanks again.

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      So right, Milynch! Thanks for the kind comment and visit.

    • milynch43 profile image

      milynch43 8 years ago from Philippines

      Excellent Hub for anyone considering marriage. This is something I think we all hope for and few find it these days.

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks for the ok Create a page! Marriages are in peril, so much more these days it seems. I failed initially, and prayed and worked hard to do better the next time. I wish the best to all couples out there!

    • create a page profile image

      create a page 8 years ago from Maryland, USA

      I love this hub. I appreciate the fact that you featured celebrity marriages since these marriages in the limelight are more vulnerable to succumb to pressure. Yet the ones you mentioned did not.

      This is a must read for couples considering marriage as well as newly weds. Actually, all couples should read, discus and follow the advice given here for a successful marriage. Thank you so much for this excellent hub.

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      I'm sure you will Lady! Sometimes they are right under our noses, like a best friend. Sometimes, he will walk in unexpectedly, out of nowhere. You never know. Thanks for the bookmark!

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 8 years ago from London, UK

      Beautiful Hub. I hope I find my Soulmate one day. Meanwhile, I'll Bookmark this Hub to read again when we meet, so we can stay soul mates forever.... :)

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      It's nice to know Godslittlechild, how this ittle hub somehow helped. Much thanks and appreciation!

    • Godslittlechild profile image

      Godslittlechild 8 years ago

      A very inspired writing! I enjoyed reading it and really got alot from it! Thank you!

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thank you Shalini! Congratulations to you too, for your 18 yrs old marriage, and going strong i'm sure. I know what you're saying about so many marriages going wrong. It's unfortunate. Thank God for those who try their best.

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 8 years ago from India

      Thank you IslandVoice for this wonderful hub. So many relevant questions, so many practical tips. I watch so many marriages around me crumbling and it's heart breaking - so often it revolves around one wanting the other to change, or else. Like you, I thank God every day for a wonderful man who I've been married to for over 18 years. I do believe that children learn what to make of their marriages from us. Happy Anniversary to your daughter!

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Moms are the best Sabilarab! My daughter and i are the best of friends, and we know each other so well. You are very fortunate to have mom. Thanks for visiting and your comment.

    • profile image

      TheSablirab 8 years ago

      I really enjoyed this, a lot! Thank you so much! I haven't found my soulmate yet, but I have found the perfect substitute: my mom! She is the best thing that has ever happened to me (hey, she gave birth to me, right?), so I am forever grateful to her for everything that she has given to me.

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks Lancelonie! Way to go, get the hubby for some fun! Appreciate your droppin' by!

    • lancelonie profile image

      lancelonie 8 years ago

      Wowww!!! This is so beautiful! I also had to drag hubby so he could see the photo.

      Beautiful post! :)

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      You amaze me always G! You've rubbed shoulders with some real neat celebs, and with the biggest names at that! That's funny about the cue cards with bold letters. I may need those soon! You must share about your soulmate, who sounds like a real cool guy! I agree with you about marriage being a decision and a commitment. Thanks for the visit and the congrats!

    • GPAGE profile image

      GPAGE 8 years ago from California

      Hey there! Great hub IV. Interesting questions and thoughts. I actually asked my hubby a few of the questions you presented here and we seemed spot on ; We actually had a giggle! I do believe marriage is also based on a "decision" and "commitment" to make the relationship priority. Bob Hope presented me with an award before he died many years ago and his wonderful wife was with him and he made some funny jokes about not being able to see her! His script cards were written with HUGE letters because he was losing his eyesite......Very cute ; Congrads to you and your daughter......

      Best, G

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Ethel, you're truly blessed!

      James, glad to know you like Diana too, and is a fan. I hope she comes to Hawaii. Would love to watch her one of these days. My avatars change, like seasons, like my mood...haha

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 8 years ago from Chicago

      This is a wonderful article, chock-full of sound advice. I enjoy that Diana Krall song, too. I am a fan and saw her at Radio City Music Hall a few years back. BTW, I love your new avatar pic. :)

    • ethel smith profile image

      Eileen Kersey 8 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Having been married to the same guy for 37 years I guess we are soul mates lol

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Applause! Applause to you bayareagreathing! I love real stories of love and romance! You must tell us yours!

    • bayareagreatthing profile image

      bayareagreatthing 8 years ago from Bay Area California

      what wonderful advice and uplifting stories! I have the gift of being married to my best friend. Celebrating 20 years of marriage!

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Myownworld, working on a relationship is truly 'work', be it a special friendship, or in between something more serious. Thanks again for visiting and for your kind comment. Always a pleasure to 'see' you.

    • myownworld profile image

      myownworld 8 years ago from uk

      what a wonderful hub again! I think anyone in a relationship (with or without marriage) can relate to this. Some real pearls of wisdom a very warm thank you for sharing...!

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Aloha Alta! If you stayed married for 8 yrs, you must have given it your best try. There are no guarantees, rather a lot of risks, if i may say. Thanks for coming by and sharing, Stay happily single!

    • Alta5656 profile image

      Alta5656 8 years ago from Davao City, Philippines

      Enlightening hub, IslandVoice. Respect for each other is one of the best advice. Long and lasting marriages are indeed admirable just like those you gave as an example. My marriage lasted only for eight years, and by choice I remained single. It's been 11years. No regrets ever. I'm not looking for another relationship because being single is also a bliss. I'm always looking forward for your hubs. Thank you and more power, Ma'am.

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thank you Dohn. You must tell me why marriage will not be for you, you being such a wonderful guy. My family will be happy to receive your kind greetings.

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 8 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      Thank you for sharing this, IslandVoice. I'm not sure if I'm ever getting married, but your sage advice won't be forgotten. I think you got it right by writing this hub. Congrats to you and your husband and congrats to your daughter as well!

    • IslandVoice profile image

      Sylvia Van Velzer 8 years ago from Hawaii

      Thanks Anna! 7 X 70 more of bliss and success for you and Owen!

    • profile image

      Anna 8 years ago

      Great hub as always! Thanks for the greeting Mom! I am blessed to have you as an inspiration in my own marriage. You're the best!


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