ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Pivitol 3RD Date - When To Go All The Way

Updated on March 25, 2013

Sex on the First Date? Too Fast?

V,

I've been asked out finally by this real hottie I know for 3 years. Is the three date rule still applied even though we've known each other for so long?

K

Dear K,

If you sleep with a guy on the first date, will he ever call you again? If you sleep with a girl on the first date, will she get the wrong idea? When is it time to go all the way? The Pivotal Third Date Rule is a pretty good one. The fact that you've known each other for quite a while definitely changes things. There are a lot of factors. A lot of things to consider.

K, I gotta tell you, I liked that I have no idea from your email if you are male or female, if you're talking about a same sex relationship, or what. (I am however going to assume that you and this hottie are both of age adults.)

To answer this question, first you have to ask yourself what you want out of the date. Then you have to figure out what the other person wants.

People date for different reasons. Most people date as a means to find that one special person. However, to assume everyone dates as a means to end, to find one person to spend the rest of their lives with in a monogamous committed forever and ever relationship, would be wrong. Some times some people accept a date just because they want to go out, hang out, network, socialize, flirt, have fun, or just to see what happens. Some times people go out for purely physical reasons with no expectations passed sunrise.

Once you've figured out that you and the hottie are on the same page, this gets easier. Let's assume you and the hottie are dating to see if there's some magic there that can take you through the rest of your romantic lives.

The big underlying dilemma then, is what will this person think of you if you put out too soon.

One way to start dissecting that one is to ask yourself what will you think of the hottie if they put out too soon.

In any dating situation my advice is commonly based on honesty. This one is no different. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go all the way on the first date. Or acting on that impulse. And, there is nothing wrong with waiting. What would be wrong, is pretending to be something you're not. And there is something VERY wrong with being a hypocrite.

If you and a partner go to a restaurant, agree to order a bottle of wine, and both of you drink it, would it be fair to turn around screaming "you alcoholic!" at this person later? Of course it wouldn't be fair. It would be insane. Hey, it's the same with sex. A guy that wants to have sex on the first date that later says the chick that agreed with that impulse was too slutty, is an asshole. It takes two to tango, but it only takes one to be a judgmental jerk. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I think this occurs more in the hetero world of dating. The principle is important: you can't condemn another for something you do as well. And you don't want to be with someone that would be that kind of a contradictory hypocritical prick.

If both of you have impulses, and feelings, and mmmm ... I don't think there is a number of days known or dates attended that meets the required minimum. I don't think it matters. First date, "pivotal third date", whatever you two mutually agree feels right, is right.

And what happens if one of you is ready and the other isn't? Talk about it. If something is worthwhile, it's probably worth waiting for... within reason.

The odds are good the person that is a good match for you will feel similarly about this as you do. At the very least they will be understanding of your feelings on the matter and willing to listen and understand where you're coming from, whether you are more comfortable with your sexuality then they are, or whether you are slower moving then they are.

THAT'S what you want in a partner: someone who listens to you and respects you. Not just someone who can count to three.

USE CONDOMS.

RESPECT EVERYONE.

If you like this HUB please click the “Thumbs-Up” below just before the comments.

Thanks!

All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • profile image

    Mel 

    10 years ago

    You're right.

    Good hub. I'm the type that does too much fear-reacting. And You're right, that doesn't land me with the kind of person I want to be with.

  • profile image

    &&& 

    11 years ago

    I think you are a strong writer. You can be very convincing.

  • profile image

    Paul 

    11 years ago

    My wife and I are married 24 years. We have 3 beautiful children and our first grandchild on the way. My wife and I had intimate relations on our third date. Like you said, we were ready. She was the one and I knew it.

  • profile image

    Helen 

    11 years ago

    I think I am one of those that wants to wait. I think you are right about the person you want to be with probably would feel the way you do about waiting or not. I am guilty of being judemental of people that don't share my views. I am sorry about that. you are a strong woman and I am glad I found you to read.

  • profile image

    billy 

    11 years ago

    my brother is married to his wife for 8 years now and they did it on the first date. I think your right veronica. They are happy.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)