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The Pivitol 3RD Date - When To Go All The Way

Updated on March 25, 2013

Sex on the First Date? Too Fast?


I've been asked out finally by this real hottie I know for 3 years. Is the three date rule still applied even though we've known each other for so long?


Dear K,

If you sleep with a guy on the first date, will he ever call you again? If you sleep with a girl on the first date, will she get the wrong idea? When is it time to go all the way? The Pivotal Third Date Rule is a pretty good one. The fact that you've known each other for quite a while definitely changes things. There are a lot of factors. A lot of things to consider.

K, I gotta tell you, I liked that I have no idea from your email if you are male or female, if you're talking about a same sex relationship, or what. (I am however going to assume that you and this hottie are both of age adults.)

To answer this question, first you have to ask yourself what you want out of the date. Then you have to figure out what the other person wants.

People date for different reasons. Most people date as a means to find that one special person. However, to assume everyone dates as a means to end, to find one person to spend the rest of their lives with in a monogamous committed forever and ever relationship, would be wrong. Some times some people accept a date just because they want to go out, hang out, network, socialize, flirt, have fun, or just to see what happens. Some times people go out for purely physical reasons with no expectations passed sunrise.

Once you've figured out that you and the hottie are on the same page, this gets easier. Let's assume you and the hottie are dating to see if there's some magic there that can take you through the rest of your romantic lives.

The big underlying dilemma then, is what will this person think of you if you put out too soon.

One way to start dissecting that one is to ask yourself what will you think of the hottie if they put out too soon.

In any dating situation my advice is commonly based on honesty. This one is no different. There's nothing wrong with wanting to go all the way on the first date. Or acting on that impulse. And, there is nothing wrong with waiting. What would be wrong, is pretending to be something you're not. And there is something VERY wrong with being a hypocrite.

If you and a partner go to a restaurant, agree to order a bottle of wine, and both of you drink it, would it be fair to turn around screaming "you alcoholic!" at this person later? Of course it wouldn't be fair. It would be insane. Hey, it's the same with sex. A guy that wants to have sex on the first date that later says the chick that agreed with that impulse was too slutty, is an asshole. It takes two to tango, but it only takes one to be a judgmental jerk. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. I think this occurs more in the hetero world of dating. The principle is important: you can't condemn another for something you do as well. And you don't want to be with someone that would be that kind of a contradictory hypocritical prick.

If both of you have impulses, and feelings, and mmmm ... I don't think there is a number of days known or dates attended that meets the required minimum. I don't think it matters. First date, "pivotal third date", whatever you two mutually agree feels right, is right.

And what happens if one of you is ready and the other isn't? Talk about it. If something is worthwhile, it's probably worth waiting for... within reason.

The odds are good the person that is a good match for you will feel similarly about this as you do. At the very least they will be understanding of your feelings on the matter and willing to listen and understand where you're coming from, whether you are more comfortable with your sexuality then they are, or whether you are slower moving then they are.

THAT'S what you want in a partner: someone who listens to you and respects you. Not just someone who can count to three.



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All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.


Submit a Comment

  • profile image

    Mel 10 years ago

    You're right.

    Good hub. I'm the type that does too much fear-reacting. And You're right, that doesn't land me with the kind of person I want to be with.

  • profile image

    &&& 10 years ago

    I think you are a strong writer. You can be very convincing.

  • profile image

    Paul 10 years ago

    My wife and I are married 24 years. We have 3 beautiful children and our first grandchild on the way. My wife and I had intimate relations on our third date. Like you said, we were ready. She was the one and I knew it.

  • profile image

    Helen 10 years ago

    I think I am one of those that wants to wait. I think you are right about the person you want to be with probably would feel the way you do about waiting or not. I am guilty of being judemental of people that don't share my views. I am sorry about that. you are a strong woman and I am glad I found you to read.

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    billy 10 years ago

    my brother is married to his wife for 8 years now and they did it on the first date. I think your right veronica. They are happy.