There Was He

I just sat there
In the kitchen
Boiling water
For what I know
Will be a terrible spaghetti dinner
I made it
So, of course it will be
Thoughts of my husband
Once again
My own thoughts scared me
Can he read my thoughts?
Are my thoughts wrong?
Should I keep thinking this?
Is it okay?
Footsteps
It’s him
I whirl around
He just stands there
“Hi, honey.” I called to him happily
“What are you doing in here?”
Oh no
I’ve got to think of something
I can’t think anything
It’s not allowed
“You’re being deceitful, aren’t you?”
“No. I-” I replied quickly
I tried fumbling through believable explanations
I haven’t used yet in my brain...
Nothing...
“You’re cheating on me with him
That man you’re obsessed with.”
“No, of course n-”
A strong hand closed around my neck
I could feel my throat being wrenched closed
With warm fingers
“You dumb harlot. He wouldn’t put up with your crap.”
He loosens his grip round my neck
He places sweaty palms on my shoulders
“I’ve never met him.”
“Good. You’d disgust him if he saw you.”
He’s right. I know this. I know I don’t like him anymore.
“I’m your husband. I know how to love you.”
Yes, of course.
“Baby girl. I love calling you that.”
Come on. Stop. Please stop. I know you love me
“You wouldn’t do this if you didn’t”
“That’s right.”
There’s meaning in his smile. Wish I could read it.
It’s how you care for me
Why can’t I get that guy out of my head?
“You’re thinking about him right now, aren’t you?”
“No, honey. No.”
“You are.”
A cold stare of evil on my love’s face
I’m trying not to
Oh, God, don’t tell him that
He’ll...
Did I tell him that?
I can’t remember
I closed my eyes tight
Hoping to shake his anger away
Stop.
I open my eyes again
What? You?
My friend is behind me
He is
He’s really there
I see him
Come on, sweetheart...You can do it
The man I thought I loved is before me now
I grab the pot behind me
Scalding water splashing everywhere
I lunge forward
Blood on my knuckles
Don’t stop
“You jerk! I hate you. All the crap you did to me.”
Yes
“You ungrateful man. Selfish husband. Disgusting father to our kids.
YOU!”
One last blow should do it
My knuckles are bruised
Dried blood threatens an infection
I am happy
Strong
Mindful
Aware
Where did my darling go?
The kitchen walls crumble to the ground
Before me
In a puff of smoke
I cough for a moment
Traffic
I’m at a four-way stop
I see him
I remember you
I smile
We’ve met before
I will tell you
Someday
We will meet again, my love
When we are meant to meet
He turns the corner
I do the same
He blows me a kiss and waves
Before disappearing
I take a deep breath
Keep going
I force a smile
I almost stumble on the gravel under my feet
A ledge to the left of me
Crumbles in a heap before me
I cough almost wheezing
And I keep going