There's a Lot of Work Being an Idiot or Fool

I was sitting attentively in an American Democracy class in my senior year in high school. I was so fearful of my teacher, Mr. Ruble Shotts, that I dared not move. The class was going along smoothly - -people answering questions right and left, Mr. Shotts' face was a picture of pride in his teaching abilities. Life was, at that time, good.

Then without as much as a friendly warning, a good friend who I shall call, "Frank," (as I want to respect the real guy who is still around in my hometown), let go one of the biggest and most-intrusive yawns known to modern man. His mouth, I swear, you could have parked a semi-trailer truck between his jaws. I thought to myself, "'Frank,' must have chased the girls too late last night," and I was partly-right. The class froze after his animal-like display of either boredom, lack of sleep or both. It was so quiet I heard every beat of my heart. Then my stomach started tying itself into knots due to the tension in the room. "Frank," just smacked his lips and looked forward at a very angry, red-in-the-face, trembling-with-rage, Mr. Shotts. I just knew this was "it" for "Frank."

Mr. Shotts, now settling down and in a calm manner

walked slowly to where "Frank" was sitting, mid-way on the row to my left. Still, no one dared to move. Mr. Shotts had a terrible, feared repoir as a teacher who took no nonsense or no prisoners. He was all business all of the time.

"Frank, am I boring you? Huh?" Shotts asked "Frank," who was just staring at the floor.

"Look at me when I talk to you," Shotts stormed out in a louder tone of voice. Now the class was showing signs of mass hysteria as the girls began gasping with fear and even the "jock's" in this class were getting edgy.

"Frank" slowly raised his head and made eye-contact with Mr. Shotts who was now at his limit for patience.

"Yes, sir?" "Frank" asked in a 'what-did-I-do' voice?

"Hey, is that yawn the best you can do to get attention, 'Frank'?" Shotts asked with the stern tone of a Marine D.I.

"Yup. Sure is. What else do you want?" "Frank" asked so innocently that he had the girls almost in tears. I swore I heard a soft, feminine, "awwww," from the back of the room.

"Why don't you get up and come to the front and tell us all what you did last night to make you so sleepy, 'Frank,' I think we would all enjoy that," Shotts said hoping to make a fool out of 'Frank' who was now in the process of getting out of his desk to walk to the front of the class.

Shotts, who's bluff hadn't been called that many times, said, "Frank, sit back down. Now. And let me ask you, have you ever in your life been called an idiot?"

"Yup. Many times. My mama calls me that all of the time at home," "Frank" said sending a wave of nervous laughter throughout the class.

Mr. Shotts had met his match. "Frank," was honest. And was proud of that name "idiot" for he didn't act ashamed, humiliated or cast down. Factually, he just stood tall and played out the part that was given him. In that fleeting moment of "Frank's" reply to Mr. Shotts, it dawned on me that I had been punishing myself for nothing for all of the foolish and idiotic things I had done over the years. I was the idiot. I was the fool. Not "Frank."

Getting to "the meat" of idiots and fools

There is absolutely nothing wrong, sinful, or fearful about an idiot or a fool. Both groups of people are only here in this life to live-out their purpose just like the salamander or lowly flea.

Where we of the civilized world make a huge social error is judging idiots and fools to be someone who can cause us harm and torment. Not so, friends. Fact is, idiots and fools only want what we want. A good job, a warm bed, companionship and membership in their favorite country club. Is that too hard for "us" to cope with?

Facts About Idiots and Fools

1. Not all idiots are fools. And not all fools are idiots. Remember that.
2. It takes more work to be an idiot or a fool than it does to be a regular "Joe."
3. Idiots and fools are deeply hurt when people like "us" call each other "idiot" or "you fool!" You never hear them calling each other, "Brain," or "Mr. Intelligence!"
4. You have to be on top of your game to recognize a true idiot or fool, for there are may counterfeits in our world. Here is a short-list of "counterfeit" idiots and fools:

• a student who 'acts' sick in order to stay home and play video games all day.
• an adult with a job who 'acts' sick in order to leave work early to go home and drink with his buddies.
• people who are clinically-sane, and cheat on tests in school or lie on job applications.
• people in school or the workplace who commit idiotic or foolish acts and when caught by the boss, try to blame a REAL idiot or fool. NOTE: idiots and fools are not to be used as "scape goats," or "whipping boys."
• a low-life who files suit against a fast-food place because he or she wasn't put at the front of the line just because of their "importance" in life.

How YOU Can Be an Idiot or Fool

in the office: you are working hard on an important project that your boss has promised the CEO and shareholders will be finished a week early. Sadly, for you, it isn't. Your partner up and quit leaving you to do all of his work and yours too. The boss catches wind of this and storms to your desk, "Hey, you! That's right, you, the FOOL with the stupid grin on his face! Why aren't you through with this important project?" YOU: "uhh, yuppity, yup, yup, uhh, is it hot in here, boss? On that project. Well, hey, let's have some coffee and talk about how our wives treat us like dogs. Whattya say?" Boss: "you are ONE REAL IDIOT! I am going to get you some help. NOW!" And by you acting like a fool or idiot, you saved your job and got the help you needed to finish that important project. NOTE: what other kind of grin does a fool have on his face but a stupid grin?

at church: the guy sitting behind you belches outloud embarrassing your preacher who asks you to see him in his study after services. Pastor: "Tom, my child, I know that my sermons are not Bruce Willis films by way of excitement, but I try to provide my flock with words to live by. So why the belch?" You: "Errr, Bro. Wilbert, that was not me, sir. I am my brother's keeper and it was that Mr. Hubert who is a secret Nazi, did you know that, sir?" "Belch? Is that the same as a burp?" Pastor: Get out of here. Sometimes, Tom, I think you are an idiot." And all is forgiven. And by you playing the part of an idiot, you didn't get chastised by your preacher and your preacher will not be watching you next Sunday, but that "secret Nazi," Mr. Wilbert.

on a date: "Betsy June Hayfield," the sexiest girl in your town, consents to go out with you. You are so alive and excited to be with such a hot and wordly girl. But when you drive through town and stop at a redlight, "Barbara Sue Wilson," your steady, is just driving home after working late and sees you with this "Betsy June," she yells, "Are you a fool or what? I thought "we" were going steady and there you are with that harlot and sneaking behind my back. What have you to say for yourself?" You: "Garsh, Barbara, I, uhhh, was just sitting around my apartment and started to cough . . .listen . . .(cough! Cough!), might be bronchitis. So I took a bottle of this antibiotic stuff and before I knowed it, I was in the grocery store and passed out . . .this girl, the manager's sister, volunteered to see me home safely," Barbara: "What a fool, but you are my fool. Thank you, Miss Betsy for taking care of my man." Aren't you glad that you knew exactly how to be a REAL FOOL?

at a sell-out championship football game: You struggle for weeks, pawn your jewelry and promise favors to some "shady" men for a ticket to the championship game between your college alma mater and their rival college. You find your seat and relax while sipping a cold beer and munching on a pretzel. Then a known-bully stops at your seat and says, "hey, panty waist. I am gonna take that seat, see? And if you don't give it up, I will beat your butt and make you look like a fool in front of everybody!" You: Uhhh, haw, haw, hey, Bobby, nice to see you. How is heaven and how did you get there? Hey, look! An eagle landing on the field . . .stand up for "the wave," uhhh, like some Butterfinger? It looks like a pretzel, hey how about some meatloaf I sneaked in under my coat? Oh, I need to tell you, haw, haw, garsh, the test results came back "positive" - - -I have an STD and can I get that scab off of your face?" So long, "stadium bully."

You see? All this time you thought that being an idiot or a fool was a disgrace. Go ahead. Face it. Sometimes being an idiot or a fool is better than being a genius.

Anyone care for some asphalt-flavored pop-overs in the morning?