First Impression Hoax

Each new day comes with an opportunity to self-repair, rediscover, or re-invent yourself, or to just repair the damage done the day before. First impressions are one of those things that people say cannot be changed, and in the sense that it was the first time meeting someone, sure that's true- you cannot un-meet someone and do it again. If you made a below-average first impression, you can all but erase that impression with a stronger-than-average follow up. In many cases, once your employer/GF/BF/ neighbor gets to know you, that awkward first meeting may become something you laugh about together and brings you closer.

It is important to take the time to consider oneself inside and out before leaving the house. Ask yourself if you are ready to meet others, and if you met someone right now would they remember you? What would they remember?

Consider the effect your appearance has on the world including both cleanliness and hygiene, but equally important your expressions and facial tension (i.e. Resting B** Face), since your body language and expression can open doors or close them in the blink of an eye.

Then ask yourself if you are ready to receive what the world will likely dish out- are you in a good mood? Maybe last time you met this person you weren't and that can be pretty obvious to others. You will find that people make themselves available to you when they feel like you have made an effort to know them genuinely or find some way to relate to them personally.

Everyone is conscious of the fact that their appearance makes a statement about who they are. Some men try to disguise themselves in clothing, cars, jewelry and power ties, while others want to make a statement of individuality or non-conformity with piercings, tattoos, unconventional clothing, make-up, etc. All of those choices are fine and acceptable in your personal circle, just don't expect your personal style to be welcomed in a professional scenario. Remember, like hearing our own voice on a recording, the image we think we are giving the world is not always the one they see.

The first rule is to dress according to the occasion's importance to you. If you finally landed a date with that beautiful woman from the 3^rd floor of your apartment building, show her that your meeting is important to you and don’t be afraid to wear a tie for her.

She’ll think, "Wow, he really was looking forward to this."

It’s not desperate or cheesy, its respect and chivalry and I bet you look great cleaned up!

The venue will also dictate what direction you should take when picking your outfit. You want to show respect for the dress code that either you or the oither party has selected by chosing that as a meeting place. If a romantic interest invites to you to a nice restaurant and you come dressed down, your date will seem overdressed compared to you but ultimately you will be the one that doesn't look right.

Unless you are having brunch with the Snoop at Flava Flav’s crib, don’t be flashy with your accessories and jewelry, rather keep it classy and subdued. Take a look at a couple things before you leave the house, a mental checklist. Your focal points will be the areas that are bound to come into contact with, or be highly visible to, others such as the colors and cleanliness of your clothing, your hair style, fingernails, shoes, your personal odor (whether body odor, cologne, aftershave or deodorant) and even the whites of your eyes. Don’t be too shy to buy some Visine, its not just for stoners- nothing looks worse than bloodshot, tired eyes.

The words that come out of your mouth will be the second greatest evidence for or against you. We have only seconds before an opinion is formed about us regarding everything from intelligence and cultural exposure to our educational level and leadership abilities, based on the words we chose. Broadening your vocabulary wouldn’t hurt. Buy a serious novel or ebook to read when you have some down time. Scrabble and jumble puzzles in the paper can help build your vocabulary.

Many people talk out of nervousness, to avoid silence and keep the conversation going, or because they like to hear themselves talk. Don’t be that guy. Nobody likes him very much and even if he seems liked.

Remember that it isn't the quantity of your words but the quality. Instead of speaking for the sake of it, di it when it is necessary. Express full, thought-out points without rambling around and bunny hopping. And please, men- when you do speak, ENUNCIATE! I can’t say it enough. People get so tired of trying to understand a mumbling person. When someone has to ask, “Huh?” and “What?” it makes them feel like its them when its you. With that being said, don't rehearse lines. Unless you are at least a B-Level actor they will come off sounding canned and fishy.

It is perfectly okay to allow a moment of silence into a conversation, especially if the preceding conversation was fairly deep or personal. It shows that you are reflecting on what was said and gives evidence that you are deeper than meets the eye.

Let’s say you are at dinner with a long awaited date and you run out of things to say to her. Let a moment of silence pass while you both breathe each other in. Have a sip of your beer, remember that you can’t know everything there is about this woman. What is one of a million things you don't know and could ask? Family? Friends? Activities outdoors/ indoors? Exercise? Eating? Hobbies? Books/ movies? They are all important to her, so they should be to you as well. Use silence to collect your thoughts and consider what you say next, but don't allow silence to dominate- that will make things awkward and a second date will not happen.

Try to get comfortable with silence in a professional setting as well. When the interviewer is looking over your resume our first instinct is to try to sum it up for him with how great you are in a nutshell, but that's the purpose of the resume in his hand. He wants to look at your stats and then he wants to see how those match up with the person in front of him. So let them read, then talk when you are invited. Use any moments of silence to get your thoughts in order, so when you talk you will say something worth hearing.

Lastly, Men, you must understand other people vanities, they’re not so different from your own. Bill Lampton, Ph. D. quotes an anonymous writer saying,

“The definition of a bore is someone that talks about himself so much that you don’t get to talk about yourself.”

Be a listener; make the other person feel like the sun at the center of the little universe of your exchange. Other people, like ourselves, like to talk about themselves. It isn't conceit though; it is similar to the kind of pride a salesman has when he knows he is selling the best product available on the market. A high self-worth and a positive state of mind is a great thing.

Let the other person see that when they are speaking, you are actively listening. The best way to show someone you are listening is to look them in the eye when they speak. Don't be creepy by just staring at them blankly, try to naturally incorporate the occasional nod, affirmation, or otherwise. Even short statements like, “Oh yeah?” and “I understand.”

The speaker will appreciate your attention since they believed whatever they said was worth saying. You are just validating someone else’s assumption and that always earns you some points.

Leading experts in psychology, literature and seminar hosting agree that we have a window of between seven and seventeen seconds before we can expect someone to have formed an opinion about us. So, maybe you screwed up the first time. Big deal.

Try this, think about a person you know and what comes to your mind’s eye first? For me, it is the last time I saw them. Those most recent images seem to burn themselves over any prior ones.

It may be that we have been endowed with this peculiar trait for a reason, perhaps to help facilitate our capacity for forgiveness, or to help us overcome fears instilled at earlier times in our lives. Regardless of the why, we know that it is present and we can use it to reinvent ourselves, and make a second impression, on a daily basis.

One day you'll be on your game when you run into that guy from work and he will not soon forget you. So get back on that horse and take another crack at it. Find some common ground and be genuine. You'll do fine because you have it in you to be great, we all do. Call forward your reserve courage and make this next push your greatest push. If all else fails then BS your way through it, after all you can't please everyone. Good luck, my friends!