Things I Should Have Said Before She Walked Away

C-L-I-C-K. That has to be one of, if not “the” saddest, death-like sounds known to mortal man.

This “click,” if possible, is heard in slow-motion and why is a mystery of quantum physics. Even the “master,” Albert Einstein would scratch out his hair and beard if asked to tell why “this,” sound, is only heard in slow-motion, accenting each horrible syllable, as it enters the ear of the receiving boy who has just entered junior high.

Not profanities. Not vulgar, heart-stopping threats from, “Razor,” the school bully who never changes his Hanes underwear out of spite and rebellion toward society.
You got it. C-L-I-C-K.

A few times in my blind, ignorant, and life without boundaries from the years 1967 through 1972, my high school years.

You’d think that if the theme and sum of these six years were an “experiment in excruciating pain,” I would have learned one thing, wouldn’t you?

Well, I didn’t. I went back time and time again. Never relenting. Always wanted more and more humiliation, self-degradation, and embarrassment and for what?

Who knows? Maybe I thought that somewhere in this “parade of perpetual pain,” that my patience and long-suffering would be rewarded.

Nope.

It only grew worse.

Until “that” one defining moment in my life came one cold Saturday morning in November when I was getting out of bed and preparing for yet another one of my mother’s masterpiece-breakfast feasts.

It hit me. “why am I hurting myself like this?” I thought.

"For no one and for nothing,” I answered myself as I pulled on my sweater and combed my hair.

Then I did something completely-out of candor or the great scheme of the universe. I began to chuckle. That soon turned into a soft laugh which I stifled before I sat down for breakfast with my parents for I knew for sure that there would be questions.

Parents are like that. No matter the situation, big or small, that hits their teen’s, here come the “third degree’s.”

Jack “Sergeant Friday” Webb couldn’t (and cannot) “hold any parents a light,” when it comes to interrogating their sons and daughters about matters of their lives.

You know that this is true.

Okay, without any more fanfare, the title of my hub is, “Things “I” Should Have Said Before She Walked Away,” and it’s one more tear-jerker, for those of you who are soft-tissue user’s.

You might also think that although most of my pieces deal with rational matters from a comical standpoint, so does this one do that? I don’t know the answer to that question.

I will leave the judgment up to you, my cherished-followers.

• My heart raced
• My throat went dry
• Sweat formed on my head
• My nerves started acting-up
• I couldn't talk
• I sat motionless for hours
• I wanted to run away from home
• Pain shot through my heart

Now it's out. The proverbial "cat is out of the bag." And all of this time society only thought that when a girl rejected a guy for something he mistakenly-said, was harmless. Just a phase of growing into real-life.

How foolish can one society really be? I wish all who thought like this would have been in my shoes on those cold Winter evenings when I would get home from school, do my chores, then summon the courage to pick-up our phone and just call one of the girls that I had talked to that very day at school. Then things might be different.

Looking back, with pain still living in my soul, it looked very innocent. Even a stylish and prim lady of the Victorian Era would have approved of how nonthreatening me talking to a girl in the hallway at our high school.

I mean, it's not terrorism. Certainly not an over-throw of our government. Just one guy with normal hormones talking to a female with equal normal hormones. That's the "American Way," I was taught to believe.

Oh, how wrong I was in believing that ideology. Let me be clear. For most of my few male friends, "this" theory of talking to a girl being the "American Way," but for me, it was like walk through a graveyard on a Winter's night. Alone.

But something would always go horribly-wrong from the time I had talked to some "Susie," at school to the time I called her (or any like her) on the phone in that same evening."

In younger years I thought it must be magic. Or a work of some demonic-force designed by Satan. Both wrong. To this day, May 18, 2013, I have yet to uncover why so many girls hung-up the phone on me and never spoke to me again--simply because of something I "didn't" say.

True. I was punished for my lack of oral expertise when it came to talking to girls on the phone. I wish that times were like they are now, sensitive, and more understanding, because then I might have had a happier teenage time on God's earth.

to those "Susie's," and her kind who were way too quick to jump to conclusions and dump me even before I had a chance to really get to know them.

"Barbara looked good in that dress yesterday"

is what I said.

"Man, you look smoking-hot in that dress. Much more hotter than that Barbara."

is what I should have said.

"No, I plan on living with mom after we graduate"

is what I said.

"You kiddin' me? I'm outta here right after graduation--and I'm takin' you with me"

is what I should have said.

"Oh, I like sex with most girls"

is what I said.

"No, I want to wait for the right girl to have sex"

is what I should have said.

"Big cities? Sure 'Olivia' has big "cities," but I'm not a "peeping Tom"

is what I said.

"Ahh, you said "cities," not the word for girls' breasts. Yes, I love big cities"

is what I should have said.

"Sorry for the coffin"

is what I said.

"I apologize for my coughing. I have a sinus cold"

is what I should have said.

"Pets? I hate pets!"

is what I said.

"Oh, you said "debts," and no, I do not like having debts"

is what I should have said.

• Drop dead
• Who do you think I am, a friendly girl?
• Go to Hades
• No one here by that name
• Oh, it was "you" to embarrassed me in the hall today?
• I wouldn't go across the street with you
• I'd rather date my pet Opossum
• You dress like a hobo
• Ever comb your hair?
• Date me? With what? You have no money, no car, or no personality

• Covered my face with my books when I walked the hallways
• Called in sick many times--using my mom's voice
• Asked my buddies to walk as my bodyguards
• Ran from class to class
• When I heard the chilling sound of girls giggling, I hit the boys room
• I tried to wear a fake face once, but our Economics teacher lectured me on the subject of "Deception"
• Tried to apologize to the angry girl, but only got a worse cursing
• Had my buddies to start a rumor that it wasn't me who called "Barbara"

• No self-confidence
• No self-esteem
• Lack of social interaction
• I live with a Persecution Complex
• I live with a Loser Mindset
• Nerves are shot
• I am never that happy at any given time
• I hate going out in public
• I despise even seeing "those" girls today who hung-up on me in my teen years

I won't be long. There you have it, one of the most-brutal personal confessions I've ever made to the public website of HubPages, their staff and its members.

Am I sorry.

Nope.

Oh, about this story? Nope.

About those many rejections?

What do you think?