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6 Things I Have Learned From 4 Years Of Marriage

Updated on September 2, 2016

Be Honest Or Perish

Honesty should be the foundation of all long lasting happy marriage. I say happy marriage because I have also seen married couples who have been married for decades and behave like they are waiting for the other to die. To have a long married life all you have to do is to tolerate your spouse long enough. To have a HAPPY married life is art, and it won't take very long for you to find that out (took me a measly 4 years!)

If you want to be happy you need to get all the things that make you unhappy out of the way as soon as you can, it is as simple as that. any doubts or misunderstandings have to be dealt and discussed with as soon as possible DO NOT broom it under the rug and wait for it to pile up.

For all husbands: There are times when you see your wife is unusually quiet, and if you are not so smart you might think it's a great and peaceful day, it is not. If you are a little bit smart, you will ask "honey, what is the matter?" and she will always say "nothing." when she does that, the right thing to do is to keep poking until she lets it out. Always be ready to face the storm.

Always be ready to deal with your problems even when he/she says "I don't want to talk about it." Never have an attitude saying "oh he/she will get over it." Having that attitude will make him/her get over you.

All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest - never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.

— Ann Landers
Honesty Breeds Unity
Honesty Breeds Unity | Source

Apologize or Be Sorry

Whenever you make a mistake never hesitate to apologize. Whenever you find that you have too much of an ego to say sorry, ask yourself this question: How badly do you want your marriage to work? if you want to win in an argument more badly than have your marriage work, then you better sort your priorities first.

Never fail to remind each other that they should apologize for their mistakes, either. Show them what they did wrong. People are not mind readers, sometimes they don't realize that they are doing something you don't like, tell them and deal with it. Always have an open discussion.

To all the wives: I see a lot of times when the wife just keeps quiet and wait for the husband to guess what is bugging her so much. If you keep quiet you are going to get silence from your husband. Stop thinking that husbands are stupid for not being able to guess your problems. I always make sure my wife tells me her problem, and she never hesitates to tell me. If you don't tell your problems they will always be YOUR problems.

I've made apologies to people I needed to, but I can't apologise to people I don't know for things they don't understand.

— Sienna Miller
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If You Can Give Them A Piece Of Your Mind, You Can Give Them A Piece Of Your Heart

If you are good at confronting your spouse during tough times you are just playing half of the game and living half of the life. I know a lot of people who are proud of the fact that they are good at confrontations and giving people a "piece of their mind". I admit, being able to confront people and giving them a piece of your mind is a worthy trait to have. Many people have become successful businessmen because of this.

But what about giving a piece of your heart instead of a piece of your mind for a change?

A lot of people have no problem giving a piece of their mind but hesitate when they have to give a piece of their hearts. They give excuses like "I don't want show them how much I love them, because that will be showing my weakness, and they might take advantage of me if they know how much I love them."

What many of them fail to realize is showing your love does not make you weak, it makes them weak, on their knees. No one can stand the power of love. How can people take advantage of your love when they have got too much butterflies in their stomach?

There are times when people do take advantage of your kindness and love, but that does not mean you should stop loving. Not everyone is the same, so stop stereotyping. We are talking about your spouse here, someone who has decided to spend his/her whole life with you because you gave him/her a piece of your heart and not a piece of your mind.

When a man and a woman plan to spend the rest of their lives together as a couple, how important is it you that they legally marry

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Marriage is a Family Affair

Never make the mistake of assuming that marriage is just about you and your spouse. This is a very dangerous assumption and can lead to a lot of heartaches and misunderstandings in the future. Dating is between you and your girlfriend. Marriage is a union not only between man and woman but also a union between the family of the bride and groom.

The most common mistake people make is to think that you and your spouse are a separate entity from your family and siblings. You are not. In fact, if any, you and your spouse should now be playing a greater role in your family.

I was never the family type, I used to keep to myself and was generally an introvert. The thought of having to one day impress my future in laws and asking their daughter's hand in marriage scared me and made me nervous just by thinking of it.

Getting married made me value my family more and made me realize how much their wisdom and knowledge helped and support me as a husband. Your parents is a dictionary of wisdom and experience on relationship and raising a child. We somehow always have this misconception that their wisdom and knowledge are old and backward and does not apply to these modern times.

Well, these "modern times" comes with a divorce rate that is through the roof. Your parents were doing something right, otherwise they wouldn't still be together. Even if they are not together anymore, they can still teach you something from the mistakes they have made and lessons they have learned from their divorce.

Parents have a lot of wisdom to teach you and share with you, don't dump them in some old home in Florida where they spend the rest of their lives playing Bingo.

"He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days"-Ani Difranco

All You Need Is Love (And Money)

Money-The one topic people always hesitate to bring up when it comes to getting married. People have this mindset that to bring up the topic of money when love is in the air really ruins the mood. Well, you have a choice, ruin the mood or find out bitter truths about your spouse's financial conditions after you have exchanged vows.

To all women, if you are planning on getting married to your boyfriend/fiancé never feel bad about asking his financial situation. If you are going to be spending the rest of your life with him, you better make sure he is able to support you financially and become the breadwinner of the house.

To the men, if she asks you about your financial situations never cringe. why? please read the previous paragraph. She has a right to know. Another piece of advice, make sure your financial situation is good enough to make sure that you can live with her and give her the necessary comforts all husbands should be able to give their wives. I am not saying you should be a billionaire before you get married, but make sure you earn a steady stream of income enough to support the both of you.

One big mistake I made when I was single was to never bother save money for the future, I was a happy bachelor earning a decent income and living paycheck to paycheck didn't matter. This is a dumb move on my part and there is no day when I am not thankful that I have such an understanding and supportive wife.

Not everyone is lucky enough to get such wife though, so if you want to get married start saving for your future and make sure you are capable enough to support you, her and your future children.

Ready?
Ready? | Source

Ready?

So you are serious about your relationship, you have read Men are From Mars Women are From Venus about a 100 times back to back and know every chapter by heart, you think you know it all. Now you are ready to get on your knees and propose because you feel you are ready, right?

You are never ready. You can feel ready, but that's all it is, a feeling. No one is ready for what is going to come next, let alone marriage. No book or seminar can make you ready, they can only make you feel as such.

Don't get me wrong, to feel ready is the sign that you are ready to move on in life, and it is a good thing. Eventually all birds have to leave their nest and take a plunge if they want to learn how to fly. You learn from experience, it is the only way you will learn.

The only way to make it more easy for the transition from dating to marriage is if you start being honest with each other from the day you have start dating. Yes being playful is good, there is a time for being playful, jolly and flirting, but always make sure you are honest about the things that truly matters if he/she mean anything to you.

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Conclusion

A happy marriage takes work, dedication and support from one another. It takes two hands to clap. Don't blame or disrespect each other. Open and honest discussion should be the foundation of all marriages only then will it be a happy marriage.

I know 4 years is not a long time but the things I have learned so far and my perceptions of family that has been changed for the better is far too great and valuable to not share. I hope you all find this hub useful. I thank you for taking the time to read. Good Luck.

© 2014 suraj punjabi

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    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 

      2 years ago from southern USA

      You've certainly learned so much from four years of marriage ...well, you published this two years ago, so I hope six years of marriage is the case!

      I've been married forever it seems ... hahaha, and you've certainly hit on the most important aspects of keeping a marriage together with your six observations about how to keep a marriage happy and long!

      Blessings

    • suraj punjabi profile imageAUTHOR

      suraj punjabi 

      4 years ago from jakarta

      Harishprasad, thank you for the lovely comments and pointing out that marriage is not only a union between two people but can also be a spiritual connection. This is one aspect of marriage that many people seem to be missing.

      DDE I will consider myself lucky if I get to learn at least half of what you have learned in your 21 years of marriage! I wish you good luck and a happy married life!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Incredible aspects learned here in your four years of marriage in my twenty one years of marriage I have learned how to accept, to love unconditionally, to trust, and how to be love. To be communicative and understanding in all conversations. To respect and be respected, to be go through all times together.

    • Harishprasad profile image

      Harish Mamgain 

      4 years ago from New Delhi , India

      4 years of married life and this much wisdom ! You've gained a real stuff to move on gracefully. Though I'm past a silver jubilee of our married life, this hub is a reminder to stick to the fine art of living together. You have crafted an all-encompassing hub, still, I would like to add one more point that married life has also a spiritual meaning. We long to have a glimpse/insight of All Mighty, the Absolute One through prayers, chants, meditation, breath-control ( pranayama ). This longing is meant for making a union with that Absolute One and to accomplish it,we need extraordinary efforts & devotion. In the like manner, marriage is a union and it's a litmus test for us in that if we are successful in this test/exam. , we're fit enough to proceed with an onerous great journey i.e. enlightenment, the real purpose of our life.

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