What Men Want for Christmas. Tips for Girls to delight Your Guy and make your Yuletide Swing!

Here is some hot relationship advice for girls at Christmas and tips on how to put the romance back into the holiday season. So what is it that men want? - You, of course! Girls, here are 5 tips to delight your man at Christmas.

Christmas is a time of celebration, stuffing, sauces and seduction. So why not get saucy and make your yuletide go with a swing? And while you at it, make sure the only cracker on His Christmas menu is you. So when you 'deck the halls with holly', don't forget the mistletoe!

Number One - The Card

Kick your romantic Christmas off by writing something suggestive on your guy's Christmas Card. This will get him thinking and make sure he knows that a Christmas cuddle and a festive frolic are at the top of your menu.

Number Two - Sexy Santa

Buy yourself a Santa outfit. No not a great baggy red coat and white beard but something much more exotic. You know the kind of thing. Short red jacket with white furry trim that unbuttons down the front, perhaps a red basque, red Santa hat, red stockings (no not tights) and possibly some sexy high boots. When he comes home, make him sit on your knee (If he is a really big boy, you can let him sit next to you on the sofa) and say something along the lines of:

"Ho Ho Ho little boy have I got a surprise for you!"

What happens next? Seasonal seduction, of course. Come on girls, use your imagination. Without further ado, unfasten the jacket and reveal all.

Then let him take the lead. This will get the holiday off to a good start and put him in the Christmas party spirit!

These days, most men are very inhibited by women's fascination with toys.

These high power gadgets are gradually replacing men in some girls affections and many girls find men pretty dull after an evening of 'me time' with the latest techno love machine (rechargable batteries and mains charger included).

So go ahead and choose the toy of your dreams and ask him to buy it for you for Christmas. You can imagine that he will feel pretty insecure having to purchase a machine for his lover that could put him out to grass.

Here is the trick. First unwrap his gift from under the tree and explain to him in great detail all it can do. Watch him wilt before you and then casually toss it back under the tree and say something like:

"You know this collection of circuits, wires and motors could never replace a loving man. You can satisfy me in a way that no battery operated machine ever could!"

Then throw yourself at him and he will be putty in your hands (OK a badly chosen metaphore!)

Should he later abandon you for a sports game, bar or pub with his mates you can always retrieve your new plaything/love machine and go for an encore without him. Anyway, vibrators have a much quicker recovery time than a man!

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This one too is another old chestnut but it works well for me. Deck yourself out as a Christmas gift.

The simple approach is to be naked except for some bright red ribbon wrapped around your waist and possibly around your neck, across your chest etc. You could add tinsel in your hair, a piece of mistletoe or a suggestive Christmas label.

If this isn't your style than you could always be more subtle and add some red lingerie. Stockings always go down well too.

Now take a photo of yourself sitting sexily under the tree and send it to his mobile. Add an email or text reminding him he has a special present under the tree. A word of caution here.

Do make sure you can trust him. You don't want that picture plastered all over the Internet. It might have a negative impact on your future career as a high Court Judge or Cabinet Minister.

Anyway, I can guarentee that he'll be home unusually early that evening and he won't want to put his feet up in front of the TV!

Christmas can drag a little once the turkey has been eaten and the presents have all been opened. You may well find the man of your dreams has lost his passion having eaten and drunk too much.

So how to get him back into shape again. More importantly, how do you make sure he discovers that you are still hot and passionate?

Here is another old cliché that works for me. English men in particular are partial to a little disciple. They actually like to be bossed around as long as you do it in the right way. By right way I mean make sure it has romantic connotations.

So how does this work? Well, for a really naughty Christmas, first slip upstairs and find something that a teacher might wear. Use your imagination. A very short pleated skirt is a good start. Followed by a tight crisp white blouse with open buttons and push up bra. Add some severe spectacles. A cane would also help or failing that a big ruler.

Now practice being assertive then go downstairs in your outfit and get him out of that chair and make him stand up against the wall. If necessary, hit him gently with the ruler but get him to listen and obey you. Once you have his attention, say in a very strict teacher voice something like:

"Take me upstairs right now and make passionate love to me. And we will do this again and again until you get it just right!"

A day or so of this kind of discipline should get him back on his feet and will ensure that the holidays end on a high note for both of you. Should he not be able to keep up with your excessive demands then you still have that fun gadget you keep under the tree as a backup!

By the way don't leave your pleasure machine under the tree if Grandma is visiting. You may have to concoct some half-baked story about it being a modern egg whisk and this could be a real disaster if grandma insists on trying it with real eggs!

Finally, if you need to find a Christmas costume then why not have a look on the Internet? Much less embarressing that trying to find something in the shopping mall or the High Street!

Have a very Merry Christmas with lots of sauce and don't forget to keep those mince pies nice and hot, ready for your man to sample!