Things That Husbands Wish Their Wives Understood

If you ask us “How do I look?” don’t expect an honest answer. You look fine.

Don't cut your hair. But if you have long hair, wear a hair net while making dinner. I don't mind your hair in my mouth, but there is a time and place for everything.

“Special days” like birthdays, Valentine’s Day and anniversaries are regular days to us. We celebrate them with you to keep from getting screamed at.

Guys don’t “shop”. They go in the store, buy what they need and then they get the hell out.

Anything you wear is fine. Really.

Your brothers are idiots, especially the gay one. If I take one of them hunting with me, don’t expect him to come back.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. I'm not a mindreader.

Use a paper towel or a rag to clean the inside of the windshield, not your bare hand.

The stop sign on the corner is there for a reason.

You have to stop completely before you turn right at a red light.

Don’t rev the engine up to 8000 rpm’s when you are “warming up” the car on a snowy morning.

“Yeah” means yes. “Yeah, yeah, yeah…” means “shut up I’m trying to watch this show”.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

“Rolling stops” are not legal.

Just because the sign says “92” doesn’t mean that’s the speed limit. It might be the route number.

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

Anything I said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 24 hours. 

Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

I’m not losing my memory. My brain just doesn’t remember things that I’m not interested in.

Don’t ask me what the single most stressful thing in my life is. You won’t like the answer.

If I am unusually quiet, it is because speaking my mind will only lead to an argument that I can’t win.

The way you made your point the first time was sufficient. You don’t have to keep saying the same thing over and over again in a different way each time.

If I know for a fact that you’re wrong, it’s not worth arguing over it to prove that I’m right. I’ll just agree with you and live with the quiet satisfaction of knowing the truth.

Just because you don’t want to drink doesn’t mean that I don’t want to drink.

Just because you found a bottle of Tequila in my tool box doesn’t mean it’s mine. It is purely circumstantial.

A Malibu is not a sports car. Don’t drive it like one.

Planting everyone’s face into the dashboard isn’t worth saving a squirrel’s life.

I really don’t care what Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz said. But if you have to tell me anyway, don’t wait until the last 7 minutes of “Harry’s Law” to talk about it.

We live on “Morningwood Drive”. Deal with it.

The kitchen stove is not a space heater.

You don’t need to keep the heat in our bedroom at 90 degrees year round.

Say what you really mean. I am not a mind reader.

You don’t have to print everything you read on the Internet.

Only click “print” once. We don’t need 9 copies of what Dr. Oz said yesterday.

The best place to store the can of heating fuel is not next to the furnace.

Dry erase markers are not for addressing packages.

_{Copyright 2012 by Del Banks}