Things You Shouldn't Do After a Break Up

There are certain things you shouldn't do after a break up, whether immediately or a little later. Those things that you are not aware makes you look pathetic, desperate & needy. Those things that we sometimes do during a recent break up because we cannot get hold of our emotions yet which leads us to feel even worse.

I’d like to share a few thoughts from the book “It’s Called a Break up Because it’s Broken” written by Greg Behrendt (co-author of “He’s Just Not That Into You”) and his wife Amira Ruotola-Behrendt. This book cited sample situations that gave me some thoughts & ideas in making this list of things we/you shouldn't do after a break up.

Admit it guys, a lot of us turn our heads to bottles of beers, vodkas and whiskies after a break up. What the heck? We would only look miserable and wasted. You cannot have someone back by mere pity. By doing this, you’re only dragging yourself deeper to the bottom. As what Ms. Amira wrote in the book, “Even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can’t make a chicken salad out of a chicken shit”.

There are many ways to get rid of those stuff. You may either:

- Throw it away

- Burn it

- Donate reusable items to charity

If you want to imply a certain kind of message, you may have it returned via courier service but just don’t return it personally as your ex will most probably get the impression that you just want to see him/her again.

You used all forms of communication channels to connect & communicate with your ex. You keep on sending messages even if you didn't get a reply. You still call your ex even your calls are always being rejected. You still press the like or love button or even leave a comment in his/her social media post but after that he/she unfriend you or block you from viewing his/her past & future posts. You are constantly being ignored, don't you get it?

You're relationships status in your social media doesn't change while your ex have posted photos of him/her with a new beau. What would that make you look in the eyes of your common friends?

You can't be on that denial stage for too long, respect yourself and move on.

You still check on your ex's posts in social media and/or you are asking your common friends whether directly or indirectly about how he/she is doing and what he/she is busy about. Do you want to add salt to your own injury?

Why are you still interested to know how he/she is moving on with his/her life? Would you be happy to see that your ex is happier now without you? Well it's good that if you love someone, you wish him/her happiness. But at least once you confirmed that your ex is fine and is moving on with his/her life, you must do the same too. Move on and find your happiness outside of a romantic relationship. Now that you have more time to re-plan, reset your life goals and act on them.

So you often go to where you first meet, where you and your ex usually date or hang out, where he/she usually go jogging, you often visit his/her best friend & be a member of the same gym where your ex works out. All of these because you are taking chances that you'll be able to talk to or see your ex again or at least catch a glimpse of him/her again. You wish that he/she will think that you meet him/her incidentally when it's actually intentional.

This is a good idea if you want to look pathetic but I'm sure that you don't. If you want to move on, one of the best thing that you could do to forget your hurtful past with him/her is to not see him/her again. I'm sure you've heard the phrase "out of sight, out of mind". And it actually helps.

Some says that the best way to forget someone is to see someone else. I say it’s not. Flirting, courting or dating right after the break up is not only unfair to the innocent person but is also unfair to yourself. Why? Because you’re making yourself believe that you’re over someone when in fact you really don’t. Make yourself whole again first before entering another relationship. This way you can start a relationship right, a fresh new beginning and not a filler of a broken end.

Befriending your ex will not help you recover. Allow yourself to process the hurt feelings first prior accepting the friendship, that is, if he/she is still worth it. Chances are, you’re befriending your ex hoping that one day you’ll get back together. Why will you expose yourself to a greater pain? He/she broke up with you because he/she no longer want to fix any problem in your relationship. If he/she really loves you, he/she wouldn’t dump you anyway. He/she might just be offering friendship as a consolation.

Final Note

Break up really sucks, what’s important is we don’t do anything silly because of it. For sure we’ll get through it no matter how long. Remember that sometimes, we wouldn’t know who the right person is if we have not met a few wrong ones.

As Greg Behrendt wrote “The best revenge isn’t messing up his life, it’s getting on with yours and living it to the fullest”.