- Gender and Relationships
Things a Woman Never Wants to Hear on the First Few Dates
When it comes to dating, every woman wants to be swept off her feet (figuratively speaking, of course). Contrary to the movies and fairy tales, this actually takes time. It takes more than one date to really sweep her away. So, aside from all the games that should never be played, keep these things in mind. They are things no woman wants to hear from the man she has just begun dating. Definitely do not utter these words on a first date, and try to avoid them at least until a relationship with her is on solid footing.
“My ex used to do that all the time.”
It is definitely a big no-no to talk so much about your ex-girlfriends, especially on the first date. Women may be interested in knowing about your past, but not in great depth. Quite possibly not even in great depth after that. She is interested in what a man has to offer her and in whether or not he seems interested in her, not how great some woman from the past was or was not.
“Your last boyfriend must have been a real jerk.”
Excuse me? What an insult to her that you think her taste in men is so low! Second, you have just shown her how much of a jerk you yourself can be. Perhaps she really should be questioning her taste in men, starting with you.
“This is where I met my last girlfriend.”
Way to make her feel special. Now she feels as if she must do or be something extraordinary in order to compete with a memory. It is much better to take her some place not associated with any other special woman from the past. This way the memory of the date will not be tarnished should a relationship develop.
“I’d better take this phone call. It’s my mom.”
Unless it is some kind of emergency, these words or anything similar are not likely to be welcomed by a woman on the first few dates. You can imagine why not, of course. She wants a man, not a mama’s boy. A woman needs to know she is the number one woman in her man’s life. As much as he loves his mother, she must be the first priority only when warranted. Otherwise, his mother should come in second place. Of course, you could also leave a negative impression if you rudely blow your mother off. She is your mother after all. Best to ignore the phone call along with all others until after the date.
“You remind me so much of my mother, only she doesn't do it like that.”
Just what every woman wants to hear. Okay, not really. Although love for one’s mother is a good sign that a man respects a woman, there is not a woman on Earth that wants to know her man’s mother is called to his mind every time he thinks of or looks at her. There is just something a little bit creepy about that. Seriously, did you really just compare her skills to that of your mother’s? Does her method of accomplishing something have to either add up to or exceed your mother’s? What exactly do you mean by that? Nevermind, it doesn’t matter. She is pretty sure it is an insult. Somehow.
“So, wanna have kids? I bet you’d make a great mother.”
Say what? Whoah! Slow down there! She may want to be a mother. She might even want to be one fairly soon. But that does not mean she wants you to be the daddy. She has only just met you, for heaven’s sake! Best to save the conversation about how many kids she wants someday for a later date.
“May I hold your hand?”
Seriously? Did you just act like a scared little boy and ask if you can hold a woman’s hand? Just go for it. If she welcomes your touch, she will let you take her hand in yours. If the move makes her uncomfortable, she will pull her hand away. Just watch for her signals and you will be alright.
“I seem to have left my wallet at home. Can you please cover the check?”
These words will surely leave a man feeling more than a little embarrassed. They might even leave him dateless and doing the dishes to pay for the meal he was supposed to pay for. At the very least, she likely will instantly assign him to “just friends” status.
“Oooh, I thought you were paying for yourself.”
Wait, I thought you asked her out? Let's get one thing straight. Yes, she might be the strong, confident type, but if you asked her out then she is going to assume you are going to be the gentleman and pay. Did you not have enough money to pay for her as well, or did you really think women these days expect to pay for themselves?
“You look so much better in person!”
Does this mean that her photograph is not appealing? Should a woman consider it a good thing that her date is pleasantly surprised she is not the person in the photograph? Conversely, it probably is not a good idea to say she looks better in photographs either. Really, it is probably best not to mention photographs of her at this point. This is why blind dates are a bad idea.
“You remind me of my ex.”
That one is right up there with saying she reminds you of your mother, her mother even. She will take that as offensive. You might as well still be dating your ex if you mean it as a compliment, and if you think your ex was a psycho then you have probably just sealed your fate by not having to worry about a psycho that reminds you of the ex-psycho.
“You look great for your age.”
Oh! That is most definitely a fail. It really does not matter if you are speaking to your date or to some random woman on the street. You may not mean it the way it sounds, but. . .well. . .by now you get the idea. Maybe try just saying she looks great and leave it at that, okay?
“Do you want to come to my place or should we go to yours?”
My, my, my. That is mighty presumptuous of you, don’t you think? She most definitely does. Try giving the girl some space. You enjoy the chase and let her enjoy hopefully leaving you with something to miss. Assuming she likes you at all, that is.
And a woman never wants to hear a man tell her she can't do something he would do!
“So I’ve never really been serious with a girl before, but you might be the lucky one.”
There are so many things wrong with that sentence, starting with the fact that she is on a date with a child. Secondly, she is not so lucky to be your first serious girlfriend. Unless by some off chance you are also her first serious relationship. Can't imagine the things that could go wrong there.
“You would look better in blue. You should wear blue next time we hang out.”
Never ever presume that you can tell a girl you have just met what she would look good in. First, it suggests that she does not look nice the way she is. Second, she probably no longer has plans for a next time.
“I still can’t believe she had them give me a restraining order!”
Say what? Maybe this date is not such a good idea after all. A little violent tension is now in the air. Need anything else be said?
“I’ve got an excellent gun and/or knife collection at home.”
Okay. . . .so now you seem slightly creepy. But, if creepy is not the right word, then perhaps cruel is. Unless she is into hunting herself, she is not going to be turned on by the idea of animal cruelty as a sport.
“May I please see your I.D.?”
Why do you need to see her identification? If she has to prove she is who she says she is, you will likely be seeing her identifying the exit sign instead. What a shame to show such signs of mistrust right from the start. Then again, maybe that is one sign she is better off seeing from the get-go.
“Are you always this way?”
You must be pretty good at this insult thing. That's pretty direct. To ask a girl if she is always so shy, so quiet, so confrontational, so rude, or anything else of that nature is most definitely going to be construed as an insult. If you do not like her as she is now, perhaps you will not like her any other way, and she does not want to change to suit your preferences.
“So what’s your type?”
Not you. Not anymore. Do not ask your date to compare you to other guys she typically dates. It is a definite turn off. It puts her too much on the spot.
“How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?”
Why? So that you can take advantage of her first chance you get? Unless you are the creep she quite possibly now thinks you are (in which case she will no longer be drinking with you), do not ask that.
“Are you going to eat all that? I’m so glad you’re not one of those girls who eat like a bird!”
Nope, she’s not a bird eater, unless you count chicken or turkey. She does not eat like one either, but your implication that she is eating too much is definitely noticed. Oh, if you really mean that you are glad she is not nibbling at her food, forget about watching her eat anything else. She is still too self-conscious to eat now. On the other hand, if she is nibbling at pebble-sized seeds now, you know why.
“Do you know how many calories are in that?”
Chances are she does, but did you just call her fat? Wrong move, Mister. Wrong move. Enough said.
It Never Woulda Worked Out Anyway
“Your friend, John, must be a real loser.”
Congratulations! You have just managed to put your own insecurities on full display. Frankly, Bud, she’s either into you or she is not. Insulting other men that she knows will turn that into a not in the blink of an eye. It is just not attractive to be so negative about others. Are you the gossiping type that will talk about her behind her back? Do you really feel the need to prove how much better you are than anyone you perceive as competition? Well, if so, you did not succeed. However, you did succeed in proving how much you do not trust her to be loyal to you. You also proved what a loser you are.
“How much money do you earn?”
Not only does she not want you asking such personal questions that have no bearing on the date, but you might just come off slightly like a gold digger. And while we are on the subject, she is not a gold digger either. Do not brag about how much you make or about how many expensive things you own. Materialism is not cool. She's not looking to be anybody's sugar mama and she doesn't need a sugar daddy.
“Really? You work there?”
Way to insult her lowly job status. Yes, that is exactly how that comment sounds. Either you do not like what she currently does for a living or you do not like where she chooses to work. Either way, you just bombed.
“I’m not racist, but. . .”
She is not racist either, but she doesn't care what follows that disclaimer. You just started off a sentence with that phrase so she is pretty sure that you actually are. If you must start a sentence off with a disclaimer of that nature, do not voice the thought. Ever. To anyone. Especially a woman you are on the first date with.
“I’m really not looking for anything serious right now, but we can see where it goes.”
Hey there, man. You just blew it big time! Thank you for taking a few seconds to be so honest with her. She now knows you are a waste of time to continue dating. But, hey, might as well have fun with the rest of this date, right?