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Things to do if you suspect your guy of cheating

Updated on June 9, 2014
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So you suspect your spouse of cheating. If you suspect it, there’s an 85 percent chance that there is truth and evidence to your suspicions, especially if you are not the insecure type. DO NOT ignore your intuition. If you are the insecure type, do not read any further. You need to make sure that you are not just being paranoid. However, being insecure certainly does not mean your suspicions are incorrect.

First things first, WRITE DOWN ALL THE ACTIVITIES that you are suspicious of no matter how small. Get a pen and paper and physically write them down. This is important because as women we often overlook or forget some things and those things will come rushing back once you confirm that he has been cheating. It is also very easy for us to try to ignore these suspicions due to the excuses that we come up with and our desire to believe our spouse’s explanation. And last but not least, you need to prove to yourself that it’s not just all in your head. You can even compare them to his “normal” behavior if needed.

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ASK A LOT OF QUESTIONS but not all at once. Be very casual and nonchalant about it. Question him as you are relaxed and winding down for bed. Question him as you are washing dishes. Appear that you are just making conversation. Be specific in your questioning. Ask questions to which you already know the answer. Look for certain types of responses. Ask questions and expect a certain type of answer or response. Ask trick questions. REMEMBER his answer, remember how he responded even if you have to write them down. This is very important to getting him caught up in his lies. Always ask in person, never over the phone, via email or text. Make note of his facial expressions and body language.

SNOOP. Yes, I am giving you permission to snoop. People say that snooping in a relationship is a big no, no but this applies only to those insecure types that I mentioned earlier; not to you. Yes, you are supposed to be able to trust your spouse but clearly you have come to the conclusion that you cannot. So go for it! Check his call log, text messages, voice mail, email, photo gallery, and messaging and activities on social media websites. Don’t just look for messages or calls from another woman because if he thinks he’s being careful, they won’t be there. Also look for the constant and regular deletion of text messages. Pay attention to times when you witnessed him making a call or text and no longer see that information for the time of the call/text in his phone. Ex: You saw him texting for 10 mins back and forth around 2pm but now he only has text messages from 2 days ago. Where did the conversations go? He deleted it. But why?

SUBTLY LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU ARE INVESTIGATING HIM. The important word here is SUBTLY, which means don’t be so obvious about it. You want him to think, “Could she be on to me?” Then from there you want him to either say, “Nah” or become very defensive. But his reaction totally depends on his personality and not how good of an investigator you are; so don’t be discouraged. How do you subtly let him know that you are on to him? Use some of the evidence you have already found. Use some of that specific questioning I mentioned earlier. Use some words, phrases, or actions that are general yet specific to him in a non-questioning manner and aim for a bit of sarcasm. For example, “Well, I guess I should start wearing those black thong panties I bought.” Or something like that because you saw a message with him discussing black thong underwear in his phone. Say something along those lines. Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself.

TRUST YOURSELF and confront him. It is not ok to be belligerent about it. But once you have gathered a sufficient amount of evidence to your satisfaction let him know how you feel, what you think about it. Have a plan. Do you plan to leave him, do you plan to reconcile does the answer to these questions depend on his response? Stay strong; do not allow him to convince you that your evidence is wrong because he will try. Remember this is NOT the United States Court of Justice. You are NOT innocent until proven guilty. By then, it may be too late. You might have already contracted some incurable STI wreaking havoc on your lady parts. I’m just saying.


Good Luck!

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