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- Relationship Problems & Advice
Thanksgiving and other holidays are rapidly approaching and while I usually am excited and getting prepared, this year is going to be different. Unfortunately, all my usual routines of going to family gatherings, shopping on Black Friday, and putting my tree up with my kids will not be taking place. I wasn't going to share this part of my story, since it's very hurtful and painful but I feel like if I could just help one person know that they're not on their own, then I have purpose.
I make no apologies for the fact that I suffer from PTSD caused from Domestic Violence. I made a personal choice to go to treatment for twenty one days to seek help. It was great I learned a lot of DBT skills and went to trauma therapy with others that could relate to my story. Before, I left I sent a text to my ex stating that him watching my son was on my temporary and that I'm still the primary custodian. He acknowledged the text. So I went on my merry way to treatment. Half way into treatment my son began to act differently and he wouldn't even speak to me. I then asked my ex what was going on and he responded that my six year old who loved me more than anything before I left, no longer wanted to live with me. Not only did this break my heart as I have been the primary custodian for both my six year old and fifteen year old since they were born, but I now knew that my ex was up to something. I just never knew he would take it this far...
As i have told, in my other hubs and blogs my ex abused me both physically and emotionally. Before I left to go treatment he had taken my vehicle (for the second time) and I lost my apartment and job due his action. The day before I was to come home, I asked my ex again if I was going to be able to get my son when I come home for his birthday. I came home on October, 5th. My ex proceeded to tell me that my son didn't want to see me and no he wouldn't let me get him because I didn't have a car and his son wasn't going to stay in a one bedroom apt. A week later when I was supposed to finally get my son per our custody agreement, my ex proceeded to tell me that he had custody right now. At this point, I'm a mess and can barely grasp what he has done. It was bad enough everything my ex had put me through prior, but this just destroyed me. He took my baby from me and turned him against me completely. I called everywhere to try to figure out how he had custody and nobody could tell me anything. I was losing hope of ever finding out.
A few weeks into this life changing debacle my ex was threatening me via text messages, so I went and got an order of protection. About, a week later I get a letter from his attorney stating that he had temporary custody via a restraining order. Mind you, I was in treatment when he got this, I was never served papers for court dates, I never abused him, and he he had me contacting me the whole time this "restraining order " was in place. I filed a police report that he had been contacting me while he had this restraining order in place and based on my text messages that turned into stalking charges against my ex. The charges were nolled last week, but my order of protection is still in place.
So, while I'm now protected from his physical and emotional abuse and threats, I still can't see my son until we have our next custody hearing. Which, his lawyer is postponing until the outcome of the OP. It has been three long painful months. I just don't understand how a judge allows this to happen. A lawyer did tell me that if an aggressive attorney wants to gain custody fast, they will get a restraining order and that's just what he did. My heart is broken and destroyed into a million pieces, but I have to be present for my other son. Since, he's a teenager he's not into all of the holiday traditions anymore. My little one adored doing these things with me. He loved just being with me.
Although, this seems like an eternity and the worst holiday ever. I just have to continue to push along and do what I can. Be the best Mother and person that I can be. I know good always prevails against evil. It's just a matter of time. I will get my baby back and we will make up for this lost time. Here's to next Thanksgiving being a better one!