Three Reasons You Can't Fix Your Relationship
When It's Time to Give Up on And Move On
There comes a time when what is broken cannot be fixed. You've tried to sort it out, but it's gone way beyond counselling and no amount of couples talks is going to result in anything close to reconciliation.
Shouldn't You Just Keep Trying to Repair the Relationship?
This is absolutely subjective. You might want to keep trying, especially if young children are involved. You might have had enough of the rows and the long silences however. When you are stuck in the same old cycle, and have tried everything then it just might be time to call it a day.
When There is Contempt in a Relationship
Contempt has to be the hardest issue to overcome. It's a harsh and destructive emotion and no good can come of it. I'd like to shake anyone living with contempt and point out that they are the one hurting, they are the one drinking down the poison, therefore it stands to reason that they are going to feel angry and frustrated most of the time.
Your issues have built up over many years and you've never attempted to address them, rather put up with unacceptable behaviour from your partner because it was easier at the time. Now you can't fathom why you let things carry on for as long as you did. You are full of contempt for your other half and resentment on top of that. How do you get over that and move on? I'm not sure there's any satisfactory resolve to either resentment or contempt. You'd have to really want to let it go and your partner would have to be extremely supportive while you dealt with releasing it.
Blame in Relationships
If you hold your partner responsible for the lack of anything in your life, you probably shouldn't. We make our own way in life, we are responsible for ourselves. If something your partner did had a negative impact on you, if you feel you missed out on a career because you had kids young, if he went out and left you holding the baby more than a couple of nights a week....
All of these things need to be addressed as and when they are happening. Not addressing them and leaving them until they turn around and around inside of you, churning momentum all the while, is going to end in heart-ache at some point.
Chronic Infidelity in a Relationship
When you have been living with a person that constantly looks elsewhere for excitement or is an opportunistic adulterer (who takes every opportunity) there is little chance of happiness.
Chronic infidelity erodes your confidence and self-esteem, it can make you feel worthless, wondering what is wrong with you, when really there is something wrong with your partner.
You are worth more, you are being used and you deserve better. But you know that, of course you do. Knowing this and being prepared to do something about though, are two different things. Everyone is different and everyone has their breaking point.
It's Their Entitlement
Chronic betrayers rarely stop of their own accord. Often they feel as if they are entitled to sleep with other people. They see it as a human right to do exactly as they please and they have little or no regard for the hurt they are causing you. Those partners that continue to betray you even after they've been caught really do not respect your relationship. It's not personal, they'd be unfaithful if they were married to Angelina Jolie. It's about sex, nothing more than something other than the average life they hold in contempt.
Most people eventually give up on trying to fix a relationship full of infidelity. They finally get to a point of no return. They hit their brick wall, they can't pass through it and even if they could, they aren't sure they have the energy or the will for the fight and the inevitable exhaustion that infidelity causes.
Time to Accept It's Over
In either of these circumstances, you might be better off accepting that it's time to move on. Some people are afraid of being alone, and consider this sort of life better than the alternative.
Some things are broken beyond repair. Even Harry Potter's magic wand cannot save a relationship covered in so many bruises and scars. Life is short and you are worth all of the good things you dream of.
relationships are about mutual respect and compromise. Chuck some love in there and a good dose of fun and that's what makes a relationship.