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Three Things To Check Before Getting Serious With A Potential Love

Updated on September 12, 2015

Blowing A Kiss

Blowing a kiss
Blowing a kiss | Source

© 2015 Express10

For the most part, we are social creatures, wanting to be loved and wanting to give love. However, if you and your potential love are not in agreement as to certain boundaries and have a good understanding of each others wants and needs, as well as open communication, this could spell trouble ahead. Be sure to read about some important things to review prior to committing to a relationship so that you and your love have the best chance of having happiness together and standing the test of time.

A quick note: These things should not be discussed on the first several dates, nor should they be discussed rapid-fire interrogation style. They should be discussed over time and not be left to chance especially when you choose to put your financial, sexual, and/or emotional health in their hands via a monogamous commitment or otherwise.

Strange But (Partially) True Quote About Love

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”

― Robert Fulghum, True Love

Check Their Background

This includes everything from their family and upbringing to their medical, criminal and credit records. Don't be put off if you're asked to provide the same and if you are not asked, offer and ask for the same from them. Aside from these records and if the relationship is getting serious, you can see if you are compatible by talking to them about their family life, values, etc. and if possible, talk with their family as well and get to know them.

Begin having these potentially awkward or tough talk(s) with your partner, preferably before getting serious in your relationship so you won't be sorry or surprised later once you've invested much more in the relationship, including giving yourself to them physically. If they come up with excuses multiple times or stonewall, take that as a huge red warning flag to slow down or take it as a warning to not get further involved with them. A person's family and the way they were raised usually colors their habits, lives, and their outlook on life for the rest of their life.

While there are most certainly exceptions to this, a person's upbringing and family life does count to some degree as to their character, choices, individual growth, etc. Some or all of these things you may be happy with, but with others or even all of them, you may not. If you are a saver and you fall for a reckless spender, are you truly going to be okay with them putting you into debt, preventing you from saving for retirement or preventing you from getting a nice house or apartment, etc?

It is important for you to understand what is there and what isn't, add in what you have to offer them and think about whether this is a good match that you will be happy with and will make them happy in as well. It's best to find out sooner than later to be able to make a wise choice for yourself as to the level of seriousness in the relationship or whether to continue the relationship at all. Do not be afraid to check your potential mate's background!

Love Is In The Cards For You

Love is in the cards for you
Love is in the cards for you | Source

Did You Check To See If Your Mate Has Planning And Goal Setting Skills?

Before getting serious with your potential mate, truly ask yourself if your potential mate values and utilizes planning skills and goal setting. Or, do they simply wish for various things and situations without planning, goal setting and actually taking action? For example, ask your potential mate what things are important to them and what they are doing to earn them. You may ask if they want to have certain things such as a specific level of success in their job or career or the resources and freedom to be more philanthropic for example.

Perhaps asking if they want to own a home or upgrade to a dream home, have a certain type of car, have a specific amount in the bank/investments/retirement/emergency funds, will help you gauge if they have similar goals but also whether or not they are actually planning and working towards them. In a relationship, planning and goal setting are important whether it's a short term or long term basis. If both partners have or utilize neither, that may not be a problem in the couple's opinion however, in relationships where only one partner does has/utilizes these traits, the consequences could be very negative for the relationship.

Ask what they are doing to reach these goals, if they cannot clearly state the steps they are taking or will need to take and there is no proof of the actions required being performed, this is a very important sign that they are a wisher who does not actually put forth the effort to create and reach goals. Other signs of a poor planner are constant excuses. You may notice that they have a lot of excuses or they may just rely on a few...repeatedly and that they don't do things they should be doing. This type of person will be constantly at odds with you if you are a person who plans, goal sets and takes action. Tread carefully and think about whether their lack of planning and goal setting will negatively affect you and your life if you are in a serious relationship, let alone married to them.

Cute Way To Say How Much You Care

Cute way to say how much you care
Cute way to say how much you care | Source

Be Sure To Discuss Your Dealbreakers And Theirs As Well

Each person's dealbreakers are unique to them and their life experiences. Each person brings different perspectives and opinions to a relationship and you should be able to understand their perspective and keep their wishes and dealbreakers in mind to avoid unnecessary problems. If you don't understand the reason behind any dealbreaker of theirs, ask what experience led to it so that you will. If you don't agree with one or a combination of the dealbreakers, then it is very important to say so and why. Maybe a compromise can be made, maybe not. But having the discussion is what's most important so that both of you know where you stand and if you are truly compatible.

At some points of a person's life, they may find that they would tolerate some things and not others. Or, they may find that they have tolerated things that they never would tolerate again, this is precisely why dealbreakers/limits need to be thought about, discussed and clearly understood upfront. While some people's dealbreakers in their relationship may be similar or the exact same and both parties will be easy to please, this is not always the case. You will be doing yourself and your significant other a favor if these are discussed upfront and kept in mind. If you know with any certainty that you or your significant other will not be able to adhere to dealbreakers you have discussed, they need to be revisited or the seriousness of the relationship should be carefully reviewed.

At Last sung by Josh Krajcik

An interesting take on the cycle of love

A unique take on the cycle of love
A unique take on the cycle of love | Source

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    • Express10 profile image
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      H C Palting 2 years ago from East Coast

      Thanks so much for reading Frank. Years ago I never thought of doing these things however, if I had it would really have allowed me to not waste my time and efforts with people I was not well suited to and vice versa. DashingScorpio made a great comment above, pointing out that most people don't reveal their true selves up front. That is precisely why more people need to take their time and get to know each other. Of course, I'm not saying these things should be discussed on the first several dates or in an interrogation style, but they should not be left to chance especially when you are choosing to put your financial, sexual and emotional health in their hands via a monogamous commitment.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      wow time has really changed.. now we gotta do back ground checks and credit checks.. .. but I guest we gotta do what we gotta do.. that's why the best times for falling in love was High schools and Colleges.. anyway it was a good hub my friend :)

    • Express10 profile image
      Author

      H C Palting 2 years ago from East Coast

      Thanks so much for reading DashingScorpio, I've seen your excellent advice and opinions for a couple years now in various areas of HP. I agree, people most definitely reveal their true selves over time and this is why people should take their time in a relationship. People should not have sex, get engaged/married, or move in too soon. It should be understood by anyone that seeking background, family history and other personal info should not be asked for in an interrogation style fashion and should be acquired over time. The length of time varies and depends on what both people in the relationship are comfortable with. Some people may feel comfortable with discussing this info over a period of several months while others may take a year or more.

      Hopefully during that time they have not gone farther than what they are comfortable with, have no regrets because they had sex, got engaged or married too soon or prior to getting this information and truly seeing the real person before them. I really like the info graphic about the cycle of love because it describes finally acting like your real self much later and not long after that is when the relationship sputters or ends.

      I also agree that no one reveals their "baggage" early on and it is for this reason that more people need to take things as slowly as possible. I cannot even count how many times some of my friends have jumped in head first, having sex, moving in, completely uprooting themselves and moving out of state...only to be sorely disappointed. It's from that perspective that I wrote this. You are so right, in an overwhelming majority of cases, people would be passed over early on if their true selves were quickly revealed which emphasizes the importance of doing your homework and taking things at the pace of a snail. If they can't cool their heels or show you their true selves? All the more reason to take it even slower or give them the axe.

    • Express10 profile image
      Author

      H C Palting 2 years ago from East Coast

      Sandramat, you are very right. There is certainly truth in that proverb. Hopefully, in the process of falling and before it is true love, people can attempt to take some steps to give the relationship the best chances for success?

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Voted up and interesting!

      Knowing who you're involved with is very important.

      Nevertheless it's important to establish that there is a "mutual interest" prior to delving into someone's background, family history, and their goals. This is information that should naturally be revealed over time.

      One of the reasons people blow "first dates" is they approach them like job interviews or instructors giving a student a pop quiz.

      Timing and technique are very important in ascertaining information. One must first be sure that both of you want an "exclusive relationship". If the person you're considering to be your mate is not ready to settle down or simply is not "into you" odds are they're not going to be an "open book".

      No one reveals their "baggage" early on if they're into you. The infatuation phase is about impressing one another.

      Another factor to consider is most people only reveal personal things about their family and themselves once trust has been established.

      This is one of the reasons we oftentimes don't discover things about our mate until after we're "emotionally invested" in them.

      The same strategy is often implored by women who refuse to have sex until they're certain the man is "emotionally invested".

      Once someone feels they're "in love" it makes it all that more difficult for them to walk away if they're disappointed.

      Had you known the whole truth early on you would have passed on them.

    • sandramat profile image

      Sandra Ray 2 years ago

      There is a proverbs saying "Love is Blind" So, A person who is in love can see no faults or imperfections in the person who is loved.