How To Respond To Her Personal Ad
I am in the process of trying to find a new boyfriend to drive me absolutely nuts. It worked the first time I tried, so I am going back to Craigslist Personal's to a new guy to make me crazy. I posted a personal ad and have received some great response to it. A few in particular have caught my eye.
I find myself responding to guys trying to give them advice what they should and shouldn't have said in their response to my personal. They aren't my type, so I try to give a little pep talk so they can have better luck elsewhere.
Here are a few of the online dating tips for Craigslist or any dating site, I am trying to get across to them.
5 Things To Avoid When Answering Her Personal Ad
- Do Not Copy and Paste Your Personal Ad Response
Do you think that she can't read through your personal ad response e-mail and spot a generic-send-all kind of script? It may be your crowning achievement and could have taken you hours to write and years to perfect, but consider why you are still using a personal ad response you wrote years ago. Maybe it's not working for you.
I receive a handful of responses that were verbatim excatly the same thing they sent me when I was shopping for men 10 months ago. Hell I even talked on the phone a few nights with one of them.
If you want to have something already written that says your basics that's fine, but the bulk of your e-mail should be original and written for THAT girl. It needs to sound like it was written just for her, otherwise she will delete.
- Your Response MUST Have At Least A Paragraph To Get Her Attention. It Must Also Show SOME Personality
The following will not get much attention. They were not actual responses, just pulled out of my head as an example of the responses I have received.
Hi, my name is Bruce. I am an independent contractor for a wireless company. I have a dog. Oh, I am 6'0 and have dark hair.
I think your so hot. Will you write me back so that we can get to know each other better
You seem very cool. I would like to meet you. My phone number is (###)###-####
Where have you been all my life. I'm Christopher, I have am new to this area and trying to meet new people. I found you to be charismatic. I have my own house and like to go dancing, eat out, and play golf. Hit me up if you would like to talk more.
The first 3 are common responses and lame as hell. She will have nothing to respond to. Responses that start like this will get either no response, or will receive only a sentence or two back. The 4th is a better attempt except there is no personality. In a personal ad or response, everyone seems to be trying to meet new people, everyone seems to like to go dancing and eat out. The only thing that stood out was that he said he liked to play golf. OK theres at least a hobby in there.
Until you show personality, she will have a hard time trying to show you hers. Your best response will have 2 to 3 paragraphs. MAX! Do not write her a book, it will not be taken the way you want it too. Grab her attention by responding to some of the things she put in her personal ad. Hold her attention with things about you that may be on common ground with things about her. Do not try to agree with everything she says, do not try and be her perfect match.
- No Pillow Talk In E-mail
Mentioning sex imply's that you are answering the add with your penis and not your heart. It will get you an occasional date and maybe some interesting one night stand sex, it will not get you the woman who will try hard to please your heart and mind year after year.
Do not offer to take her shopping for lingerie. You are not the first to offer this and you will be given as much attention as the last guy. if you prefer not to be deleted, consider buying your future girlfriend lingerie when you've been together awhile, don't make it a first date.
Some girls think that they NEED to mention sex in a personal ad. They think it's what guys want to see anyway right? Or she is just really confident and open and it's her style to bring up the subject to flirt your attention. You DO NOT respond to these comments to get the right girl. See above for reason.
- Always, Always Include A Picture.
Pictures sent upfront saves a lot of time. You responded because you liked her picture. It is only fair that she see yours as well. Even if she didn't send a picture, send yours. Everything starts with the first initial visual attraction. Avoid the mindset that she should get to know your personality first. What's the point in investing time in someone by e-mailing or calling on the phone if it turns out there is just now visual attraction. Let her see your picture so she can either say "ya I can see myself naked next to him" or not, and then she can move on to the next response.
Don't start to worry that she won't like the way you look. Hot or not, not everyone will. If she doesn't, the next girl might. Don't get hung up on it. The hottest long haired guy could e-mail me his picture and seem great, except that long hair is my biggest turn off and I just can't ever see myself involved with someone with it. May seem shallow but everyone has their turn-offs. Everyone is attracted to people for different reasons and much of is not in our control. So what you think are your hang-ups she might really dig. Plan to send your picture or don't send at all. If it's not on the computer your using but it is at home, don't send a message saying this, just save her e-mail and send her a message with your picture later.
- Tell Her how Old You Are And Be Honest!
True story I was with a guy who told me before we met that he was 25. He told me two weeks of us being "together" that he was actually 36. I gave him a second chance and we actually stayed together for quite some time, but for a very specific reason and one that would probably never repeat.
Age requirements are guidelines not rules, but they should be respected. You've found a woman's personal ad that seems very sincere and like the perfect girl for you. If she's looking for someone 27 to 34 and your 45, don't reply. She may be perfect for you, but you are not for her. Move on there are other ads. If however you are 26 or 36 by all means take the chance.
If your trying to get a long term relationship, it's a pretty good idea to be honest about everything. Women are resouceful, if your not telling the truth, we will find out. Not telling some very important facts about you is also not a good idea. You don't have to mention them in the first email, but probably before you waste her time on a date if these are no good for her.
- Drugs, even pot should be admitted to early. Same goes with smoking, and drinking habits.
- STD's. She should have the choice to date or not someone with say HIV or Herpes.
- Single, Divorced, Married. First of all, do NOT try and date a girl if you are still legally married unless you tell her this upfront right away. Some girls are OK with this, most such as myself, will not date married men. If you are divorced, you should let her know this early on.
- Kids. She should know if you already have children and what your living situation is with them. Some women could care less and would be OK with this, Some will not, some will have their own mini crew and you could have playdates.
- Religion. Approach the topic lightly, but if it's a huge force in your life, she needs to know how much and how it might work with her faith. This is 2008 and I'd imagine most of us don't care and respect others beliefs. She may however not be into going to church many times a week, or perhaps she is and you are not. Tread lightly and get this topic out of the way after a few messages. DO NOT start a debate.
- Living Situation. Do you have your own place, live with roommates, or at home with parents.