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Tips For Nice Guys (Why Good Girls Go For Bad Boys)

Updated on June 12, 2011

The Nice Guy

The nice guy is usually quiet, polite, well kept and would make a mother proud. He is smart and perhaps a little socially retarded! He is submissive. He does everything the girl wants because he doesn't want to upset her. He avoids confrontation where possible and tries hard get along with everyone. I considered myself one of these nice guys until experience taught me some lessons the hard way. The tips are mine and are based on my analysis of relationships from observation and experience. Also in part from tips I've been given by women. I'm no expert though and if you disagree I'd be interested to know your point of view and why.

Give him a shot! (photo:
Give him a shot! (photo:

Tip #1: Don't be a pushover. Stand up for yourself!

Do you know why good girls go for bad boys? One of the big reasons is that those bad boys don't give a hoot about anyone else but themselves. They'll tell the good girls to bugger off if they feel like it. They don't let anyone take advantage of them. They appear to be alpha males. At the same time, I'm sure the girls see it as a challenge to try and change these guys. It keeps things interesting and not boring. If you're a nice guy, don't always agree with the good girl. Don't always do whatever she wants to do. You need to stand up for yourself.

Tip #2: Take the lead. Don't be submissive!

Say "no" when you don't want to do something. You don't have to be a bumhole about it, but do take the initiative and suggest something else you may both enjoy. Also, if you want to have a beer with the boys, don't cancel your plans to just because she wants to go see a chick flick. Spending time with your other friends (yes, sometimes alone and not with her coming along) is still as important as before you got into that relationship - they may be the only ones left if the relationship goes sour. Taking the lead in many areas of the relationship in a way displays bravery and that you are in control. It also gives the girl confidence that you are someone willing to take the first step in unknown or scary situations should they arise.

Tip #3: You need to go out and make the first move.

Women are not going to be handed to you on a platter. You need to get out there and meet them. You can't stay indoors all the time and play with your Wii, no matter how much pleasure you get from that. And by going out, I don't mean go out with a bunch of your mates and sit around drinking without mingling and meeting new people. Trust me, if you approach a group of women and specifically introduce yourself to the one you fancy, it shows you've got balls cause everyone knows how scary that can be. She'll probably introduce you to all of her friends and stuff also. Now here's a special tip within a tip - the amount of effort you put in to get to know her friends is directly proportional to the amount of positive feedback her friends will give your potential partner about you...think about it.

Tip #4: If you really really like the girl, back off a bit.

When guys meet a girl they're really into, the instinct is to do everything that will work against them. They'll want to smother the girl with love and presents. They'll want to call all the time and spend hours and hours with her, forgetting everyone else in their life. DON'T do this. I realise it is going against what you feel like doing instinctively, but it will not help you. It often makes the girl feel suffocated and she backs away. Remember this from the first moment. If you approach a woman and you get rejected, don't act like it's a kick in the guts no matter how badly it feels that way. Take it on the chin and even act subtly nonchalant about it. Move on quickly! It just may cause her to take a second look.

Tip #5: Be confident.

I used to be very self depreciating, other people told me so. Now I'm fairly confident with who I am and worry a lot less about what other people think. Don't get me wrong, everyone has their insecurities, but at the same time it's important to realise that... everyone has insecurities! You're as unique as everybody else in that regard! That's why people should refrain from making fun of other people insofar as things they can't change (like their height). If you notice each other lacking confidence, put their mind at ease by offering a genuine compliment (I keep referring to these) and perhaps even offer up one of your own insecurities so you can move on. Be confident. If you don't love yourself, how would you expect someone else to?

Tip #6: Develop your social skills.

This only really comes with practice and overtime. Most of the time, you can take shortcuts by learning from good sources. Learn the art of small talk. Learn the art of flirting. Learn how to understand people and what makes them do or say things or act in the way the do. But don't stalk them, that's illegal!

Tip #7: If you still need help, get a mentor!

If you're still struggling, get a mentor. Or simply find someone who you perceive to be successful at meeting women and dating and study them from a distance. Look at their actions, their body language and what it is they do that women find so appealing. This isn't just confined to relationships, it applies to everything in life. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

This cute lady agrees with me :)

Tips For Girls Who Want The Nice Guys

  • If you're a nice girl yourself, don't be afraid to make the first move also.
  • When nice guys talk to you, make sure your body language shows them that you are interested. Turn towards them and give them your full attention when talking to them.
  • Flirt a little bit from a distance (in your eyes) and also up close (lightly touch his hand when talking) as well as verbally.
  • Don't flirt with all the other boys because that gives out mixed messages and dilutes your previous efforts.
  • Don't scare the nice guy away by being full on or too forward though.
  • Start slow and give plenty of hugs :)
  • Be attentive to the nice guy's responses and give genuine compliments to build up his confidence. Don't be his mother or anything though.
  • Never assume that because a guy is nice that they are a pushover. Give them a chance, you may be surprised if they tell you to bugger off! LOL
  • Sometimes, if you are especially attractive, nice guys tend to assume you are out of their league or are probably taken. This is another reason why you should perhaps make the first move and be direct that you're a) single and b) interested in them!

Final Tips

Never get into a relationship that you know is just going to end later - that's like using the other person or stringing them along. It's delaying the inevitable and not fair on the other person. Never act desperate. If you become successful, never act arrogant either otherwise you'd have become a bad boy. This is not the aim (or maybe it is, that's your call!) Good luck. Let me know how you go!


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    • Mistressoflove profile image

      Mistressoflove 5 years ago from Rhode Island

      What a nice hub! In my own personal experience I always dated the bad boy i.e. the jerk until of course I put on my female glasses and looked around. So many nice guys out their just waiting for me to look there way. I can tell you this though even if a woman never puts those glasses on, the bad boy type gets played out very quickly. When you realize there all about looks and about themselves and have no heart it gets old quickly. I am a rooter for the nice guys. You got my support. So get'em tigger. ;) #nice guys rule!

    • jpelczar profile image

      jpelczar 5 years ago

      Nice guys finish last. The real question is why are men expected to work so hard to get the woman? A post in here said this is the 21st century. In the 21st century, shouldn't our society have evolved to a point where men aren't expected to make every move to get into a relationship with a woman? Where are the nice guys? They are all in hiding, tired of finishing last because women are looking for the bad boy. Great hub!

    • profile image

      Levertis 5 years ago

      Good guys who have been badly hurt by women who took advantage of their kindness usually over does it when trying to lead and take more control.

      After a friend married a woman, he wanted to start out being "the man." He told her, "I am the man, and you will do as I say!" She filed for divorce before they celebrated their first month of marriage. Instead of controlling situations, he attempted to control her.

      Great hub!

    • profile image

      Victor 5 years ago

      I don't know how 2 go about my own problem, but certainly i trust God am alright

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 6 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Please take it from an "older," fairly experienced and very wise woman....The REALITY of all of this, said simply and briefly is: MOST (not ALL) women want the "Hero/Teddy Bear" combination. Strong, Protective & Aggresive to the world......Sweet, Gentle & Loving to her! I promise you this combo is the No. 1 choice! But only if it's GENUINE! You can do it, men!!

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 6 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      You can be a good and sensitive man and still be aggressively assertive and sexy. This is the 21st century and a good and sensitive man can be anything he wants to be and still get the woman.

    • yshashikant profile image

      yshashikant 6 years ago from Mumbai

      Nice guys are friendly people which lack self confidence, start believing in yourself and thats where it all starts. The girls, flirts and everything you could have ever imagined.

    • Painter Penfield profile image

      Painter Penfield 6 years ago from Tampa Bay area Florida

      I like this hub and the comments as well. You have a fresh writing style that makes me snicker. I gather this is a popular subject as I was motivated to write one on bad boys as well.

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 7 years ago from Australia

      *waves* :)

    • profile image

      Jasmine JellyBaby 7 years ago

      And where in God's green land are the nice guys?? I certainly haven't met one in years! If anyone know where they are, toss 'em over here!!!!!

      Nice hub!

    • PDXBuys profile image

      PDXBuys 7 years ago from Oregon

      Hmm... OK, I was the nice guy but still managed to get the woman. After about a year she got mean and cold, so I stopped being nice and started being really mean. Then she dumped me. No winning with her...

    • Tim Blackstone profile image

      Tim Blackstone 7 years ago

      I can relate to a lot of what you say. It's a shame I didn't know it ten years ago but I guess that is why they call it the school of hard knocks.

      I think the basic problem is that nice guys, and nice girls, are just not exciting enough to generate that enthusiasm we all desire. Nice is nice but it isn't very stimulating.

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 7 years ago from Australia

      "Women never get a chance to Meet the Good Guy because he lacks the confidence to stand his ground"

    • SOLIQUITY profile image

      SOLIQUITY 7 years ago from USA

      animal attraction people... you are naturally attracted to either someone who completes you or someone just like you.. no in-between. relationships that take Many compromises are forced and not natural. @ richard ludwig, men that don't take hints and like straightforwardness require that type of Woman, a straightforward blunt all-in-your-face type of confident woman; which in turns is usually the Bad Girl or Misunderstood Type. @ Vic, some Women never get a chance to Meet the Good Guy because he lacks the confidence to stand his ground. I always have a saying that I tell all the guys who really want me, "If You Want Something, Then Go For It, Claim your Prize!" That is just what it takes sometimes, divine conquer... I am a Woman who is very unapproachable, by no means is this on purpose. I am quiet and I keep to myself so Men read that as Uninterested. N O T... I know it's hard, but I honestly don't think it supposed to be easy, then it would feel unworthy... I really like the hub, but ultimately, training must begin at childhood and if you're a grown man reading this because you need the help, please seek professional help also. Not saying that it's something wrong with you, just saying that there are some issues not Defined well here that may require further attention.. Good Job though Marco!!!!

    • robertaharden profile image

      Roberta S 7 years ago from California on the rocks

      To Vic: Viiiic, not true, not true!I am looking for a good guy and actually, unless I find one that is good and decent, I am NOT lowering myself to the nasty peeps out there either!How does that make you feel? You're not alone, trust me. There are good women out there who are looking for good men!

    • profile image

      Vic 7 years ago

      This is all insane! It's always the same thing. Girls claim they want a good guy but yet always run to the arms of the guys that mistreat them - and I simply refuse to lower myself to that. It's a hard lesson but it's clear now that decent guys like me really don't stand a chance unless we try to be something we're not. Never in my life could I have guessed I'd end up so lonely and miserable.

    • profile image

      awesome 7 years ago

      girls like confidence, strenght and a I dont give a sh#t attitude, the opposite of needy. Bad boys tend to have a lot of the above qualities.

    • profile image

      richard ludwig 7 years ago

      i find flirting a TURN OFF because the messages sent by it i am NOT able to process. i prefer women to be EXTREMELY BLUNT and to tell me what they are REALLY feeling.

    • profile image

      richard ludwig 7 years ago

      Don't scare the nice guy away by being full on or too forward though.

      i do NOT agree with that point - to me - a woman is a WHOLE LOT MORE attractive if she does total truth + cut the manure and get right down to brass tacks and the point as soon as she gets out of the gate. i prefer them to be straight up, full on, and VERY forward. to me - that is a serious turn on.

    • Ohanenye Stephen profile image

      Ohanenye Stephen 7 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

      Am heartily in love with this... Great hub !

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 7 years ago from Australia

      Totally agree Austinstar. Be yourself and don't try to impress or smother others. :)

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      You know this goes both ways, marco. I used to be so nice to guys I liked but that didn't work out too well. Then when I backed off and did my own thing, I found they liked me a lot better. So be yourself and don't try to impress or smother others. It works. Good hub. Good luck with the ladies!

    • profile image

      Dog On A Mission 7 years ago

      Its all true.

      It really shouldn't be that way, but it usually is.

      I just wish that women didn't feel compelled to test a guys boundaries and responses but unfortunately, they do!

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 8 years ago from Australia

      LMAO Audrevea, I was waiting for someone to point that line out :) I'd bet however that a nice guy CAN make a girl feel very special indeed, in more ways that one - and it would surprise the bad out of ya! lol Thanks for reading!

    • profile image

      Audrevea 8 years ago

      "You can't stay indoors all the time and play with your Wii"

      hahahahaaa ROFL

      This is such a great hub. It's true that bad boys have a certain appeal, but girls like to feel special and you only get that from the bad boys on a whim. At the end of the day you want a nice guy to come home to.

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 8 years ago from Australia

      Hey Madison22, that's a lovely story! Thanks for supporting the nice guys too! :)

    • Madison22 profile image

      Madison 8 years ago from NYC

      Very good hub, awesome tips! I must confess I use to always go for the bad boy type. Why? that would take to long to answer. Than one day I met the nicest guy and I was a little iffy at first but than I fell hard. Needless to say I married him. Hooray for the nice guys!

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 8 years ago from Australia

      hypnodude, thanks dude! Cheers Triplet Mom! (I'm actually trying to implement some of these myself at the moment...)

    • Triplet Mom profile image

      Triplet Mom 8 years ago from West Coast

      Love this hub! Great tips, hopefully some guys will start using them and soon.

    • hypnodude profile image

      Andrea 8 years ago from Italy

      Very good hub marco. You really explain how things works. I hope this hub will have a widespread audition as these skills are much needed.

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 8 years ago from Australia

      Hope they do! Thanks poetlorraine :)

    • profile image

      poetlorraine 8 years ago

      let's hope the men watch this video..... enjoyed the hub

    • marcofratelli profile image

      marcofratelli 8 years ago from Australia

      Thanks dohn121 & I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s :) I hope it does help other nice guys to find lurve! True too, it's not really limited to guys, it applies both ways.

    • I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s profile image

      I*n*v*i*c*t*u*s 8 years ago

      Great article and I can see these attributes/tips helping both men and women..

    • dohn121 profile image

      dohn121 8 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      If only I knew then what I know now...Yes, I was a nice guy too (at one time) until a COUPLE of girls used my heart as soccer/football ball that is. Great tips, Marco. I had fun reading this one!