- Gender and Relationships
Tips For Nice Guys (Why Good Girls Go For Bad Boys)
The Nice Guy
The nice guy is usually quiet, polite, well kept and would make a mother proud. He is smart and perhaps a little socially retarded! He is submissive. He does everything the girl wants because he doesn't want to upset her. He avoids confrontation where possible and tries hard get along with everyone. I considered myself one of these nice guys until experience taught me some lessons the hard way. The tips are mine and are based on my analysis of relationships from observation and experience. Also in part from tips I've been given by women. I'm no expert though and if you disagree I'd be interested to know your point of view and why.
Tip #1: Don't be a pushover. Stand up for yourself!
Do you know why good girls go for bad boys? One of the big reasons is that those bad boys don't give a hoot about anyone else but themselves. They'll tell the good girls to bugger off if they feel like it. They don't let anyone take advantage of them. They appear to be alpha males. At the same time, I'm sure the girls see it as a challenge to try and change these guys. It keeps things interesting and not boring. If you're a nice guy, don't always agree with the good girl. Don't always do whatever she wants to do. You need to stand up for yourself.
Tip #2: Take the lead. Don't be submissive!
Say "no" when you don't want to do something. You don't have to be a
bumhole about it, but do take the initiative and suggest something else you may both enjoy.
Also, if you want to have a beer with the boys, don't cancel your plans
to just because she wants to go see a chick flick. Spending time with
your other friends (yes, sometimes alone and not with her coming along)
is still as important as before you got into that relationship - they
may be the only ones left if the relationship goes sour. Taking the lead in many areas of the relationship in a way displays bravery and that you are in control. It also gives the girl confidence that you are someone willing to take the first step in unknown or scary situations should they arise.
Tip #3: You need to go out and make the first move.
Women are not going to be handed to you on a platter. You need to get out there and meet them. You can't stay indoors all the time and play with your Wii, no matter how much pleasure you get from that. And by going out, I don't mean go out with a bunch of your mates and sit around drinking without mingling and meeting new people. Trust me, if you approach a group of women and specifically introduce yourself to the one you fancy, it shows you've got balls cause everyone knows how scary that can be. She'll probably introduce you to all of her friends and stuff also. Now here's a special tip within a tip - the amount of effort you put in to get to know her friends is directly proportional to the amount of positive feedback her friends will give your potential partner about you...think about it.
Tip #4: If you really really like the girl, back off a bit.
When guys meet a girl they're really into, the instinct is to do everything that will work against them. They'll want to smother the girl with love and presents. They'll want to call all the time and spend hours and hours with her, forgetting everyone else in their life. DON'T do this. I realise it is going against what you feel like doing instinctively, but it will not help you. It often makes the girl feel suffocated and she backs away. Remember this from the first moment. If you approach a woman and you get rejected, don't act like it's a kick in the guts no matter how badly it feels that way. Take it on the chin and even act subtly nonchalant about it. Move on quickly! It just may cause her to take a second look.
Tip #5: Be confident.
I used to be very self depreciating, other people told me so. Now I'm fairly confident with who I am and worry a lot less about what other people think. Don't get me wrong, everyone has their insecurities, but at the same time it's important to realise that... everyone has insecurities! You're as unique as everybody else in that regard! That's why people should refrain from making fun of other people insofar as things they can't change (like their height). If you notice each other lacking confidence, put their mind at ease by offering a genuine compliment (I keep referring to these) and perhaps even offer up one of your own insecurities so you can move on. Be confident. If you don't love yourself, how would you expect someone else to?
Tip #6: Develop your social skills.
This only really comes with practice and overtime. Most of the time, you can take shortcuts by learning from good sources. Learn the art of small talk. Learn the art of flirting. Learn how to understand people and what makes them do or say things or act in the way the do. But don't stalk them, that's illegal!
Tip #7: If you still need help, get a mentor!
If you're still struggling, get a mentor. Or simply find someone who you perceive to be successful at meeting women and dating and study them from a distance. Look at their actions, their body language and what it is they do that women find so appealing. This isn't just confined to relationships, it applies to everything in life. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.
This cute lady agrees with me :)
Tips For Girls Who Want The Nice Guys
- If you're a nice girl yourself, don't be afraid to make the first move also.
- When nice guys talk to you, make sure your body language shows them that you are interested. Turn towards them and give them your full attention when talking to them.
- Flirt a little bit from a distance (in your eyes) and also up close (lightly touch his hand when talking) as well as verbally.
- Don't flirt with all the other boys because that gives out mixed messages and dilutes your previous efforts.
- Don't scare the nice guy away by being full on or too forward though.
- Start slow and give plenty of hugs :)
- Be attentive to the nice guy's responses and give genuine compliments to build up his confidence. Don't be his mother or anything though.
- Never assume that because a guy is nice that they are a pushover. Give them a chance, you may be surprised if they tell you to bugger off! LOL
- Sometimes, if you are especially attractive, nice guys tend to assume you are out of their league or are probably taken. This is another reason why you should perhaps make the first move and be direct that you're a) single and b) interested in them!
Never get into a relationship that you know is just going to end later - that's like using the other person or stringing them along. It's delaying the inevitable and not fair on the other person. Never act desperate. If you become successful, never act arrogant either otherwise you'd have become a bad boy. This is not the aim (or maybe it is, that's your call!) Good luck. Let me know how you go!
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