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Tips For A Successful Relationship

Updated on February 5, 2013
Hug
Hug | Source

People Need People

Many people desperately want a successful romantic relationship. Human beings are not singular creatures. We thrive and grow with positive personal interactions and affection.

There have been hundreds of thousands of books written and dating services provided for those in search of finding someone to harmoniously share their life with. There are many factors that affect the success of relationships and need to be considered.

The big issues that people are most aware of are:

  • Religion
  • finances
  • parenthood
  • and sex

If a couple agrees on those things they should be all set right? Well, maybe not. There are more subtle factors to be aware of that can slowly chip away at any relationship and eventually disintegrate it.

Tips For Success

7 tips to a successful relationship are:

  1. Acknowledge expectations
  2. Communicate
  3. Pick your battles
  4. Make time for each other
  5. Daily reminders
  6. Don’t lose yourself
  7. Support each other

Expectations

Lose the predetermined expectations of what you think a successful relationship should look like.

The desire to be close to other people is an instinctual part of who we are but navigating the relationships themselves is a learned behavior.

Each person has a predisposed idea of what they think the perfect relationship and perfect partner should look like.

These ideas come from many different places but they are typically rooted in childhood. Most people’s ideas are molded by their parents or grandparents, using them as either an example as what to do or what not to do. Other people form ideas from a variety of places such as books, television shows or simply couples they see on a casual basis.

If it looks like someone actually figured out the secret to happiness, people will try to do what they do to have what they have.

Every relationship is as different and unique as the people in them. There is no cookie cutter formula for what a relationship needs to be successful. The dynamic that works for one couple many never work for another.

It is very important to discuss what each person in the relationships expectations are and find a balance that works for both people. This includes things like household chores, child rearing, finances, free time and romance.

Unmet Expectations

Example:

If the wife assumed her husband would quit watching football every Sunday once they got married and he assumes his wife is fine with him going because it had never been an issue, they will both get angry and feel betrayed by the other.

The most common reason for disappointment is unrealized expectations.

Communicate
Communicate | Source

Communicate

Communication is the number one priority in any lasting relationship. This includes full disclosure about who you are and what you need.

Very few people are actually married to mind readers.

When you are happy, excited, sad, hurt or angry, tell your partner. Your spouse is there to help you, comfort you and celebrate with you. If one person isn’t openly sharing how they are feeling or what they need because they think their partner should just figure it out, they will both end up frustrated and confused.

Resentment can fester when the person you are with doesn’t respond the way you feel they should have to any given situation. Deep rooted resentment and hurt feelings will breed discontent and isolation.

This makes open communication even harder the next time and the cycle will continue until it becomes a tangled emotional mess.

Pick Your Battles

The occasional argument is a part of any relationship but the little picking and bickering can wear down even the closest of couples. Things like leaving the cap off the toothpaste or forgetting to put gas in the car can be mildly irritating but, they aren’t reason enough to insult or degrade your spouse.

If one person in a relationship nags and complains about everything, it is less likely that they will be taken seriously when they have an issue that is truly important to them and the relationship.

If everything your partner does is beginning to irritate you to a large degree, it might be time to find a quiet place alone and honestly ask yourself what the real problem is. It almost certainly won’t be any of the little things that you’re complaining about.

Personal Time

Life can get very busy as our families and responsibilities grow. It is imperative that couples take the time to remember why they like each other.

Remembering the sweet, funny and passionate sides of your spouse should be a top priority. That bond will guide you through the rest.

The happiest couples find the time to play, laugh and just enjoy each other.

Maybe you have 30 minutes every night after the kids go to bed or once a week during date night. The only rule is, there is no talking about kids, bills, in-laws or work.

This can really increase the intimacy and happiness for all.

As part of a couple, it is that union that gives you the strength to handle anything else life throws at you. If we don’t take care of our relationships, we won’t have that support and everything else will become harder as well.

Love Journal
Love Journal | Source

Daily Reminders

Some couples don’t get to see each other every day or if they do, it’s only for a moment or two due to work and kid schedules. This doesn’t mean that the connection between the pair will automatically get lost but there is a higher risk of that happening.

There are a few daily things that can help keep the communication and connection intact.

  • Designate a journal or a simple notebook for both people to write something every day. This can be as simple as a short love note of appreciation or wishing the person has a good day. The words should always be positive and uplifting.
  • Send a daily text message, voice mail or quick email that compliments your spouse. This one should be separate from any appointment or grocery store reminders.
  • Hug for 30 seconds every day. It may sound simple but, the daily physical contact will recharge and connect you both.

It only takes a few minutes a day to nurture a healthy, happy relationship. Everyone has time for that.

Support
Support | Source

Support

Support each other’s individuality. When people become part of a couple, they can introduce each other to new ideas, different views and new experiences which can be very intriguing.

There are some things that couples will find they enjoy together or agree on during this initial phase. Inevitably there will also be some things that the other person doesn’t enjoy or agree with. That’s ok because you are with an individual, not a carbon copy of yourself.

It is important to continue to share the things about yourself and your interests with your spouse. Your partner doesn’t have to be directly involved in the activity with you, but you should tell them about the good things and bad things, etc.

Sharing all aspects of your life and your passions is part of being an intimate couple. Each person’s feelings should be considered and validated by the person they are closest to in the world.

A husband may not have any interest in doing his wife’s job but, he should listen to her when she wants to talk about her day and know enough about it to understand what she is talking about.

At the same time, the wife may not enjoy playing golf but if it is a passion of her husbands, she should help schedule times for her husband to go and refrain from making him feel guilty about it or putting it down.

It’s ok to like different music or movies. It’s ok to have separate hobbies. These things are part of who your spouse is and what is important to them.

Love Note
Love Note | Source

Individuality

It is easy to engross yourself in your spouse and your relationship but over time your individuality can get lost.

When couples decide to get married, they are choosing to share their lives with the other person. Sharing your life with someone means just that, it doesn’t mean that one or both people completely change their lives or who they are.

Of course there may be certain concessions that need to be taken to respect the other person’s feelings and the marriage itself but no one should be expected to change as a whole.

When someone gets married or becomes a parent their responsibilities grow and their hearts expand. At the core of all of it, they are still individuals. Don’t lose yourself.

Totally Worth It

A successful relationship can simultaneously be the most rewarding and challenging adventure in a person’s life. There is no greater gift than to find someone who lifts you up and makes you a better version of yourself.

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Most polls list communication as the number one reason for divorce....or I should say lack of communication. I believe it!

      Great hub and very helpful suggestions!

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 4 years ago from Washington

      Thank you billybuc! I couldn't agree with you more :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      .....words well spoken here although every couple live under a different spell so to speak and have a different set of rules to live by but you certainly offer us a world class presentation in journalistic writing and helpful tips (although like life itself - a lot of it is just plain old fashioned common sense and respect) ... have you ever thought of writing for a top flight magazine like Cosmopolitan or Vogue or Vanity Affair - you definitely have what it takes as your writing is self assured, enlightening and built on solid information -sending you warm wishes and good energy from lake erie time ontario canada 9:00am with some nice light classical music, my 2nd cup of coffee and a sunny morning but fall like temperatures by the lake.

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 4 years ago from Washington

      Thank you epigramman for your kind words and confidence! I am more than a little jealous about your view and position near that beautiful lake. Enjoy it for us all :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      ...yes I live 100 feet or so from the lake with the lakeshore road inbetween and there is always a beautiful sandbar in the water every summer from May to October which is the length of the time that I go into the water everyday - in fact I am going in right now for a quick dip and will continue to do so until October because the water is warmer than the air and when you come out you must towel dry right away.

      The lake looks like a wild ocean today with a stiff breeze and as far as the eye can see there is just more water (lol) but 47 miles across from me is your country - and Erie, Penn.

      lake erie time 11:30am

    • manthy profile image

      Mark 4 years ago from Alabama,USA

      Well written Hub - voted up & awesome, keep up the good work

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 4 years ago from Washington

      Thank you! :)

    • dinkan53 profile image

      dinkan53 4 years ago from India

      Thanks for sharing this useful article and I'm going to take these into account for sure. Voted.

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 4 years ago from Washington

      Thank you dinkan53! :)

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Dear roxanne,

      Your writing is meaningful and shows that you have your priorities in wonderful check. These are comprehensive, excellent, and authentic tips-- inspirational read. Voted UP and UABI.

    • roxanne459 profile image
      Author

      Roxanne Lewis 4 years ago from Washington

      Thank you marcoujou! I deeply respect your opinion and appreciate your comment :)

    • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

      Marcy Goodfleisch 4 years ago from Planet Earth

      I like how you tied in our expectations to the dynamics of our relationships. So often, we have an idea of how things 'should' be, and we overlook the need to see how they really are and learn how they relate to our lives and support us. Voted up!

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