ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Tips for Living Together

Updated on March 4, 2019
Saul Grandier profile image

master in political science from ULA. Currently studying a PHD in political science at USB

Living as a couple is very complicated. Here's my first tip: Do not underestimate its complication. If you doubt it, simply answer these two questions:

1. Do you love your parents?

2. You want to continue living with your parents?

I bet you answered a resounding “Yes” to the first question, and a resounding “No” to the second question, and that alone explains the complicated of the cohabitation as a couple: we can love someone and even then we do not want to live with that person.

The statistics are there; more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 100% of people who marry believe they will be the exception. It is irrational optimism. We can also come to believe that we will never get fatter, and more irrationally, some even think that they will never get old, that they will be a strange phenomenon of nature.

Know yourself

Ask yourself this:

Am I actually reading something?

Am I actually practicing any sport?

Do I have a hobbie?

Am I learning a second language?

Many people overestimate themselves and believe they know themselves. There are behaviors we are not aware of. If you are an anxious person you will look for a slave in your partner. If you are a very liberal person you will always see an anxious person in your partner.

Maybe you do not have material to be monogamous, for routine, to form a family.

Besides, tastes and preferences change: When you are 30 years old you will hate things that you loved when you were 20 years old, and between those things your partner could be. Our body and our mind take drastic turns.

Here is another tip: do not rush into living as a couple; Living as a couple in the long run is another form of masturbation. Try to live as a couple after 30, after enjoying your youth.

When you do not know yourself, you run the terrible risk of confronting this dilemma sooner or later: choose between your own happiness and the happiness of your family; and you will choose the first because you will prefer to hate yourself than to hate your family.

I have to say that more than knowing yourself, what you should do is improve yourself.

Before going on I want to recommend three excellent books on the subject: The second sex by Simone de Beauvoir (I strongly believe that this is a book that every woman should read); The art of loving by Erich Fromm, and Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Gray. Adictionally, Escape from Freedom by Erich Fromm (in fact all of Fromm's works are recommended).

Meet your partner

You want to know how your partner would be if you have children. Well, adopt a puppy. This will give you a pretty accurate idea of what your relationship will be like when you have a child. Thanks to the existence of a puppy you can know if your partner has material to live under stress and share rights and duties. The scenarios are endless. Just imagine that your partner was the one who had the idea of having a puppy but resists taking it out for a walk because your partner is lazy. You have two options: you walk to the dog or fights so that your partner can walk the pet. If you choose the first option, you may end up walking the puppy every day for many years while your partner is just playing with the puppy and only when he wants.

In short, adopting a puppy will be a kind of test to know what your partner is made of. Try to predict your partner’s and your own future behavior.

Short-term memory

This is fundamental. Sometimes we say or do really hurtful things and we really did not mean to say it, or we just make mistakes. Well, if your partner says something that should not or does something should not, but immediately he/she apologizes; then you must overcome the grievance, and turn the page. If it is you who said it, then apologize. If your partner does not accept your apology or apologizes but does not turn the page, you should consider such an attitude seriously because sooner or later you will be mentally exhausted.

In short, do not get involved in superficial problems and, above all, do not keep it in your memory and then reproach your partner.

Activities and characteristics in common

Forget about Titanic, forget about Pretty Woman. Unlike the Disney and Hollywood stories, the diametrical differences of couples can generate irreconcilable differences.

In my articles on political science, I talked about the importance of social locations to determine the political tendency of people. Well, social locations also serve to calculate the stability of a relationship as a couple.

Social class, education, age, among other factors should be taken into account when choosing a couple. I consider the first three factors very important. The social class determines tastes and interests. For example: Someone who is a lover of reading will want her/his partner to be so in order to share opinions about a certain novel or work; and he/she will not want a person who does not even want to read a comic strip. Anyone who likes sports will want their partner to also practice sports together, and will not want a person who can not climb the stairs without feeling that they are dying.

A considerable difference in social class could also bring you serious differences with your in-laws- family (and romantic movies are not wrong about this).

Education is also key to developing interests and also to manage conflicts. Some research has determined that at a lower level of education greater difficulty in dealing peacefully with conflict situations. People with low educational level will try to solve conflicts through violence.

On the other hand, of course the differences also have their charm, I could not deny it. That a person develops a passion with art, with science, or with some sport, makes him/her interesting in the eyes of his partner; and allows that partner to know worlds he/she did not know, allows that partner to explore other cultures, other perspectives; it allows that partner to be more empathetic, more cosmopolitan, and less egocentric.

We can make two general rule. First rule: if you support status quo, if you are conservative, then try to stablish a relationship with someone with similar social locations, culture, nationality. But if you are open minded then you could try to establish relationships where there is a lot of diversity..

Second rule: If you are a person who has answered the four questions in the "Know yourself" section then surely you are a liberal and do not want to control anyone or being controlled by anyone. You want a partner to share, for company, but not to have a sadomasochistic relationship.

Respect personal space

Definitely you have to respect personal space. Each one of us needs something of intimacy, of solitude; a truly happy and free person is one who knows how to enjoy solitude. If you do not know how to enjoy your loneliness then you are not looking for a partne but for someone who can calm your fear of loneliness. That happens with many people, especially with women, who confuse love with the fear of loneliness.

If your partner knows how to enjoy her/him personal space but you do not, you will be generating a problem, and also a problem to your relationship. It is assumed that a relationship consists in helping each other for personal and mutual development.

Living together is a contract

Beyond love, living as a couple is a contract. When you decide to live with someone you practically found a company where each member must do their work for the individual and collective wellness. If you are not committed to the company, nor your partner, then the company will fail.

Many people make the decision to live together for an emotional impulse. That is a fatal mistake. You do not found a company because of an emotional impulse. It is something thought coldly. You should really consider the advantages and disadvantages of living with that person you love and not underestimate what might happen in the short, medium and long term. Please avoid irrational optimism.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      13 months ago from Chicago

      "The statistics are there; more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 100% of people who marry believe they will be the exception." That's a very true statement!

      In fact every couple who plans to have children also don't imagine having a child with mental/physical challenges or one who grows up to be a murderer, addict, or indulge in various criminal behavior.

      And yet we hear about issues with overcrowding in jails/prisons.

      Truth be told very few people's lives resemble the fairytale.

      When it comes to moving in together most couples do so for practical reasons. One person mentions they're always together and yet they're paying two sets of rent, utilities, and so on.

      Usually there is no talk about marriage or anything along those lines it's just a practical decision between two people enjoy each other's company.

      It's the equivalent of having a roommate you have sex with.

      However once the relationship is on the rocks that's when you realize if you're both on the lease there is a legal contractual obligation. You may not be able to simply back a bag and leave.

      In a perfect scenario the lease ends around the same time as the relationship. The next best thing is if the person who is staying can afford to pay the rent alone or find a new roommate quickly.

      In the worst case scenario the lease is broken and a civil lawsuit takes place in order for the person left holding the bag to attempt to get money owed them in the event they ex chose to abandon them.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)