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Identifying The Right Spouse

Updated on September 28, 2015

One of the main problem in the modern dating world is identifying the right partner.Millions have been disappointed and thousands have been deceived. It means wasting your precious time and money. It means ending up with a broken heart. The pain be the cause of unexplainable poor health. Separation means damaging the life of the kids that you may have and even unending legal cases of the properties you have earned the hard way.Marriage is an institution that was designed to last forever. Getting the right partner is very much possible if you follow the right steps.

Being together forever

Couple | Source

Dating before saying 'I do'

Wedding photo
Wedding photo | Source

1. Let the dating be your eye opener

Many people enter into relationships as a result of lust. They are only attracted to the physical person they see in you. They do not care about the emotions, spirituality etc about you. Ironically, these are the key things that matters most. Do not be in hurry to settle with that handsome man or beautiful woman that you saw. All these are fake and will only matter less when it comes to settling down. Marriage is like an institution which you enter after getting the right marks. Dating should be your learning field. Make sure that you capture as much as possible about your partner. This information will be crucial when making the final judgment.

2. Understand weaknesses and strengths

Strengths and weaknesses are the key things that determine how well a couple suits each other.Failing to understand the strength or weaknesses of your man or woman to be means that you are setting your relationship on a sandy foundation. You will be caught offguard when you will get to know that your partner can never do this or that. He or she gets very angry, he or she does not tolerate this or that.So how can you know the strength and weaknesses of a person? It is simple; ask some simple questions which will give you a hint. Dating should also be your good opportunity to test waters. How did she or he react when you deliberately failed to receive a call? Did she look understanding? How did he react when you were late for dinner?. How did she or he solve the last disagreement that you had. These are the things which can help you understand the strengths and weaknesses of your man or woman before you commit yourself to some serious matters.

Having some common interests is important

Common interests bring couple together
Common interests bring couple together | Source

3. Understand the interest and hobbies of your partner

Hobbies and interests are the things which can bring you together or separate you. Knowing what your man or woman likes is as important as knowing the right key to your door. Imagine being in a marriage relationship with a person whose every interest seems to be different from yours? What then will bring you close to each other than sex or children?. Children and sex are not sufficient reasons why you should be close to your man or woman. Find whether there are some other genuine things which will make you walk together, reason together etc.

4. Never cheat yourself that you will change the person

Many people make this great mistake of believing that they can change their partners. The main argument here is that you can never get a 100% match. It is true I also agree but my main worry is where will that 30% or 40% take you? Will you spend the rest of your life trying to change an adult woman or man?. I don’t think that this can work. It will mean that you try to change yourself so as to match his or her qualities, but for how long are you going to live this fake life of being the person you were not made to be?

Do not use properties to impress a partner

Luxury yacht
Luxury yacht | Source

5. Be the real you

Always be the real you. Do not try to impress your partner with the things that you can never sustain for the rest of your marriage relationship. I have seen people who borrow cars from friends inorder to impress a woman or man. Why hide the real you? If you don’t have money you don’t have money. Meet her in the simplest way that you can afford. If she or he is of your type, he /she will get to understand that you don’t have this or that but you have that great heart that she or he would die for. Let the genuine and permanent reasons form the foundation of your relationship. Basing it on temporary reasons means that it will just disappear like a drawing on a sand surface when the storms come.

6.Do your own homework

One of the other problems with people who rush to settle for marriage is that they trust every word that comes from the wife or husband to be. They have got no time to do their home work.As I had already said earlier, marriage being an institution; you will need to assess your partner in order to see whether he or she gets the right grade. Do not be so desparate to set some low grades as the pass mark as this will come back to haunt on you. Gather information from the trusted sources about your partner. Trusted sources may be his/ her social accounts. Check for hints like previous relationship wrangles, the social circles he or she may be in etc. They will help you know the kind of person you want to commit your life to. Surprise visits also do work. Never let your partner about the every visit.


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    • Lipnancy profile image

      Nancy Yager 

      3 years ago from Hamburg, New York

      Many good points. Ge to know how they recat in all situations and ask the question, do I want to live with this forever? Forever is a long time.

    • B Brian Hill profile image

      B Brian Hill 

      3 years ago

      I wish that I would have known these things 30 years ago. It would have saved me tremendous heartbreak, and my life's savings.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      3 years ago

      Your statement: "One of the main problem in the modern dating world is identifying the right partner." This is very true!

      In fact I believe the #1 cause for divorce is (choosing the wrong mate) for oneself. However the mistake a lot of people make is focusing on the other person rather than themselves. You have to really know (you)!

      It makes no sense to pursue a relationship with anyone until you figure out (who you are), (what you want) and (need) in a mate for life.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them as (is) or move on. The choice is up to us!

      Many people allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate their relationship choices. It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.

      One old adage goes: "If it's on my plate I must have ordered it."

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      If you are experiencing one bad relationship after another it's probably time you re-examined your "mate selection criteria".

      After all the only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is (you).

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least there is a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys! :)


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