- Gender and Relationships
Refused to Be Used by "User - Friendly" People
Tips on how to refuse "user-friendly" friends
Stop playing the martyr - banish the user friendly gals in your life right now!
If you're always complying with your friends' demand, you might just be giving them the license to take advantage of you. Beware, there's such as thing as being too nice. Are you chums with someone who fits any of the profiles below? If yes, then better watch out!
THE DEBTOR: You're at a Zara sale and she asks you to add some money or pay for a killer pair of jeans. You oblige thinking that she'll pay you as soon as she can. Five gimmicks (and loans) later you still haven't gotten your bucks back. Did she really forget, or is it time to collect.
- COLLECT!: Contrary to popular belief, it's not rude to ask for something righfully yours - as long as the place and timing are right. Keep it private, and be assertive but not demanding. Say, "I hope it's okay if I ask for the money I lent you before, 'cause I really need right now." It would be a lot easier if you provide an excuse for why you need it, especially if you're still uncomfortable with the whole idea of asking.
The Classic: This is the stuff teen movies are made of. Mean girls thrive because of nice people like you. They order you around, laugh at your expense, and pretend to be nice at your face, despite multiple back stabs. You're grateful you're part of their clique, but at what cost?
- LEAVE: If you're always stressed and on your toes, then you better quit pretending they're your girl friends. Do yourself a favor and find the friendship you deserve, one where you can be yourself.
The Pysch Patient. Your girl friend can't seem to function without confiding in you. Sure it's great that she trust you that much, but waking you up at three in the morning for a boy problem? You better tell her you're not her love doctor.
- SET LIMITS: Constantly calling you up at ungodly hours without thinking of your condition is unfair, even between the best of friends. There's a right time for everything, and the only way to set things in perspective is honesty. If it's not life-threatening, reschedule your talk to a better time (when you're actually awake), or just say you don't think you're the right person to give her advice - instead of getting blamed later on for misguiding her.
Little Miss Can-I-Have?
The worst thing about generosity is when others abuse it. Since when did you become your seat mate's school supply provider? It's fine to give a lot, but not everything you've got!
- STASH AWAY! It's pop quiz time, and he's / she's "out of paper" again. Instead of bringing the entire notepad to school, just take right amount for yourself. That way, you can honestly say, "Sorry, I only have enough."
The Freeloader. You have another group activity and everyone selects you as their leader. The Freeloader knows you're going to do everything yourself, for the good of the team. In the end, he / she just goes along for the ride and benefits from all your hard work.
- DELEGATE. You're a leader, not a slave! A good leader knows how to assign tasks, implement deadlines, and be firm. Choosing not to be teamed with your pals is also a good way of encouraging new ideas. Because let's face it: always being paired with the same people could get monotonous and unproductive - especially if it's the save wavelengths all over again.
The Damsel in Distress. Are your her scapegoat or alibi when she's been a bad girl ? Are you blamed for all her mistakes? That is just wrong. If he manages to get into trouble, he should know how to get himself out of it?
- QUIT LYING. Next time she asks you to cover up for her, simply refuse. Tell her you're tire of comprising your conscience and reputation for something you didn't do This way, she learns to be responsible for her actions, and you cut yourself some slack.
The Bridge. We've all heard this before - he likes her, but you like him. He calls you only when it's past curfew, and even ask you for tips on how he can get her to like him. Even though it breaks your heart, you give in - it's the only way you'll get close to him anyway. Sigh.
- STOP TORTURING YOURSELF. The right way to play match matchmaker is when you don't feel miserable about what you're doing. But if you're too emotionally involved, it's time to bail out! It's also wrong of you to think that playing "bridge" is the only way you can get close to the guy you like, Build your confidence by getting out of this situation - and setting your sights on an awesome guy who doesn't make you feel like second best.
What if it's YOU who's user-friendly?
Tsk.Tsk. You've been a bad girl! You may not know it, but abusing your friends' goodness may leaded to social and emotional repercussions. Here are tips to banish your user-friendly ways.
1. Acknowledge that there's problem. If you friends act aloot or unnatural around you, don't be dense. Think back and asses the times when you became excessively demanding or difficult and own up to them to make it up to your pals.
2. Figure out the reason. Why ask your girl friend to lie for you, or do the menial tasks that you can handle yourself? Why ask for money if you have your own allowance? Are you that big a spender? Most of the time, it's a simple case of power-tripping or avoiding your own issues. Once you've figured out the problem, solve it proactively.
3. Skip the shortcut. As cliché as it may sound, achieving your goal will give you greater satisfaction if you know, you really worked hard for it. Learn to be more independent and skip the easy wat out - it's time to DIY.