How to have harmony in marriage? Sync together like in ballet!
Look in the same direction!
‘Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.’ –James C. Dobson
The success of any marriage is in the togetherness you enjoy with your spouse. The more you are together, the more compatible you become.
What does togetherness mean in marriage?
Is it possible for you to be with your spouse 24\7?
Impossible, you will say. I agree to that. You will be physically apart, each doing your own work.
- But when at home, are you together?
- Do you interact with ease with your spouse?
- Do you eat together?
- Do you watch TV together?
- Do you spend quality time with your children?
Most of you cannot say ‘yes’ to these questions. When you return home tired from a day of hectic work, you feel drained and tired. You are very sensitive and raw from the tension you had in your work place and you want to relax. What does relaxation mean to you? You want to be on your own watching TV, browsing the net or just taking rest.
Can you see how your spouse or your children do not come into your mind when you think of relaxation? Why is it so? It is because when you are with your spouse your conversation invariably centers around some important family issues and both of you have diversified thoughts about how to deal with it. It starts as an argument till it becomes harsh and bitter as your fatigue and tiredness add fuel to it. So you feel it is always a safe bet to on your own and so you talk only when necessary. This is why marriages lack the harmony it needs to make it a great success.
How then can you have harmony in your married life?
- You must interact.
- You must discuss.
- You must spend quality time together.
- You must have mutual respect.
- You must share your feelings.
- You must be connected in your thoughts with your spouse 24\7
Have you seen some couples? They stay together in the same house, but they are poles apart in thoughts and action. There is no true bond of love in their relationship. They interact when necessary, go out together when there is a need, but they do not have the necessary harmony to make their married life worthwhile and meaningful.
Nurture your relationship
In marriage you need to nurture your relationship with your spouse to enjoy it to the full. Unless you make efforts to make your marriage vibrate with love and care, it will soon peter out into a life which has no true substance. Togetherness here does not mean the physical presence of being in the same place. The meaning here is totally different as it is related to your mind, and both should feel the vibration of love in your inner mind.
You might be working in a different country, but when your thoughts are always with your family and if you yearn for their proximity, you have excellent mental harmony with your spouse, an essential ingredient for an exceptional relationship.
‘I think togetherness is a very important ingredient to family life. It’s a cliché and we use it too much, but I think for a husband and wife the way to stay close is to do things together and share’- Barbara bush
Share your thoughts
Yes, sharing of your thoughts spells magic and success for your marriage. You thoughts should synchronize with that of your spouse. Have you watched a ballet dance? Have you seen how the dancers fluidly coordinate their dancing movements in perfect harmony with their partner and present a beautiful picture of grace and aesthetic treat? Imagine the dancers dancing at their own will! How will the dance look? It will be completely out of focus and disoriented.
Sync like in a ballet dance
Like in the ballet dance, your thoughts and action should synchronize with that of your spouse. Does that mean husband and wife should not have any individual tastes and wishes? You need not sacrifice your individuality to present a picture of peaceful harmony in your marriage. In fact the freedom to be you is also an essential formula for a successful marriage.
Are you a North Pole?
Is your spouse a South Pole?
If so, how can you coexist together in love? The vision of both should be united in love, compatibility, tolerance and incessant communication. Togetherness in times of stress, united in diversity, close in heart even while working in different places is the gateway to many years of happy marriage.
Join hands with your spouse
If your spouse faces any problem, you must be the first to join hands with him\her to handle it. If your spouse wants to share his\her problems with only you, you have won the battle hands down. But if when your spouse does not trust you and turn to others for a solution then your marriage is off the track and it needs immense efforts on your part to put it right back in its trail.
Be together in thought
So you can see togetherness does not mean physical proximity here, but togetherness of thought. Couples have physical proximity in that they live in the same house, but lack proximity in thoughts. Looking the same direction, holding hands in stress, pulling each other out of problems will weave a magic aura in your married life. Is it a difficult thing to do?
© 2013 mathira