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To Lose One's Own Virginity or Not: That Is The Question

Updated on May 9, 2012

It Has Been A While...

but I am back! Anyway, I was on my iPod Touch and I went to a website, which discusses celeb gossip, beauty and hair tips for people of color and advice on various matters. One young lady in particular wanted some advice from Terrance Dean, an outspoken, tell-it-like-it-is gay male about her situation, which you can read here.

The young lady and her boyfriend were together for nine months and throughout their relationship, he kept pressuring her to have sex. However, she wanted to keep her virginity because she believed in abstaining until marriage. After eight months, he ended the relationship due to his inability to wait. One day, he texted her and wanted to "talk things over". She then said she had to go to college the next day, but he insisted that they talk on his time. Worried, she came to his house, and he said that he wanted to just lay with her in the nude. She complied with him and one thing led to another. She thought that by losing her virginity to her boyfriend, he will see that she truly loved him and that he would change. A few weeks later, she found out that she was pregnant and everything was fine with the boyfriend. However, he grew more distant and arguing with her about petty things and she wants to know what to do. While Terrance Dean already gave her some advice in a way that is helpful and "telling it like it is" in a way that one would want to say, but it afraid to, I also have some insights on this letter as well as a message to my readers about when to lose one's virginity.

This Letter Has Some Loopholes...

Sometimes I wonder if people read what they typed in before asking for advice, because sometimes, the answer is right in front of you. So let me get this straight: this young lady is in a relationship with a man that pressured her to have sex and then assumed that when he started taking off her clothes that he just wanted to "lay with you naked" and thought, "at least he didn't want to screw me"? This young man is not only immature, but he manipulated her emotionally, physically and spiritually. He knew when she got to his house that she was vulnerable and would do just about anything to have him in her life. Guys can sense it and they know the type of woman to play that game with. And the young lady fell for that trap easily because that was exactly what was on her mind: she wanted to have sex with him so he could still be in her life and to show "her love for him". It wasn't successful on her part because she is pregnant and he has no interest in her and their unborn child.

The Point Is, Virginity is...

Something that no one should take for granted. A person should not give their virginity away to someone else out of pressure from either your mate, friends or the media. It is your body, your decision. If a person wants to maintain their decision to stay a virgin until they are married or in a serious relationship, they should not let anyone dictate their decision. If the person truly loves you, he or she will wait for you. And do you know why they would wait? Because they know in their heart that you are worth waiting for. If a mate is pressuring you to have sex, guess what? He or she is NOT THE ONE FOR YOU. The young lady has felt the pressure to lose her virginity from her so-called boyfriend and not once she has thought about what was his intentions nor the consequences.

Before You Choose To Lose Your Virginity...

  • Know your partner's intentions. Does he or she see the relationship far into the future (i.e marriage) or a temporary fling and is he or she genuine? Always listen to your gut as well as your head.
  • Please get educated on your sex facts. Know about all the STDs and the risk of pregnancy. If you want to be 100% sure, get your partner tested. And always use protection at all times.
  • And speaking of pregnancy, if you choose to have sex, make sure you see yourself with the person for the rest of your life in case either you end up pregnant or you get someone pregnant.
  • Weight out the consequences and distinguish the difference between true love and the feeling of being in love. True love is a spiritual, emotional, physical and mental bond between two people as opposed to the feeling of being in love. Feeling of being in love is just a feeling of euphoria. It does not necessary mean that the person also loves you back.
  • Also, weigh in on the emotional consequences if for example, you and this person breaks up. Are you mature enough to handle it?

All those components will have to be considered before making that decision. Because like they say, once it is gone, you will never get back. Remember, having and maintaining your virginity is a great thing to have. Don't ever take that for granted.


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    • shaynadc89 profile image

      Shayna Cacho 5 years ago from Brooklyn, NY, Living in Delaware

      @andrekennedyjr Thanks and I really appreciate your feedback and I definitely liked your post about black women! And I am following you as we speak :)

    • andrekennedyjr profile image

      andrekennedyjr 5 years ago from Washington D.C.

      This is a good post.You are a very talented writer and I will be following you. Please do me the same way.