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To Really Love a Wife - Her Interests and Happiness
I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.
— Seth Adam Smith's DadMarriage is simple if we focus on the most important aspect of it, devotion/loyalty. Love is good, but romantic love evolves over time. With that love must come devotion to the covenant of marriage with a focus on our part in making life better for our spouse who in turn is focusing on that same thing for us. Wives are our best friends.
Seth Adam Smith wrote a now-famous blog post where he said about his wife
I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family. 1
Marriage isn't for you alone, but for you and your spouse. Seth mentioned what he wanted from his wife and what he was willing to give. That is the beginning of a great relationship.
Focusing on what we can do to bring our wives happiness does not mean we subvert our own but include our best friends as much as we would want them to include what makes us happy as their own. Let's review that in this article.
Seek out Her best interests and submit to Her happiness above your own!
We seek the interests of our wives by finding out what they like and what they dislike. That is simple enough isn't it? My wife likes R & B music. I do not per se. What do I do? Well, I do not give her grief about her music any more. It makes her feel good to listen to it. I purchased her a disc of music that includes several songs that she absolutely loves. It makes her happy and it is legal!
It is that simple to find out what she likes and be aware of it so that you can help her get as much of what she is interested in as she can. You should make sure you are aware of your wife's political views, music tastes, hobbies, passions, intimate favorites, and any other particulars. Being aware does not mean we must agree with it all. It means we know of those things because we love and respect our wives and are interested in providing outlets to their enjoyment.
I promise you that if you focus on making your wife happy, you will find that she is of the same opinion regarding your happiness.
Submit to their happiness above your own. All joking and smart little cheeky comments aside, we are men by how we submit our will to the will of our wives. I do mean submit as in to put aside our desires, wants, and occasionally needs so that she can be happier. All this must occur in reason. Of course, we don't skip taking a medicine that will sustain us so that our wife can say that she is happy that we don't take meds!
If you have to ask why I will tell you. I ask why often myself! I love her. I love my wife and nothing makes me happier than to see her smile. It intoxicates me to see that smile. I do not give in to her every whim, but just about! If I say "no" to her, because of how I have treated her, she will know that there is some extenuating circumstance that supersedes my desire to please--at least I hope she knows!
There is no exact science for it, but the will must be present in our hearts to forsake our pleasure for her pleasure. We as men must be secure enough about ourselves to love our wives. We must work out our insecurities so that we can stand firm for her just as in the movies--the old ones. That does not mean we hide the truth from her! That is more insulting to do. It means we get the psychological or emotional help we need WITH her support so that we can serve her.
What about my needs? I promise you that if you focus on making your wife happy, you will find that she is of the same opinion regarding your happiness. We are talking about our wives' needs. Women also can remove all references to wife and put in husband. They are equally responsible to look after our needs; however, it is our focus on our spouses' needs and not what we think they should be doing for us.
As humans, our emotions are all over the place sometimes. If we have done our duty most of the time, on those occasions where we miss several beats will be forgiven and considered exceptions. Trust me, love, true love works both ways.
You should make sure you are aware of your wife's political views, music tastes, hobbies, passions, intimate favorites, and any other particulars. Being aware does not mean we must agree with it all. It means we know of those things because we love and respect our wives and are interested in providing outlets to their enjoyment.
Seek this pattern of behavior. It will improve your life! Your spouse will be happier, and your children if any will be better off. For many of us, we are far from perfecting our relationship processes, but if we are willing to learn and forgive as we travel the road together as equals we will be happy in this life. If we are willing, all of us, we can overcome this trend of divorce and provide a better society for the next generation.
Supporting Source
Seth Adam Smith - Marriage Isn't For You by Seth Adam Smith 1
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 Rodric Anthony
Comments
Hey, Rodric, similar things happen apart from the church. It happens among the Moslems and any God-fearing peoples. That is why some marriages outside the church or other faiths stand the test of time. Thank you for your understanding.
- AUTHOR
Miebakagh, it is interesting to know about the native custom of your home. It is not a customer where I come from, but was very offensive for me to know. I questioned my parents about how they let this woman presume to know what is best for me. I, however, am glad that she did this for me. Hindsight is 20/20.
I believe the sister in my church who did this for me was inspired by God because my wife and I would not have met any other way.
- AUTHOR
Pam, I would be a fool to not be loyal to my sweetheart. She is a blessing to me beyond words, though I have not given up on finding the right ones to describe her value to me.
Hello, Rudric, this is like a native custom in my home town, Okrika. While you are away or not, the sought out a good girl for her boy. You are welcomed.
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Miebakagh, my wife was found for me. My church mother interviewed her and told her about me while I was ministering in South Africa. When I returned to the States, my future wife was at my parent's home for me to meet. I fell in love with her and we decided to marry five months later.
Hey, Rodric, where can a manfind a good wife? Her price is far above rubis. However, like as you commented, sharing life together is all that matters. Thank you for weighing in.
Rodric, We all make mistakes, so don't be so hard on yourself. You are loving and loyal, so that is most important.
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Pamela, thanks for your faith, though I have much work to do to live up to the things that I am writing. I know what I need to do and I write about I fail just as often as I succeed in this. I need about 20 more years of practice to get it right.
Loyalty is the easy one because I love my wife with my whole heart. She is everything to me and is up there with God in importance to my life. He joined us together so let no one pull us apart!
With money, since my wife has the most anxiety about it, she manages it. We try to help each other feel comfortable within reason.
This is a good article about having a marriage. You must be a very good husband. I try to make my husband happy also as he treats me with much respect and love. We agree about most things including saving money, which can be a problem in some marriages. You are right about the importance of loyalty and commitment.
- AUTHOR
Eric, I understand what you wrote, I believe. It is not about rules for love but about the love of service to the one you love. These are not things that should come as burdens but behaviors to aspire to over a lifetime of commitment. It is a perspective to keep in mind when irritants arise in marriage. The 'whys' of a relationship instead of the right to be free of a spouse, if you can really call that freedom.
- AUTHOR
It is important Miebakagh that both parties be equally yoked or carry the burden of marriage with equal fidelity and commitment. There is nothing worse than a marriage without fidelity. It can destroy souls!
If you find a good woman to marry, be a good husband. Nothing destroys a woman like an evil spouse and vice versa for a man.
Nicely done. I simply completely disagree with your opening ideas. We totally must be blind out of love. "Who is even my enemy that I do not love?" There is no contract. I could love for the color of her hair. I just have disdain for rules of love. Just me. I will go back to my garden now and think on it. know that you are there praying with me my brother.
Hey, Rodric, it is good to submitted tosome extend (like as you qualified it: this does not mean) Women or wives are not all the same. Some will see you ubmission as a weakness and take advantage of it. Iknow a relation who through such submission lost his force. He is now under the grip and power of his wife. Whatever, his wife says his final.
But I will agreed that some wives are very reasonable to return two-fold or more the special favor done them. Thanks for sharing.
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