To Really Love a Wife - Her Interests and Happiness

Marriage is simple if we focus on the most important aspect of it, devotion/loyalty. Love is good, but romantic love evolves over time. With that love must come devotion to the covenant of marriage with a focus on our part in making life better for our spouse who in turn is focusing on that same thing for us. Wives are our best friends.

Seth Adam Smith wrote a now-famous blog post where he said about his wife

I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family. 1

Marriage isn't for you alone, but for you and your spouse. Seth mentioned what he wanted from his wife and what he was willing to give. That is the beginning of a great relationship.

Focusing on what we can do to bring our wives happiness does not mean we subvert our own but include our best friends as much as we would want them to include what makes us happy as their own. Let's review that in this article.

Seek out Her best interests and submit to Her happiness above your own!

We seek the interests of our wives by finding out what they like and what they dislike. That's simple enough, isn't it? My wife likes R&B music. I do not per se. What do I do? Well, I do not give her grief about her music anymore. It makes her feel good to listen to it. I purchased her a disc of music that includes several songs she absolutely loves. It makes her happy and it is legal!

It is that simple to find out what she likes and be aware of it so that you can help her get as much of what she is interested in as she can. You should make sure you are aware of your wife's political views, music tastes, hobbies, passions, intimate favorites, and any other particulars. Being aware does not mean we must agree with it all. It means we know of those things because we love and respect our wives and are interested in providing outlets to their enjoyment.

Submit to their happiness above your own. All joking and smart little cheeky comments aside, we are men by how we submit our will to the will of our wives. I do mean submit as in to put aside our desires, wants, and occasionally needs so that she can be happier. All this must occur in reason. Of course, we don't skip taking a medicine that will sustain us so that our wife can say that she is happy that we don't take meds!

If you have to ask why I will tell you. I ask why often myself! I love her. I love my wife and nothing makes me happier than to see her smile. It intoxicates me to see that smile. I do not give in to her every whim, but just about! If I say "no" to her, because of how I have treated her, she will know that there is some extenuating circumstance that supersedes my desire to please--at least I hope she knows!

There is no exact science for it, but the will must be present in our hearts to forsake our pleasure for her pleasure. We as men must be secure enough about ourselves to love our wives. We must work out our insecurities so that we can stand firm for her just as in the movies--the old ones. That does not mean we hide the truth from her! That is more insulting to do. It means we get the psychological or emotional help we need WITH her support so that we can serve her.

What about my needs? I promise you that if you focus on making your wife happy, you will find that she is of the same opinion regarding your happiness. We are talking about our wives' needs. Women also can remove all references to wife and put in husband. They are equally responsible to look after our needs; however, it is our focus on our spouses' needs and not what we think they should be doing for us.

As humans, our emotions are all over the place sometimes. If we have done our duty most of the time, on those occasions where we miss several beats will be forgiven and considered exceptions. Trust me, love, true love works both ways.

Seek this pattern of behavior. It will improve your life! Your spouse will be happier, and your children, if any, will be better off. For many of us, we are far from perfecting our relationship processes, but if we are willing to learn and forgive as we travel the road together as equals we will be happy in this life. If we are willing, all of us, we can overcome this trend of divorce and provide a better society for the next generation.

Seth Adam Smith - Marriage Isn't For You by Seth Adam Smith ¹