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Ghosted

Updated on October 14, 2019
Beth Alson profile image

JB is an hopeless romantic who has been writing poetry and essays since childhood. She wants to travel the world more than anything.

ghost·ing/ˈɡōstiNG/ according to the dictionary means, "The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication."

Break Ups are never easy.

It's messy, painful, consuming, and exhausting.

It's especially hard if you are still in love with the person who broke up with you.

But then again, the hardest form of break up there is, is ghosting. No explanations, no goodbyes, no closures. Nothing. You just wake up one day and you're suddenly all alone. It's as if you woke up from a very long dream of having someone beside you.

It's like being stuck in place. You don't know whether to move forward or to take a step back. You want to move forward and yet you are scared to because maybe, just maybe if you wait a bit longer, you'll have it all back. But you're also scared to wait because maybe there is nothing to wait for. You want the confirmation that you are over but you are also hoping for the assurance that there is still something there.

How do you exactly move on from something that you don't want to move on from?

Do you push yourself and wait? Or do you just simply let go?

Being ghosted is like trying to hold to something without knowing if it is worth holding on to our not.

Then you rationalize. You say that perhaps your other half just needs some space and time. That maybe, just maybe, your other half is going through something right now. Or perhaps you did something wrong. But then you also think that if your other half really truly does love you, he or she won't do something that would make you question your importance and priority in their life. You go through so many what if and what could have been's that you stay up late because your mind and your heart is a mess. You cry. You plea. You push. But at the end of the day, it's always you who is hurting.

Being ghosted is like trying to hold to something without knowing if it is worth holding on to our not. Waiting when you have been ghosted is like jumping in a cliff without being sure if someone is down there waiting to catch you. Some say that still waiting and hoping despite being ghosted is just setting your heart for more pain and heartbreak.

But you will heal. Just like how every wound heals. No matter how deep and how painful it is.

I've been there. I know what it feels like to be left hanging without any explanation, without any why or how. No closure. Just sudden disappearance. And I know. I know how painful it is to wait and hold on. Despite all the signs out there, you wait. You hope. Because you are in love. Because you always see a future with him each time you close your eyes. Because you just can't imagine spending forever with someone else. Nights of constant crying. Days of constant hoping. Even if it feels like all is lost, you still stay because you believe in the fantasy that maybe because he never said the actual "let's break up" it means that you didn't actually break up.

It is not easy. It is harsh and painful. It is consuming. Your own thoughts haunt you. Thoughts of "what if", "maybe", "if I could". But you have to realize. That maybe, no closure IS your closure. That maybe not hearing "goodbye" is the actual goodbye. Once you realize that and accept that, then I tell you. Your road to healing will start.

You will heal. Just like how every wound heals. No matter how deep and how painful it is. When ghosted, time is your best friend. No one can tell you how long you'll be in pain. Or how long you'll continue hoping. Healing from whatever form of break up is a personal process. A personal journey one should take no matter how painful.

The road to healing will not be sweet and easy. But you will get there. Just like I did.

© 2019 JB Sevillo

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    • Carolyn M Fields profile image

      Carolyn Fields 

      5 months ago from South Dakota, USA

      My personality is much different from what you describe. If I was "ghosted" by someone who just suddenly stopped communicating with no explanation, I would be angry, not sad. That's just RUDE. I would track them down, and confront them. There are many electronic ways to find people these days. Once I got closure, I'd move on quickly. I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who would act this way. But perhaps that's just me . . .

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      7 months ago from Chicago

      Most people who are ghosted were never in a relationship to begin with. Essentially they may have gone out a few times, exchanged text messages, or possibly even hooked up. However they were never a "couple".

      In many instances the two people {never met in person} they were hot and heavy with text messages, phone calls, and emails.

      Suddenly one of them completely vanishes, doesn't respond to texts or calls, and is never heard from again.

      The reason why this hurts more people than it should is because they allowed themselves to become "emotionally invested" in someone as if they were in an exclusive committed relationship.

      You see this a lot with people who met on online dating sites/apps. One person goes "all in" right from the beginning while the other person continues to keep their options open by dating multiple people. (after all they're not a couple.)

      Once he or she meets someone they really click with they decide to abandon everyone else they had been dealing with.

      If the jest of your "situationship" was text message exchanges you're not viewed as human being but rather letters and emojis which appeared on their cell phone. They may not feel an obligation to explain anything to you. While many people would call that rude very few people would claim anyone in such a situation should require closure.

      A "breakup" happens when there has been a committed relationship established. Otherwise you're just two people casually seeing each other with no strings attached until one of you moved on.

      The best way to avoid feeling deep pain from being ghosted is keep your options open by dating multiple people until there has been an agreed upon committed relationship discussed.

      In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: Next!

      In order for him/her to have been "the one" he/she would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soulmate" is someone who actually wants to be with you! (And vice versa)

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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