Ghosted

ghost·ing/ˈɡōstiNG/ according to the dictionary means, "The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication."

Break Ups are never easy.

It's messy, painful, consuming, and exhausting.

It's especially hard if you are still in love with the person who broke up with you.

But then again, the hardest form of break up there is, is ghosting. No explanations, no goodbyes, no closures. Nothing. You just wake up one day and you're suddenly all alone. It's as if you woke up from a very long dream of having someone beside you.

It's like being stuck in place. You don't know whether to move forward or to take a step back. You want to move forward and yet you are scared to because maybe, just maybe if you wait a bit longer, you'll have it all back. But you're also scared to wait because maybe there is nothing to wait for. You want the confirmation that you are over but you are also hoping for the assurance that there is still something there.

How do you exactly move on from something that you don't want to move on from?

Do you push yourself and wait? Or do you just simply let go?

Then you rationalize. You say that perhaps your other half just needs some space and time. That maybe, just maybe, your other half is going through something right now. Or perhaps you did something wrong. But then you also think that if your other half really truly does love you, he or she won't do something that would make you question your importance and priority in their life. You go through so many what if and what could have been's that you stay up late because your mind and your heart is a mess. You cry. You plea. You push. But at the end of the day, it's always you who is hurting.

Being ghosted is like trying to hold to something without knowing if it is worth holding on to our not. Waiting when you have been ghosted is like jumping in a cliff without being sure if someone is down there waiting to catch you. Some say that still waiting and hoping despite being ghosted is just setting your heart for more pain and heartbreak.

I've been there. I know what it feels like to be left hanging without any explanation, without any why or how. No closure. Just sudden disappearance. And I know. I know how painful it is to wait and hold on. Despite all the signs out there, you wait. You hope. Because you are in love. Because you always see a future with him each time you close your eyes. Because you just can't imagine spending forever with someone else. Nights of constant crying. Days of constant hoping. Even if it feels like all is lost, you still stay because you believe in the fantasy that maybe because he never said the actual "let's break up" it means that you didn't actually break up.

It is not easy. It is harsh and painful. It is consuming. Your own thoughts haunt you. Thoughts of "what if", "maybe", "if I could". But you have to realize. That maybe, no closure IS your closure. That maybe not hearing "goodbye" is the actual goodbye. Once you realize that and accept that, then I tell you. Your road to healing will start.

You will heal. Just like how every wound heals. No matter how deep and how painful it is. When ghosted, time is your best friend. No one can tell you how long you'll be in pain. Or how long you'll continue hoping. Healing from whatever form of break up is a personal process. A personal journey one should take no matter how painful.

The road to healing will not be sweet and easy. But you will get there. Just like I did.