To The One Who Left
All of us have gone through the luck of emotional pain, the one that increases when caused by others and not by ourselves. May it be love, friendship, or any sort of relationship, when the people to whom we have grown attached decide to take a step back from our lives, we are often left in a cloud of confusion. We need closure, and more important - reasons. However, after one year and a few weeks, I've managed to decrease my needs to just a few words I have to say.
Listen up, love,
You've got that special something that draws everyone to fall into your arms. You've got it so deeply implanted you are not even aware of it; it's better like that because you could destroy so much if you were.
You are those five empty seconds at the end of the track that give me enough time to replay you how many times I want. You're not 505, you're 10: you add up to so much more than that.
Do you know how it feels to be left alone? Of course you do. What is it like to have no one to count on because you've pushed everyone who has ever cared about you away? It's not only about me; maybe I've only felt this much. Think of every person you've damaged and consider if it has done you any good... that should help you understand.
I love you and I want to help, but I cannot do anything unless you decide it's time to aid yourself, and you have to realise that something truly is wrong. I am not aware what that would constitute and you aren't obligated to admit it to anyone but yourself. Just know that if you ever need a hand, I'll be willing to give both, except you'll never think of me as the one you want in your life. And that's okay, if that makes you happy.
It's worthless for me to start counting the moments you've made me sick or made me cry. God knows how many times I've prayed you'd do the same, but the rational side of me knows how things go. I am fully aware of your indifference and it hurts to say I am not able to change it, but as much as I believe in myself, I believe in the faith that does what it has to do. If you were to be part of who I am, you would probably still be here. I cannot say you haven't influenced me and you haven't changed me at all. I would be lying.
Thank you, however, for giving me the chance of meeting who I was supposed to be a long time ago. You've annoyingly boosted my maturity in a hurtful way, but I can say it's the best way. Of course, I wish we grew together. I still think of how beautiful it would have been to truly be someone in your eyes.
That's just how it was supposed to be, and I cannot change it, despite my endless desire of being in charge. I am not mad at you, although I do dream of sometimes making you cry. Perhaps that would make you realise the damage that you've done.
I'm good enough at giving the wrong people a second chance and this attempt can count, too. I just need you to know that I'm always here with an open heart and an open door. It's up to you to find the key.