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- Relationship Problems & Advice
To the Person Who Always Loves More
I firmly believe that there are some of us on this earth that have a little something extra. The wells in our hearts go just a little bit deeper. Our affections feel a little bit stronger. Our heartbreak hurts a little bit longer. And our Love is always a little bit more. But "Why is that?" you may ask. I think it's because the world needs people like us. In this dark, broken world there have to be people that care to the point where they'll suffer if it means alleviating someone else's pain. We need to be here because the world has enough people that are cold, selfish, and indifferent to others and their needs or feelings. It's a blessing and a curse- sometimes significantly leaning towards the curse part. However, we bear our duty gladly because we have the biggest hearts. When it comes to our relationships-whether platonic or romantic- we run into a problem. It's all well and good when we're taking care of perfect strangers like in volunteer work. But once we're in a more intimate situation, we go off the deep end. We invest ourselves in a person, err multiple persons, and sometimes tend to get lost in the process...
When you're someone that wants to keep everyone happy because you care about them so much, you tend to to take on their problems as your own because you want to make sure they know they always have someone to confide in. Then you take it upon yourself to figure how to fix everyone's problems as soon as possible- quickly realizing you're forgetting all about your own. Especially in romantic relationships. you'll do whatever it takes to make the other person happy at the expense of your own happiness, sanity, and physical health. You don't realize you're doing this until it's too late and you find yourself carrying the wait of the world. This isn't beneficial to either party because you will feel underappreciated since it's absolutely impossible for your S.O. to compete with your level of caring and investment. Moreover, you will eventually get burnt out and the relationship will suffer because your S.O. usually won't fully understand why. And you'll be severely disappointed when, despite your best efforts, you can't fix everything about your self, your partner, and you relationship all in a day- I know, who knew right? However, there is hope that you can find a stable place in spite of your existential (and disproportionate) amount of feelings.
Get Yourself Together!
Self-care is the most important thing for someone that loves more. Even saying it feels weird because it's so foreign to us. We feel like taking care of ourselves is selfish and a downright waste of time because we need all the time we can get to go take care of everyone we care about..and all the random strangers that clearly need us...and everyone in between. However, if we'd just stop for one second- I know,crazy right?- and just thought about how illogical we can be. If we're constantly trying to save the world, what happens to the world wnen we eventually become so overly exhausted that we have to put it down for just a second? I mean the world can't function without people like us. All our relationships and friendships would immediately collapse beyond repair. We'd lose our purpose of taking care of everyone all the time. Wake up call : The world will go on if you take an hour to recharge. In spite of our infinite amount of love, our bodies do not have an infinite amount of energy. You know what I'm talking about-we go and go and go until we literally can't go anymore (but it's not for lack of trying.) And then we're forced to take a break and feel guilty for it and beat ourselves up. If you're fatigued and miserable because you are weighed down by trying to "fix" everyone because you know what's better for them than they do, then you'll eventually start to resent the people you're trying to help-I know, I know. We're never supposed to talk about that because even then, it's our job to protect them. So it's this endless vicious cycle and the only one that loses is you. And how is that fair? It's not. Here's your new rule- Do something every day that's good for you. Just one thing. It doesn't have to be some grand gesture-for me it's painting my nails or writing one of these articles. For you it might just be taking a nice bath or reading a book you've been neglecting. However you do it, start. And when you're out there taking care of everyone else, remember to include yourself too.
Can You Feel the Love Today?
Let people love you. Our deepest wish is that someone would want to take care of us as much as we take care of them. It's probably not easy for them to measure up to the standard of love that you have set, but let them try. We tend to shut people out when they try to help or nurture us because it feels so foreign. We're so used to taking care of everyone else, we don't even remember what it feels like for someone to do the same. We feel like we're asking too much (as if we don't deserve as much love as everyone else we're investing our entire selves into.) Contrary to your (popular) belief, it's not wrong to unload on someone once in a while-it's actually pretty necessary. And it's not wrong to admit that you're tired of carrying the weight of the world-suprisingly it can be rather exhausting. It's okay to be nurtured. It's okay to be cared for/about. Don't be afraid to take the love you're trying so desperately to give. And don't feel misplaced in this cold world-that's exactly why you're here. Never be ashamed of your big heart, it's what makes you who you are. And when you find yourself weighed down by everyone else's stuff remember that you can only do the best you can-and that's more than enough. After all, it's the thought that counts.