Tomorrow Is Another Day: For All The Girls With A Broken Heart
It's a shame to see how many girls (and guys!) get their hearts broken every day. I've been there. I've felt the pain. I felt the moment when everything shatters on the ground and they've left leaving you to pick up all the pieces by yourself. I've had a streak of bad romantic encounters and relationships (official or not) that have left my heart ravaged, torn up, and feeling like I can't breathe.
Demi Lovato's Public Heartbreak & Recovery
Although, I usually don't follow the lives of celebrities, but when Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas's public break up came out, it was hard not to notice the constant chatter that Demi Lovato was clearly going down a dark path that had started way before her relationship with Joe finally landed her in a rehabilitation center. It was known that Demi had to watch Joe move on with another girl right in front of her face, because they were touring together. Anyone knows how hard it is to see your ex, but to watch them be in another relationship right in front of you that's torture. Also, with the possibility that he used her to get ahead for fame, Demi clearly broke down.
In the first video clip, Demi is singing "Skyscraper" at an award show and I believe it was one of the first performances of this song singing after her time away in a rehabilitation center. You can practically feel her pain and how raw it is.
You can see in the second video clip when Demi is singing a cover song for Lil Wayne's "How To Love" how emotion she puts into the words. She didn't write this song, but you can tell how much her past experiences have affected her. There is a part (lyrics below) when she belts out a part of the song that you can tell how much it took to get to that point, how much pain she has felt, and much she still needs to heal:
See I want you to know
that I deserve the best
See I want you to know
I'm far from the usual
I selected live performances, because you can actually see how she actually sings it. You can see how much emotion she puts into each of the performances. Now, I didn't write this in, because I wanted to make an article about Demi Lovato. Although, I do believe she is an inspiration due to what she went through and how she fought through all of her suffering, I wanted to showcase how heartbreak can affect someone.
Demi had to 'fix' herself by putting the time to heal over the emotional scars of insecurity, her own view on herself, and how she viewed relationships. It doesn't happen overnight either. It takes a lot of time to heal, because it's not just healing a broken heart. It's about healing yourself entirely.
Work On Yourself
It took me a long to accept the fact that I placed myself in the situation I put myself in. I would love to wholeheartedly believe that it was all their fault, but I accepted their offers. I allowed them to treat me badly. I could have put a stop to it right away. I just had naively hoped that maybe they would change their mind and desire to be with me. I went into these encounter wanting what they couldn't give me and that isn't fair for them.
Although, some of them tricked me by deceiving me with their intentions, I should've be able to instinctively know when something is not right. I was once in a three year long-distance relationship with a guy that neglected and avoided me unless I mentioned anything to do with sex. He was never there for me when I needed him, but I believed that because he was a man holding down a job and taking care of his child with another woman that I had no right to complain.
My first piece of advice through all this and for all those broken hearts out there is to work on yourself. Past relationships have left me with picking up the pieces, but I came to realize that it wasn't just pieces of our time together or the future we would never have. The pieces that I came across were of myself. In relationships, you tend to compromise, sacrifice, and sometimes lose sight of who you are.
Demi took a year off from dating and such (supposedly) by working on X-Factor and working on her music. She focused on herself and figured out who she was and what she wanted. If you look at her now, she's a strong girl with her head on straight. She got the help she needed and she has recovered beautifully.
How did I work on myself?
- WRITE. I wrote stories and poems that projected all my pain, emotions, and disappointment. I needed an outlet to get it all out.
- MUSIC THERAPY. When I couldn't find the words, I would listen to music hearing other people's heartbreak. It didn't make me feel so alone. It gave me the knowledge that I'm not the only one that got rejected in love.
- KEEP BUSY. Remember all the things that you used to love to do? I wanted you to think about this honestly... have you had the time to do them? You have plenty of time (not to sound cruel) to do them now.
- JOURNAL. Whether you blog, write in a diary, or type up entries on an application, it's important that you do get your feelings and thoughts down. I know with me it helped to write poetry and stories, but I also found it incredibly helpful when I just wrote straight up how I was feeling without beating around the bush.
- READ. I read a lot whether it was fiction or nonfiction. It helped to keep my mind from straying back to the pain.
- EXERCISE. Even if you just put on music and dance around the room, working out releases a lot of energy and will relax you.
- FRIENDS. Keep your friends close. They're here for you thick or thin -- no matter how much you've talked off their ear about the same situation, they'll always be there. Don't ever think you're alone and don't shut them out.
My second piece of advice -- really take a look at the situation and accept it. You can analyze it all you want and figure out where everything wrong. You can even pinpoint it when it did, but it won't change anything. What is the point of obsessing about all the things you should've done? You'll drown yourself in your what ifs. You'll make yourself sick by staying in the past.
I know this is going to be hard, but I'm going to ask you to look at the situation and accept the fact it has ended. Accept the fact that there could have been things that could have been changed, but accept that those things happened and you can't go back to change them. Accept that this is a past relationship.
Address the situtation, accept that it happened, and let it go. Trust me, I'm aware that it's easier said then done.
- write a letter to the person that hurt you about the situation, how you feel, how it hurts you, and how they hurt you. Get it ALL out! Put it in an envelope and light it up. I'm serious -- if you have a fireplace even better toss it in. Just watch it burn up.
In most cases, you felt like you didn't get the closure you needed. You need to find a way to get that closure and sometimes talking to the person isn't going to help. I firmly believe that time and distance will help your heart heal gradually. You may never get over it, but you can move on.
My third piece of advice -- don't get in another relationship straight away. That is possibly the worst thing you could ever do. I did and somehow we managed to stay together, heal, and become stronger. I'm thankful for the man he is. He is my best friend and an extraordinary gentleman. I can share everything with him.
However, you may not get someone that is understanding like that. So I do suggest that you take that time and work on yourself, because the last thing you need to do is bring emotional baggage into a new relationship. I don't even know how my boyfriend and I managed it, but we did. It's hard, because we both had our own personal issues to contend with. You can't expect everything to be fine afterwards like every wound physical or emotional still needs to go through the process of healing.
My fourth piece of advice... You are beautiful. On the verge of sounding sappy, you are a beautiful soul. You need to understand your worth and respect yourself. It's time to take care of yourself.
Yes, you are required in relationship to compromise, because relationships aren't just about you. It's about you and that other person. However, relationships shouldn't change who you are. You become involved with somebody, because you enjoy sharing time with that person. You want to share your life with them.
Relationships demand a lot of respect for that person as well as yourself. If you don't know how to respect yourself, you will be taken advantage of. You will tell yourself that even though the person is hurting you that it's okay, because you did something to upset them. The first relationship you should ever have is the one with yourself.
Love yourself, love who you are, love what you can offer, and plant your feet firmly down. Demand respect from the one you love, because if you can't stand up for yourself nobody will. If you don't see, nobody else will either. Just as Demi belted out, "See I want you to know. I deserve the best, I'm beautiful!" in Lil' Wayne's song, I want you to do that too. Belt it out. Live it.
You deserve to be loved for who you are. You do deserve the best. The moment you stop believing that that's when everything goes wrong.
So Here Is To All The Ones With The Broken Hearts
Keep strong. Take each day at a time. It will eventually get better. Believe me, I've been there. I've had more than my share of heartbreak. You just need to keep moving and learn how to trust yourself again. Love will come and when it does, you will want to be ready. You don't want to be clinging to something that will only hurt your relationship with a new someone. It takes a lot of time and a lot of soul searching, but you will get there.